


Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned

by driveruniverse



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Atheist Character, Choking, Church Sex, Cockblocking, Dirty Talk, Discussion of Abortion, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Friends With Benefits Ben Solo/Kaydel Connix, Internal Conflict, Light Angst, Love at First Sight, Masturbation, Mentions of Pregnancy, Middleman Armitage Hux, Nice Armitage Hux, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Past Child Abuse, Praise Kink, Religious Conflict, Rey is a nun, Rough Sex, Size Difference, Slow Burn, accent kink, slight daddy kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 77,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24280387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driveruniverse/pseuds/driveruniverse
Summary: Ben hated everything about church. The congregation, the songs, the prayers, how everyone spoke in uniform like they were a bunch of brainwashed robots. It always creeped him out. Until he sees something, rather someone, one Sunday morning that catches his interest.Rey has been in the process of becoming a nun since she was eighteen. After two years in discernment and two years as a novitiate, she’s now five months away from taking her first vows. But she starts questioning whether she wants to go through with it when she spots a certain tall, dark, and handsome man in the parking lot of The First Order Church of Christ.
Relationships: Kaydel Ko Connix/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 106
Kudos: 327





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A fair warning: I am not religious. I wasn't raised religious and, therefore, I am an Atheist. Most of my research I did online, so if any of the religious aspects of the story don't make a lot of sense or are not spot-on, now you know why. I'm sorry if this comes off as anti-religion, I don't mean to offend anyone! Feedback is welcome and appreciated! I hope you enjoy and don't forget to leave a kudos and/or comment :)

Ben Solo’s adoptive father has been dragging him to church ever since he could remember. Every Sunday, bright and early, his father would dress him in his finest clothes and style his dark, shoulder length hair neatly. Of course, Ben would take care of the dressing and hair-doing himself once he was old enough. 

Ben hated everything about church. The congregation, the songs, the prayers, how everyone spoke in uniform like they were a bunch of brainwashed robots. It always creeped him out. Ben was raised on one thing: Jesus is our lord and savior. Being raised on this and told this every damn day of his life, you would think that he would grow to believe it. He didn’t. And if he told his father, he can be damn sure he’d blame the school system… after giving him a good beating, of course.

“Those damn public schools.” Ben imagined Snoke saying. “Teaching our kids about other religions and brainwashing them into believing that evolution is real. Should have sent you to a private school!”

But the problem is, Ben hasn’t told Snoke yet out of fear of what Snoke might do to him. He hasn’t told him that Jesus _isn’t_ his lord and savior. That he doesn’t even think God is real. That evolution _is_ real and there’s cold, hard scientific evidence to prove it! He is twenty-seven years old, living on his own, and _still_ going to church with his father every Sunday because he’s scared of the man.

“What a pussy.” he tells himself in the mirror one Sunday morning as he combs his long fingers through the soft waves of his hair. He hates himself for letting Snoke control his life still, but it’s all he’s ever known. 

Snoke had adopted him when he was five years old after his parents died in a tragic car crash. Ever since then it has been “Jesus this” and “God that”. If Ben ever questioned the Bible or pointed out the constant contradictions in it, he would get a swift, but hard slap across the face, leaving a nice red welt on his cheek.

“I will not have my own son questioning the lord, Jesus Christ, himself! Not in this house!” Snoke would roar. 

When Ben was seventeen, he made the mistake of pointing out that the Bible says “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” but also says “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”. He was confused because if you should love everyone as you love yourself, why shouldn’t homosexuals be included as well?

“Poe from school is our neighbor, but he’s also dating Finn. Should we love them or not?” he asked Snoke during a heated argument.

“Just as the Bible says, those boys are an abomination,” Snoke yelled, towering over Ben as he backed him against the couch, forcing him to sit. “and they will pay for their sins when they’re burning in Hell.”

Ben was having none of it that day. He was going to turn eighteen that November, so he was getting tougher with Snoke because he knew that he wouldn’t have to live with him much longer. He had been secretly saving up money to get an apartment far, _far_ away from this monster.

“Don’t even get me started on Hell.” Ben said pointing his finger defensively in Snoke’s face. But before Ben could get another word out, Snoke had grabbed his wrist and slammed him down on the couch with so much strength that it almost knocked the wind out of him. Ben was six feet tall when he was seventeen, and pretty muscular, but Snoke was just a bitter taller and a bit stronger. Ben’s cheek stuck to the leather of the couch cushion as he squeezed his eyes shut, knowing what was coming next. What always came when he pushed Snoke a little too far. The belt.

Cold, hard, black leather came smacking against Ben’s back, stinging his skin and causing it to redden. Another smack of the belt and the sting began to spread throughout his entire back, reaching over his ribs and into his chest as well. He held in a scream, only letting out muffled groans. He never thought to fight back; Snoke would have killed him for sure. After the beating, Snoke would force Ben to pray until the pain went away. He told him that that’s how he would know that Jesus had forgiven him. But the thing is, the pain never really went away.

\---

As Ben slips his own belt through the loops of his pants and buckles it, his mind wanders to that specific beating ten years ago. The pain of Snoke’s belt searing his skin. How he looked at his bare back in the bathroom mirror afterwards and saw that his skin had broken in some areas, leaving a small trail of blood trickling down his spine. He shakes his head as he tries to wipe the memory from his mind.

_That’s over now_. He tells himself. But was it really? If it was over, he shouldn’t be scared into going to church anymore. Snoke can’t hurt him. 

_But he could._ The small, evil voice whispers in the back of his mind.

Ben takes a deep breath as he strides over to his closet in his small bedroom to pick out a shirt. He settles for a baby blue button-up. He studies his face in the mirror door of his closet as he works his fingers down his shirt, buttoning each button, leaving the top two unbuttoned. He studies his long, but elegant nose, his larger than normal ears peeking out of his hair, his full lips. His greenish-brown eyes travel over his multiple beauty marks peppered all over his skin. He had always gotten made fun of for his looks as a kid, but now he seems to have grown into them. Of course Ben would never see that; he has always been insecure.

After grabbing a navy blue blazer off of a hanger in his closet and sliding his arms into the sleeves with a shrug, he sprays some cologne on and begins to head out the door. When he gets himself settled into his car and turns the keys into the ignition, the radio blasts “Highway to Hell” through the speakers. This elicits a little chuckle out of Ben. 

_Very fitting_. He thinks to himself. 

Pulling out of his driveway, Ben hums along to the song as he makes his way to the last place on Earth he wants to be. The First Order Church of Christ.

The First Order Church of Christ has been Ben’s second home for twenty-two years. He even grew up with the priest, Father Hux. I guess you could say Hux took things a bit more seriously than Ben did. As Ben pulls into the crowded parking lot of the church and into a parking spot, he catches a glimpse of Hux greeting everyone with a gentle handshake as they enter the large front doors of the brick church. He was kind of hard to miss with his ginger hair almost glowing in the sunlight. Ben smiles to himself as he gets out of his car, thinking about their childhood nicknames from other kids who made fun of them: Dumbo (because of Ben’s ears) and Heat Miser (because of Hux’s hair).

“Ah! There he is!” Hux says with glee as Ben makes his way up the cement stairs of the church. “Still attending service, I see. I thought you weren’t coming anymore?” Hux says more question-like as he shakes Ben's hand.

“I’ll get around to it.” Ben shrugs as he pats Hux’s shoulder.

“Well I’m glad you could make it. I know how much this stuff bores you.”

“Oh no!” Ben says sarcastically, not caring who hears. “I love it here! Praise Jesus and all that shit.”

A throat clears behind them and a shock ripples through Ben’s spine as he freezes. “Gentlemen.” says a deep, gruff voice.

Ben turns around on his heel and looks into the dead, gray eyes of Snoke. He chuckles nervously. “Father! I was- I was just joking…”

“Yes, yes. All good fun.” Hux backs him up.

Snoke shoots Ben a disapproving look and extends his hand toward Hux; Ben flinches slightly at the sudden movement. Hux and Snoke shake hands and Snoke slips past the two men and into the church where he takes his seat in the second row of pews. Hux gives Ben a pitied smile and jerks his head toward the doorway, encouraging him to enter. “See you in there.”

“Yeah, see you _Father_ Hux.” Ben always says Hux’s formal name in a joking manner. He feels weird calling someone who is like a brother to him “Father”.

Ben makes his way down the aisle, heels clicking on the magnificent tan marble floor. He takes in his surroundings; the tall vaulted ceilings, the colorfully stained glass windows, the pillars that run parallel next to the many rows of pews leading into a semi-separate hall where people could light candles for dead loved ones. And smack center in the front of the room: a crucified Jesus so tall, Ben’s neck has to bend almost all the way back to look at it. He always thought that it was a morbid thing to have in every church. A dead Jesus hanging limp on a cross for all people to see. He often wonders that if electric chairs were around back then, would people have a tiny electric chair pendant around their neck like they do the cross? He laughs at the thought quietly as he approaches the second row of pews and sits tensely next to Snoke.

“I expect you to be more respectful in the presence of Father Hux, my son.” Snoke says sternly, staring straight ahead.

“But Armie- _Father Hux_ is my friend. I grew up with him. He knows me more than anyone.” Ben explains, refusing to look at the intimidating man sitting just inches away from him.

“When you are in this church, you will be more proper, do you understand me?”

“Well, technically we were outside…” Snoke shoots him an angry look. Ben looks down at his hands. “Yes, Sir.”

_Pussy_.

The service was the same as it has always been. Boring, tedious. Ben zones out almost all of it, just like he had when he was a child. He only pays enough attention to stand when others stood, kneel when others knelt, move his lips when they sang or prayed together. The usual bullshit. He stifled his yawns throughout the service, peering at Snoke from the corner of his eye to make sure he didn’t notice how bored he was.

After service every three Sundays, Ben and Snoke would stay behind, along with a few other people, and do their confessions. Snoke always made Ben go first so he could make sure that he didn’t skip it. Today was no different. When service ends, Ben and Snoke wait in line by the confessional booths. When it’s Ben’s turn, he opens the door to the booth and sits down on the wooden bench attached to the wall. There is a screen with tiny holes patterned across it separating him and Hux to keep the confidentiality. 

Ben sighs and Hux knows who it is almost immediately. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…”

“Oh Lord who art in Heaven.” Hux says annoyed. “You can leave the formalities at the door, Ben. I know it’s you.”

“You see, _Father,_ ” Ben starts, completely ignoring Hux. “I have been very bad since I saw you last, three Sundays ago. Since then, I jerked off to some internet porn _multiple_ times. God, I feel so dirty saying that out loud.”

“Ah, the sarcasm is strong with this one.” Hux says holding back a laugh.

“Please, _Father,_ let me finish.” Ben holds up his hand pretending to be annoyed.

“Yes, of course. Continue please.”

“Well, you see, there was this very attractive man at the gym. His muscles had muscles and his eyes were as blue as the bluest ocean. I’m not gay, but I did think ‘Even _I_ would let that man ride me’. Oh, I am so disgusted with myself! Then there was this time- God give me courage to say this next part- I wished harm upon another living being!” Ben is being overly dramatic at this point. “A poor innocent bird chirping outside my window at six in the morning. I thought to myself, ‘If only I had a shotgun’. Oh _Father_ , could you ever look at me the same?”

“In the name of the Lord, just tell Snoke you don’t want to come here anymore. If you’re not into this then stop wasting my Goddamned time.”

“Armie, you know I can’t.” Ben says more seriously.

Frustrated, Hux slides the panel separating them to the side so he’s face to face with Ben. “You are a twenty-seven year old man. It’s time you stop being scared of your father.”

“But-”

“I know.” Hux’s green eyes pierce into Ben’s. “Trust me, I _know_.” his voice becomes more hushed now. “But if he lays a hand on you, you’re old enough to get a restraining order. You’d never have to see him again.”

Ben’s eyes drop to the floor as he mulls this over in his head. They sit in silence for a couple seconds. “I don’t know.”

“Just think about it. Please? Maybe I can help you with it. Be there in the room with you so he won’t act out. You know he never would in front of a priest.”

“Oh, I’m not so sure about that.”

“Just _please_ , Ben. I hate to see you waste your life like this.”

Ben looks back up at Hux. “Ok, fine. I’ll do it tomorrow. Just give me a day to plan what I want to say to him.”

“Good. I’m a phone call away if you need any help. You know that right?”

Ben nods his head. “Thanks Armie.”

“Now get the hell out of here. And don’t let me see you back here next Sunday.” Hux pulls the panel closed again as Ben gets up and ducks out of the booth. At 6’3”, he looks like a giant climbing out of it.

“All good?” Snoke asks as he approaches the booth, hand on the door knob.

“Yeah. I’m just gonna head home if that’s okay with you. I’ve got some errands to run.”

“Okay. See you next Sunday.”

_Doubt it._ Ben thinks as he nods and turns to walk away, actively dodging the stragglers who are having conversations about the newest Christian country singers or gossiping about their neighbors.

He feels like he can finally breathe as he reaches the parking lot. He exhales loudly and combs his hair out of his face as he fumbles in his pocket for his car keys. Just then, something catches his eye. A group of young nuns walking together out of the back door of the church, talking amongst themselves and laughing. But Ben is only focused on one nun in particular. She’s about average height, wearing what all the other nuns are wearing: a black veil, a sleeveless black dress with three inch straps and a long sleeve white turtleneck under it, black tights, and black clunky school girl shoes. Her silver cross necklace glistens in the sunlight. But what draws his attention to her specifically is her face. She’s so young, early twenties at least, and so, _so_ beautiful. Her sleek eyebrows, her straight button nose, her full pink lips, her sharp jawbone, and her _eyes_. Dear, God, those honey drop eyes. She is the most perfect woman Ben has ever seen. Well… almost perfect.

_Get your head out the gutter, Ben._ He tells himself as he finds his keys in his pocket and unlocks his car. _She’s a nun for Christ sake._ He glances up once more to get one last look at her, only to find himself locking eyes with her. She has stopped dead in her tracks and is looking right at him, and he swears he feels some sort of spark in his chest. He smiles at her instinctively and she quickly looks away as if embarrassed and resumes to her group of friends.

Ben slouches into his car and rests his forehead onto the steering wheel. “Well fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment and/or kudos if you liked it! It brightens my day when I see that someone has enjoyed something that I created :)
> 
> Also, follow my Instagram where I post daily pics, vids, and edits of Reylo/Adam Driver: @adamdriveruniverse  
> You can also follow my Twitter: @driveruniverse


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While talking to one of her friends, Sister Rose, Rey has the sudden feeling of being watched.
> 
> She scans the parking lot and it doesn't take long to spot the culprit. He is standing next to the driver's side of a black mustang, fumbling in his coat pockets for something.
> 
> Just in that moment, she could have sworn that a spark ignited in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all of the positive feedback on the last chapter! My heart is so full :)
> 
> If you want any updates or just some fun posts and edits, go follow my instagram! @adamdriveruniverse
> 
> I hope you like this chapter and please leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed it!

Since Rey is just a novitiate, she spends most of her days praying, doing manual labor in the church community garden, teaching at Sunday school, and taking classes herself. Rey has been in the process of becoming a nun since she was eighteen. After two years in discernment and two years as a novitiate, she’s now five months away from taking her first vows. Five months and three years away from taking her final ones. After the final vows, there’s no turning back. She will be a nun just like her foster parents dreamed she would.

Rey Niima was abandoned as a child near a gas station in the middle of nowhere at the age of six for unknown reasons. From there, she was sent to stay with a foster family, the Plutt’s. Nobody seemed to be taking an interest in her, everyone’s attention was always on the newborns or infants. They didn’t want a kid who already had enough life experience to be fucked up by their biological parents. The Plutt’s reluctantly agreed to keep her, though, until the age of eighteen if no one adopted her; which ended up being the case.

Zena and Unkar Plutt never had any children of their own and all the other children that they fostered came and went, except Rey. So, you could say that Rey was the closest thing they had to a daughter. Zena was more caring than Unkar was. She would sing Rey church hymns as she fell asleep, styled her hair in three vertical buns (which she still wears to this day), made sure that she had eaten and drank plenty of water, and soothed her when she would wake from a nightmare. Unkar drank the liquor store down the street, babbled unintelligently about politics, and then passed out on the couch. There were only a few times when Unkar was in a drunken rage and Rey was just there, so he would take it out on her. He would smack her so hard across the cheek that she would fall to the ground with a thud and a cry. Zena always intervened before he got too handsy with her.

“Don’t you worry, dear child.” Zena would comfort Rey as tears streamed down her red cheeks. She would get an ice pack out of the freezer, wrap it in a towel, and hold it to Rey’s swollen face as she brushed strands of hair behind her ear. “Jesus is watching over us.”

That was Zena’s famous line; like it would somehow excuse Unkar’s behavior. She was very religious and hopeful and believed that everything happened for a reason.

“You’re going to make a great nun one day, Rey. Jesus has his eye on you. He sees your strength and courage and your willingness to keep going when things are hard.” 

_You’re going to make a great nun._ This echoed through Rey’s head as she sat at the kitchen counter and smiled weakly at Zena. She was such a sweet old woman; all Rey wanted to do was make her happy. That’s why she became a nun in the first place. Ever since she was six years old, Zena had been teaching her Catholicism and telling her that she would make a great nun some day. Rey grew up thinking that there was no other path to go down. She attended a private Catholic school along with Sunday school at The First Order Church of Christ. She grew up surrounded by nuns.

Once she reached the age of eighteen, she started the process of discernment where you talk with nuns, visit convents, attend retreats, and pray constantly. Rey quickly realized that the nun life wasn’t for her, but she loved seeing Zena’s wide, wrinkled smile as she told her that she was going to go through with it. It was the least she could do after the Plutt’s had agreed to keep her.

Now, Rey is twenty-two years old and so close to completing the novitiate stage, but she’s unsure if she should continue with it. That’s the good thing about being a novitiate: you can drop out anytime you want. And, believe it or not, Rey has thought about dropping out _way_ too many times. She never really took these thoughts too seriously, though… until today. When she saw _him_. The tall, dark, and mysterious stranger in the church parking lot.

She had just finished teaching one of her Sunday school classes in the basement of The First Order Church of Christ. Afterwards, she met up with a group of nuns around her age that she lived with at the St. Marcheur du Ciel Abbey and they all walked together out the back door of the church, moving their way to the community garden to check on the plants and water them if need be. 

While talking to one of her friends, Sister Rose, Rey has the sudden feeling of being watched. A chill starts at the nape of her neck and travels all the way down her spine causing her to stop dead in her tracks. Sister Rose hadn’t noticed, being too engrossed in complaining about a kid in one of her classes she taught who simply would not accept Jesus as the answer to anything.

Rey scans the parking lot that was being emptied quickly as people left the Sunday morning service to either go home or stop at a Denny’s for some good ol’ American breakfast. It doesn’t take long for her to spot the culprit. He is standing next to the driver’s side of a black mustang fumbling in his coat pockets for something. Just in that moment, she feels as though the rest of the world had simply faded away into oblivion and she could have sworn that a spark ignited in her chest for a split second. He was the most beautiful man she has ever seen. His sleek black hair bending into little curls at his shoulders frames a long, sculptured face. Each beauty mark seems to have been methodically planned and carefully placed. His lips are just sinful in themselves. No man should have lips that full and that perfect. But the one thing that really stuck out was how Goddamn tall he was; well over six feet. Rey, being only 5’6”, imagined their size difference if she stood next to him. How his massive frame would consume her as she would bend her neck back in order to look at his face. She feels her cheeks flush as her mind wanders to impure places- God forgive her- but quickly snaps out of it as his eyes raise from his pockets to meet hers. Oh _God_ those eyes! They shine the most beautiful brown in the sunlight, even from this distance. He cracks a smile at her, showing slightly crooked white teeth and deep dimples at both corners of that luscious mouth. Her knees go weak for a second and she quickly reverts her eyes, embarrassed for staring at a _man_.

_You’re a nun!_ She reminds herself. Even if just a novitiate, she absolutely cannot be in a relationship. 

_Just thinking about him doesn’t count as a relationship though._ An evil voice inside her head tells her as she catches up with the other nuns. 

_But those kinds of thoughts are sinful and impure._ She argues with herself. 

_Even so, do you really believe any of this stuff though? Do you really want to live your life as modest as this? Never able to get married? Never able to_ seal the deal _?_

Rey shakes her head as to try to escape her thoughts. She glances over her shoulder towards the man in the parking lot once more to find that he’s sitting in his car with his forehead resting on the top of the steering wheel. She needs to know him.

“Sister Rey?” Sister Rose shakes Rey’s shoulder to get her attention.

Rey whips her head around to her, eyebrows raised. “Hm?”

“I was saying how lovely these red Carnations look next to this Empire Blue Butterfly Bush.”

“Oh, yes.” Rey responds half out of it. “Yes, very lovely indeed.”

“Is everything alright, Sister?” Rose asks, noticing her distracted state.

“Yes!” Rey reassures her nervously. “I’m… I’m just tired. Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

Rose leans in and secretively whispers, “Was it Sister Jannah’s snoring?”

Both girls let out a giggle as Rey playfully punches Rose’s shoulder.

“What are you two laughing about?” Sister Jessika asks, raising an eyebrow as she waters a patch of dandelions.

“Nothing!” Rey and Rose blurt out in unison, coughing back another laugh.

“Well get over here and help out then. No time to be laughing at nothing, we’ve got flowers to plant and water.”

“Sorry, Sister Jessika.” Rey says apologetically. “It won’t happen again.”

Before Rey walks over to the shed to grab a watering can she looks over her shoulder one more time to see if the beautiful man was still in the parking lot… but he was gone. She feels a rush of sadness flow through her as the thought of not seeing him again crosses her mind. _It’s not like anything could happen, anyway._ She tries to comfort herself.

Even though Rey tries her best to clear her mind while she waters the plants, she fails as she inevitably pictures him. How he would smell when holding her, how her hands would feel in his, how he would taste as he passionately kissed her with those sinful lips, how he would feel inside her when he would lay her down and-

“Ugh!” Rey audibly grunts as she throws the watering can on the ground in a fit of frustration. Is God putting these thoughts in her head to test her? That’s nonsense. He would never.

_Probably because he doesn't care._ The evil voice snarls in her head. Rey’s eyes widen at the thought. Oh, what would the others think if they knew what was going on inside her head? Just then, Rey lifts her head and all of the other nuns are staring at her, the same worried look on all of their faces.

“Oh…” Rey looks at the watering can on the ground and back up at the others. “Spider.” she quickly says. “There was a spider on the handle. Sorry, Sisters.” she cracks an awkward smile.

“It’s alright.” many of them say as they resume their garden work.

Rey really needs to get her thoughts under control.

\---

No matter how hard she fought, Rey’s mind kept on going to that stranger throughout the rest of the gardening session. Thank God that was the last thing on the agenda for the day because Rey was really struggling.

“Hey, we’re all going to study our vows back at the abbey. You coming?” Sister Rose asks Rey as she wipes her hands together to get rid of the dirt on them.

“Actually, I was thinking about having a word with Father Hux real quick. But I can meet you guys back at the abbey later.”

“Alright. Is everything ok?”

“Oh yeah…” Rey tries to come up with an excuse as to why she’s going to talk to Father Hux, but she falls short. “It’s nothing really… I just…”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Rose puts a hand gently on Rey’s shoulder.

“I’ll tell you later, I promise.” Rey leans in closer and whispers. “I just don’t think we should talk about it in the open… around everybody.”

Rose looks a little worried. “Okay… Well, I’ll see you later.”

“Yup.” Rey nods and waves as Rose turns and walks away with the other nuns to the abbey. It’s not too far from the church; probably about a five minute walk.

Rey had full intention to tell Rose about the man in the parking lot. They could tell each other anything. Besides having to call each “Sister” out of formality, Rose really did feel like a sister to Rey.

As she walks to the back door of the church, Rey tries to gather up the courage to do a face-to-face confession with Father Hux. She just needs to clear her conscience and she finds that he can always help with that. Maybe it’s because he’s so close to her age and very relaxed, or maybe it’s because she knew him prior to him being a priest and considered him a close friend, but she finds him very easy to talk to. They’ve talked on many occasions; sometimes just to get some stuff off of her chest, other times more serious stuff like when she went through that period where she had nightmares about Unkar Plutt beating her again.

Father Hux’s office was located in the basement of the church along with all of the classrooms. Rey knocks gently on his office door and waits until she hears a “Come in!”. As she walks in she can see Father Hux is sitting at his wooden desk going through some paperwork that she couldn’t quite make out.

“Sister Rey! So good to see you.” He gestures toward a chair that sits on the opposite side of his desk. “Please, sit.”

“Thank you, Father. It’s good to see you too.” Rey sits down on the wooden chair that is padded with red velvet cushions and places her hands in her lap, barely breathing out of nerves. What is he going to think of her when she tells him what’s on her mind?

Hux takes one more quick glance at the papers on his desk and then sets them aside. “What can I do for you, Sister?”

Rey’s heart is beating a mile a minute and she can feel heat growing in her cheeks just from the thought of admitting what she’s feeling out loud. “Well…” her voice cracks and she coughs to clear her throat.

“Are you alright, Sister?” Hux’s brow has furrowed out of worry.

“Yes, quite. I was just hoping that I could confess some things that I’ve been feeling lately… well not lately, more like in the past hour. It’s nothing really, it has just been bothering me and I can’t get it out of my mind.” Rey has to take a deep breath because she basically said all of that without breathing. She looks at Hux apologetically.

“Sister,” Hux gets up from his chair and crosses over to sit in the empty one next to Rey. He places his hand comfortingly on her back. “Calm down, okay? It’s fine. This is a safe space. You can tell me anything. I won’t judge.”

“You won’t?” Rey asks, voice cracking again.

“I swear to the Lord himself.”

“I saw a man.” Rey blurts out. “He was in the parking lot earlier today as I was walking out of the church from teaching my class. He was very tall a-and handsome. Father, I feel so ashamed to say that my thoughts may have been impure.” Rey is almost in tears, frightened of what Father Hux might say. She avoids eye contact with him at all cost.

“These thoughts are only human, Sister. We can’t stop them no matter how much we try.” Hux leans over to his desk to grab a box of tissues and offers Rey one. She hesitates, but eventually takes one and dabs at her eyes. “Why don’t you tell me more about it. Maybe it will make you feel better.” Hux says as he places the box of tissues back on his desk.

“Well, the moment didn’t last long. I just felt like someone was watching me, so I looked around and spotted him. He wasn’t hard to miss because he’s a giant. He was looking for something in his pocket and I just stood there and studied him. I don’t know why, but I felt like I couldn't _move_ . Like I was stuck in the concrete of the sidewalk. I’ve just never seen a man so _beautiful_ before, you know?” Rey looks up at Hux and finds that he’s looking intently at her. Her heart skips a beat. “Oh, Father. I don’t mean to over step…”

“No, no, no.” Hux holds up a reassuring hand to her. “This is good to get this off of your chest. The more you tell me, the more I can help you clear your mind. I know being a nun isn’t easy. You’re forced to push down urges that are only natural, especially for someone of your age. Please, go on.”

Rey exhales heavily, feeling some pressure already being taken off of her chest. She doesn’t know what she would do if Hux weren’t so understanding. “Well after I was standing stuck there for a couple of seconds he finally looked up… right at me. Like he had no intention of looking anywhere else. And he smiled this warm smile. I don’t know, maybe he was just being nice, but I _felt something_. Like a spark.” Rey turns to look at Hux as she motions at her chest. “Father, have you ever heard of love at first sight?”

“Well, yes. From fairytales as a child.”

“Fairytales… right.” Rey looks down at her hands nervously. Hesitant on saying what she’s thinking, but it leaves her mouth before she can stop it. “But I think that’s what it was.”

Hux is silent.

“Do you think it was God testing me? Seeing if I can overcome this obstacle or something?” Rey’s eyes travel back to Hux’s

“Maybe.” Hux says slowly. “Listen, Sister. Don’t worry too much about these thoughts. It’s not impure to think about love. We can’t live life without it. I’m sure God can forgive…”

“But it wasn’t just about love.” Rey interrupts him suddenly, not even registering that she actually did. “I had _thoughts_ .” she says quieter this time. “About _being_ with him.” The heat in Rey’s cheeks are back and she fears that she looks like a tomato.

“It really saddens me that you feel so uncomfortable talking about these perfectly normal feelings, Sister. Why do you feel so embarrassed?”

Rey looks at him with watery eyes. “Nuns aren’t supposed to feel this way. We’re not allowed to have any romantic relationships or think about men this way. It’s _sinful_ , and we’re supposed to be pure. And also…” Rey trails off taking a deep breath. “I’m the only one of the novitiates who’s born again. And I feel like I shouldn’t even be allowed to be a nun because of it. I feel left out from the others.”

“You see, Sister, you don’t necessarily have to be a virgin to be a nun anymore. That’s an old way of thinking. Plus, you’re _born again_ , so it doesn't even count.”

“But it _does_ , Father. Whether I’m born again or not, it happened and there’s nothing that can change it. I’m so ashamed!” Rey covers her face and starts crying, her cold hands cooling her burning cheeks.

“Shh.” Father Hux rubs her back soothingly like Zena used to do when she was upset. “Don’t be ashamed. God has forgiven you.”

“How do you know?” Rey removes her face from her hands and reaches for the box of tissues on the desk. “How do you know what God does and doesn’t feel? Does he talk to you? Does he answer your prayers? Because he sure as hell doesn’t answer mine.” Rey registers what she just said. “Oh, Father. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. It is what’s on your mind. Are you having any doubts about your faith? Do you think you may not believe as much as the others?”

_Yes._ Rey thinks to herself, but she doesn’t say it out loud. She just sniffles and stays silent.

“You know,” Hux says after a semi-long pause. “if you’re having second thoughts- thinking that maybe this life isn’t for you- you can still drop out.”

“No!” Rey says quickly. “It’s just… you know how my foster mother raised me. I have to make her happy. And this is all I’ve been doing since I was eighteen…”

“Yes, Sister. But are _you_ happy?”

“Yes…” Rey says in an unintentional unsure tone.

“I’d give that question some more thinking.” Hux pauses as if mulling something over in his head. “Can we talk without formalities? Just person to person real quick? What I’m about to say isn’t very Fatherly of me.”

Rey holds her breath and nods.

“Good. Now, _Rey_ , What I suggest is that you take some time off. I’m not saying to drop out. Just take a couple days and think some things over. I’ll write you an excuse slip to give to the Abbess at the abbey that will excuse you from all of your duties.”

Rey opens her mouth to protest, but finds that Hux has cut her off. “Look, Rey. I see us as being close friends. We knew each other before I was a priest and you were a nun. I’m saying this to you because I have another friend who is going through kind of the same thing you are. And I don’t want to see you throw your life away just like I don’t want to see him do the same.”

Rey relaxes a bit at the mention of their past relationship. “Armitage,” she says cautiously, calling him by his first name for the first time in years. “I have nowhere to go. I live at the abbey. And you know I can’t go back to the Plutt’s. I fear that Unkar has gotten worse in his old age.”

“Why don’t you stay with me?”

“I can’t… that would be… that would be inappropriate.”

“How so? It’s a person taking in his friend while she’s going through a hard time in her life. Please. No one has to know if it makes you that uncomfortable. I can tell the Abbess that you have fallen ill and are staying at the hospital for a couple of days.”

“But that would be lying!”

“Which is what normal people do on a regular basis. Come live with me, try the normal life for a couple of days. Speaking as a friend who cares about you, I think it will suit you more than a life as a nun will.”

Rey looks down at the floor. “I’ll think about it.”

“Great. I want to hear from you tomorrow, so stop by anytime between one and three o’clock. That’s when I’ll be here.”

“Thank you, Armitage. Really. You’re the first person to talk to me like I actually have a choice in the matter.”

“It’s your life, Rey. Of course you do. Don’t let other people dictate what you can and can’t do.”

Rey gets up from her chair, grabbing another tissue and wiping her face clean. “Thanks again.” Rey smiles and gives him a hug. He hugs her back and it’s just the thing that she needed. She feels seen and appreciated in this moment, not like a person who must repress her emotions and put on a mask.

“Anytime.” Hux rubs her back soothingly again and releases her, letting her go on her way. Just as Rey steps out of the doorway and closes the door behind her, Hux’s phone rings.

He sits back down at his desk and answers, “Father Hux of The First Order...”

“Plug the shit, Armie, it’s me.” Ben’s deep voice interrupts him on the other line.

“Ben. What a pleasure. I wasn’t expecting you to call-”

“Put the priest act away, I need to talk to you human to human.”

“What is it?” Hux asks. Today seems to be the day that he should be getting his certificate in counseling.

“I met- well I didn’t really meet- I _saw_ a girl. And I just can’t shake her from my head.”

“Okay… how is this any different from all of the other girls you see?”

“She’s… well… sort of off limits.”

“What do you mean?” Hux asks suspiciously. After a long pause on Ben’s end, Hux seems to be putting the pieces together. “Ben…” he says slowly. “ _Who is this girl?_ ”

“Well, it’s kinda funny actually” Ben chuckles nervously. “… she’s a nun.”

Hux puts the phone down and buries his face in his hands. “Mother fucker!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be updating this story once a week, so expect chapter 3 to be posted next Wednesday! It's got some juicy content, so you'll want to stick around ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Would you- do you know this nun?" Ben asks warrily.
> 
> “I know many nuns, Ben." Hux says. "And even if you explain her to me, I am not setting you up with her! Nuns aren’t allowed to have romantic relationships. You know that."
> 
> "Just tell me her name. She-” Ben begins to describe the girl he saw to the best of his ability, but is cut off almost immediately by Hux.
> 
> "Rey. Her name is Sister Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please pay attention to the tags, especially the kinkier ones. This chapter is a bit smutty. Enjoy ;)

“Woah!” Ben exclaims sarcastically. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

Hux puts Ben on speaker phone so he can continue cradling his own face in his hands. “Why? Why? Just… WHY?” Hux says at a loss for words.

“It’s not like anything actually happened!” Ben retorts defensively. “I just saw her in the parking lot while I was looking for my keys and she looked like… an angel. I stopped looking at her before she noticed, but I glanced back up for a split second before I got in my car and she was looking at me too. And, Hux… I felt the weirdest thing. I know it sounds crazy, but it felt like a spark ignited in my chest when I locked eyes with her.”

“A… spark?” Hux asks slowly as he recalls Rey saying the same thing just a few minutes ago.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me. It’s just what I felt.”

“No, I believe you.” Hux says a little more calmly, running his hand down his face.

“Look, I know she’s a nun and off limits and all… but I just couldn’t get her out of my head the whole drive back to my apartment. Maybe it’s the whole ‘forbidden fruit’ thing. Like a secret kink, I don’t know. I was hoping you could help me.”

“Help you how?”

“I don’t know, man! Just help me get her out of my mind. Maybe find me someone to hook up with. That might work. Just get it out of my system.”

Hux laughs an _I can’t believe you_ laugh. “I think you’re perfectly capable of finding someone to hook up with on your own. You still keep in touch with Kaydel, right?”

Ben is silent on the other line and Hux can almost hear him thinking. 

“That’s not what you truly want is it?” Hux asks suspiciously.

“Would you- do you know this nun?” Ben asks warrily.

“I know many nuns, Ben. And even if you explain her to me, I am not setting you up with her! Nuns aren’t allowed to have romantic relationships. You know that. They’re already betrothed to God.”

“But maybe it would ease my conscience if I knew who she was. Just tell me her name. She-” Ben begins to describe the girl he saw to the best of his ability, but is cut off almost immediately by Hux.

“Rey. Her name is Sister Rey. She’s a novitiate.”

“ _Rey_.” Ben echoes with adoration. “Wait… how do you know? I barely described her.”

Hux hesitates, not wanting to ruin the confidentiality of his and Rey’s discussion. “Um… Oh, dear! Ben, I’m so sorry! I have to go. There’s a… um… fire.”

“Fire?’

“Yes, yes. Bad fire. I have to go.”

“Cut the shit, Hux. You’re a terrible liar.”

“Sorry, Ben. Got to go!”

“Hux-” Ben begins to say but is interrupted by the dial tone of Hux hanging up on him. “Bastard.” he mutters under his breath.

Ben throws his phone in frustration on the brown fabric couch cushion next to him. It bounces once and then falls to the floor with a thud. Ben pays it no attention to it at all. He sits on his couch, elbows perched on his knees, chin resting on his fists. “Rey.” He says again. The name feels good on his tongue. The way the one syllable stretches his mouth into a smile as he says it. His mind trails back to the conversation with Hux when he said that she is a novitiate. Which means she hasn’t taken her vows yet. Which means that she could still drop out and be a normal person.

“Stop it!” Ben audibly yells at himself, hitting his head as if to knock the memory of Rey out of it. He stands up from his couch and paces his living room, hands on his hips. It’s quite a small living room; just enough space to fit his couch that sits three people, a rectangular wooden coffee table painted gray, and a forty inch smart TV that’s perched on a dresser acting as a TV stand. His footsteps click on the laminate surface of his floors as he walks back and forth, back and forth. 

Running a hand through his hair, he exhales and walks over to his couch again, bending down to pick up his iPhone from where it fell. “Oh, thank God.” he says as he examines the screen and finds that it’s not broken. He can’t afford to get it fixed if it had. With his job as an assistant at Imperial & Co. (a medium-sized law firm), he barely makes enough to pay off his mustang that he bought impulsively.

He goes into his contacts list and scrolls through the long list of names until he gets to the K’s. His thumb hovers hesitantly over a specific name. He needs a way to get Rey out of his mind. An outlet that he can channel his sexual frustration into. And who better to help him with that than his dear old college fuckbuddy? After waiting a couple seconds, Ben finally clicks on the call button and lifts the phone against his ear hiding under his hair.

The phone rings three times before the recipient answers. “Well isn’t it Ben Solo? What a nice surprise.” the voice says seductively.

“Kaydel!” Ben responds. “So nice to hear your voice. How long has it been? Two, three years?”

“Years? Try WEEKS, Ben.”

Ben chuckles. “Ah, I’m just fucking with you.”

“Is this another booty call?” Kaydel asks casually.

“How’d you know?”

“I know when I’m needed. You have this certain tone in your voice. It’s kinda nervous, but also sexy.”

“Just come over.”

“Be there in five.”

Ben hangs up without saying goodbye. 

Him and Kaydel go way back. They met each other freshman year of college almost ten years ago. They lived on the same floor of their residence hall and became quick friends after chatting during orientation. Everyone joked about how Ben had a crush on Kaydel, but he didn’t. He just found her presence relaxing. She was very laid back and care-free. She didn’t care what people thought about her and she just marched to the beat of her own drum. She was everything Ben aspired, but was too afraid, to be. It wasn’t until they both reached Junior year that their friendship took an unexpected turn. They decided to go to a back to school party at a frat house together and got super shitfaced. It was a night full of sweaty dancing, tequila shots, sloppy snogging, and eventual hot and heavy sex. Ben didn’t know how he ended up fucking Kaydel because when he woke the next day, he had the worst hangover of his life and had little to no memories of the night before. He only knew that him and Kaydel fucked because he woke up in his dorm next to her, both of them naked with mysterious stains on the sheets.

Ben had layed there awkwardly, scared to breath, staring up at the ceiling trying to remember what had happened. Kaydel had woken up not too long after Ben. 

“Kaydel…” Ben said slowly. “Did we…”

“Yup.” Kaydel responded naturally. Like it wasn’t a big deal.

“I- I didn’t… take advantage of you…”

“God no, Ben! I initiated it. Calm down.”

Ben exhaled a sigh of relief.

“You don’t remember anything do you?” she asked.

“I was so fucked up I’m surprised I made it back to my dorm.” he laughed.

They then agreed that what had transpired the night before wouldn’t affect their friendship. But, seeing that their love lives had been nonexistent for some time, they agreed that they could move their friendship up a notch and be friends with benefits.

“No feelings attached.” Kaydel had said. “Only when either you and I are feeling horny.”

“Deal.” Ben had said it so business-like that he almost felt the urge to shake on it.

Nearly seven years later and Ben and Kaydel still keep in touch. They don’t hang out all the time, but they’ll meet up for lunch every once in a while, which then usually ends up with Ben’s dick in her. They’re there for each other when they need it, and that’s enough for both of them. They had agreed that it would stop when one of them found a partner, but so far that hasn’t happened- at least not long term.

As Ben waits for Kaydel to come over, he rushes into his bathroom and quickly rinses his mouth out with some mouthwash. It burns as he slushes it around inside his mouth and causes his eyes to water a little. He spits it out into the sink and gargles some cold water from the faucet. Wiping his mouth on a towel, he combs his fingers through his hair as if trying to neaten it. Then, a panic runs through him and his heart skips a beat. He quickly opens the cabinet below his sink and breathes a sigh of relief as he spots the box of condoms under there. He takes one out of the box, strides across the hall to his bedroom, and places it on his night stand. 

Just then, a knock on his front door. Ben walks out of his room, down the hall, through his living room, until he gets to his door. He opens it and is greeted by the wide, toothy smile of Kaydel.

“Miss Kaydel Connix.” Ben says smoothly.

“Mr. Ben Solo.” Kaydel responds, stepping past him and into his living room. Her dirty blonde hair is in tight french braided pigtails. She’s wearing a black bralette with a red and black flannel over it. Her high waisted jean shorts fit her form perfectly, revealing her hourglass body and cutting off right underneath the curve of her perfectly round derrière. The black leather combat boots that she’s wearing knocks her up a couple inches, bringing the top of her head just about level with the bottom of Ben’s nose.

“Very grungy.” Ben observes as he closes the door and locks it behind him.

“I’m experimenting with a new style.” Kaydel flips one of her braids behind her shoulder.

“I see that.” Ben steps closer to her, leaving just about two inches of space between them. He looks down at her and places his hands on her waist.

Her eyes flutter up at him through her fake eyelashes. “You look very dapper.”

“Just got back from church.” Ben mutters as he bends his head and brushes his lips softly against Kaydel’s neck.

Kaydel sighs and runs her fingers through his hair. “I thought you were done with that.”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Ben is scared that any talk about church is going to lead his thoughts back to _her_. And that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid.

“Alright. We can do other stuff instead.” Kaydel says as she palms the bulge through Ben’s pants. Ben groans in response. “Come on, you big tough man.” 

Grabbing his wrist, Kaydel leads Ben to his bedroom where she plops on his queen-sized bed and bounces teasingly at him, removing her flannel. Ben growls as he slips out of his blazer and throws it on the floor, eyeing her with hunger in his eyes. Kaydel kicks off her shoes and abandons her shorts along with her bralette, leaving her completely naked save for her black lace panties. Ben quickly unbuttons his shirt, unbuckles his belt and slips his pants off. He then slowly walks over to the bed and all but jumps on top of Kaydel. He kisses her ferociously, sliding his tongue along her lower lip, silently asking her to open her mouth. As she obeys, he slips his tongue in, tasting every bit of her. He bits her lower lips as she moans underneath him.

“Someone’s feeling frisky.” Kaydel says as Ben bites and kisses his way along her jaw and down her neck.

“Shh.” he hushes her as his hand trails down her stomach and over her panties, tracing her sex through the lace material. “You’re gonna be a good girl and do as I say, okay?” Ben growls, his voice deep and demanding.

“Yes, Daddy.” Kaydel nods.

Ben then lifts her hips off of the bed and grabs the lining of her panties with his teeth. He slips them off of her long legs, grabs them out of his mouth, and throws them on the floor with the rest of their abandoned clothing. Placing her hips back onto the mattress, he spreads her legs as he kneels between them.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good.” he says as he strokes Kaydel’s dripping folds. She gasps at the sudden contact and starts moving her hips, trying to get his fingers where she needs them the most. “I’m gonna fuck you until you can’t see, until you can’t walk, and then I’m come inside that tight pussy of yours. Think you can handle it? My big cock inside you?” Just then, he starts rubbing her clit with his thumb and she jolts underneath him from the joyous pressure.

“Yes.” she breathes. “Yes, I can handle it. I can take all of you.”

Ben leans down and places a rewarding kiss along her neck. “Good girl.”

He abandons her clit and she protests with a disappointed whine. She’s not complaining for long though, because Ben doesn’t hesitate to slip _two_ of his large fingers inside her wet entrance. She groans at the feeling of him stretching her out, sliding against her inner walls. Kaydel starts to grind against his hand, eager for release. Ben’s erect cock twitches on her abdomen at the sounds that she makes.

“So desperate.” He whispers in her ear. “So _wet_.” Ben arches his fingers upward and Kaydel screams out in pleasure.

“Only for you, _Daddy_.” This makes Ben’s dick twitch even more, precum seeping at his tip.

Ben quickens the pace of his fingers, Kaydel’s moans and the flutter of her inner walls around him worsens his need to be inside of her. “Come for me, Baby. Be a good girl and come for Daddy. I want you to soak my hand. I want to taste your sweetness as I lick you clean from my fingers.” His thumb finds her clit again to give her the extra stimulation she needs and she jolts like an electric shock had just surged through her. Ben lowers his head down to Kaydel’s tits and starts kissing and sucking, occasionally grazing his teeth against her nipples.

Kaydel clutches the white linen sheets of Ben’s bed as she comes around his fingers. Her nose scrunches, her jaw slacks, and her back arches off of the mattress as Ben continues to finger-fuck her through her orgasm, kissing her tits softly. “My good little girl.” he praises her. “So pretty when she comes.”

As she comes down, her breathing steadying and the pulse in her cunt slowly fading, Ben pulls his fingers out of Kaydel’s slick, dripping entrance. Kaydel looks at Ben slightly out of breath, “You really do know how to work those fingers don’t you?”

He lifts his hand to his mouth and licks his fingers seductively. This causes Kaydel’s core to throb again.

She kisses Ben and tastes herself on his lips, on his tongue, and finds it strangely turning her on even more. Ben moves to suck on her neck, nibbling on it, intending to leave a mark. “Are you ready to take me?” he whispers in her ear.

Kaydel nods and cants her hips in response, biting down on her bottom lip and looking up at Ben with want glistening in her eyes.

Ben stokes his hard, flushed cock, moving it to where it’s just nudging at her entrance. “Shit.”

“What? What is it?”

“I almost forgot the condom.”

“It’s fine. I have a sponge in.”

“A sponge? You didn’t have that before.” Ben asks, confused.

“I know that you don’t like condoms, and we’re both clean, so I just thought ‘fuck it’.”

“‘Fuck it’, huh?” Ben moves his hips slightly with a wide grin on his face as he slowly inches his way into Kaydel. “I fully intend to.”

Kaydel is caught off guard by the sudden pressure of Ben’s large dick sliding past the inner walls of her cunt, stretching her out so pleasingly. She bites her lips and grabs hold of Ben’s broad shoulders. This sensation should be something that she’s used to by now, but Ben always makes it feel new. 

It doesn’t take long for Ben to bottom out. He is larger than the normal male, but since him and Kaydel have been doing this for just about seven years, the large diameter of his dick no longer hurts. Ben hangs his head in the slope of her neck as he pulls out slowly, only to slam back into her forcefully. Kaydel’s breath hitches as her hands find themselves tangled in Ben’s raven black hair. He thrusts in and out of her over and over and over again, each one more forceful than the last. His large hands gripping her waist with bruising pressure slide down her thighs to the crooks of her knees. Biting down on her shoulder, he lifts both of her knees to where they’re almost level with her chest. He straightens himself up to where he is standing on his knees, towering over Kaydel as he slams his hips against her, the sound of skin slapping wet skin echoes through the apartment along with grunts of need and hunger.

“Told you I’m gonna fuck you till you can’t walk. When I’m done with you, I want you limping out of here. You understand?” Ben says through staggered breaths. 

“Yes, Daddy.” Kaydel cries as her hands wander down to her clit and start rubbing in haphazard circles, giving her extra stimulation. “Fuck me, please. Fuck me until I scream your name so loud I can’t speak. Fuck me- oh!” Ben hits a spot deep inside Kaydel that makes her back arch off of the mattress once more, causing her hips to dig deeper into Ben’s, her clit grinding against his pubic bone.

“You dirty, dirty girl.” Ben sneers. He can feel both him and Kaydel are close to release. He throws his head back as he thrust his cock into her, trying to hit that spot that made her cry out. “I’m gonna fill you up. You’re going to feel me dripping out of you all day.”

And with that, Kaydel’s cunt tightens around his cock, her inner walls flutter and soak him with her second release of the day. This added pressure elicits a strained moan that comes from the back of Ben’s throat as he seeks his own release. His thrusts growing ragged as he empties himself inside of Kaydel, his orgasm spreading bliss all throughout his body. With one last smack of wet skin, Ben topples on top of a spent Kaydel and stays laying ontop of her, peppering her shoulder with kisses until his heart rate returns to normal.

“Fuck, what has gotten into you today?” Kaydel asks after Ben finally pulls out of her with a quiet grunt and rolls over to lay next to her. 

“What do you mean?” Ben asks innocently, turning to Kaydel and propping his head on his hand. He traces her perked nipple as he looks into her hazel eyes.

“You were an animal. Much more forceful than you’ve ever been in the past.”

As much as Ben didn’t want his thoughts to go back to Rey, they did. His and Kaydel’s little fucking session helped him keep his mind off of her for a little bit, but now it was time to face reality.

“It’s nothing.” his eyes stray from hers and wander to his pointer finger drawing circles smoothly around Kaydel’s tiny perky breasts.

“Come on, Ben. Something’s bothering you. Tell me.” Kaydel combs her long, thin fingers through Ben’s hair which is now a bit damp with sweat.

Ben hesitates and stops circling Kaydel’s breasts. He turns to lay down on his back and stares at the ceiling, hands resting on his bare stomach. “It’s just… you’re going to judge me.”

“Well, I might. You neve know until you tell me and find out for yourself.”

Ben scoffs. “Fine.” he continues to tell Kaydel about his not even encounter with Rey the nun, refusing to look at her face while he describes the way he felt, afraid that all he would find is pure judgement.

“I know I didn’t even talk to her, and it was just a couple seconds of creepy staring, but I can’t get her out of my mind. That’s why I called you… to distract myself.”

It’s Kaydel’s turn to roll over and face Ben, tracing his chest just as he did hers. “Aww. Little Benny is in love.” she teases.

Ben smacks her hand away. “I knew you were going to judge me! And I’m not in love, I’m… infatuated. I doubt it’ll last long.”

“Whatever you say, Loverboy. You said Hux knew who it was without you even explaining her?”

“Yes, and then when I started to question him, he made up some bullshit excuse about a fire. Something is up with him.”

“Maybe he just didn’t want you gawking after one of his nuns.” 

“No… that’s not it.” Ben’s brow furrows as he tries to come up with a reason for Hux’s fib.

Kaydel studies his face. “There’s something else bothering you.” she states.

“What do you mean?” Ben turns his head to her confused.

“Ben, I’ve known you for almost ten years. You can’t hide anything from me. This _holier than thou_ nun isn’t the only thing on your mind. Is it Snoke?”

“I’d rather not discuss this while we’re both laying naked in post-sex euphoria.” Ben tries to shy away from the topic.

“Fine. I’ll get dressed and then you can tell me about it.” Kaydel starts to get up out of the bed, but Ben wraps his large hand around her boney wrist tightly, holding her in place.

“But what makes you think I’m done with you, young lady?” His voice a low, gruff growl. He yanks her arm back and Kaydel squeals as she falls back on the bed. Ben climbs on top of her, caging her in place with his thighs straddling her hips and his hands placed on the mattress next to her shoulders. He has a wild look in his eyes and Kaydel could have sworn that they had darkened.

“What else do you have planned for me?” She cocks her eyebrow as her hands slide between them, down Ben’s muscular chest and grips his red hardening dick.

“Get on all fours.” he whispers harshly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Get on all fours" is inspired by an episode of Girls on HBO.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Don't forget to leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed :)
> 
> Follow my instagram for more fun content! @adamdriveruniverse


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Rey turns to walk toward the back door of the church, she slams right into what feels like a brick wall. She squeals as she does so, noticing something grabbing hold of her waist.
> 
> “Shit.” the brick wall exclaims with a husky voice. “I’m so sorry.”
> 
> Rey feels herself being pulled away by the hands that are wrapped around her waist. She looks up, craning her neck almost all the way back to gaze right into the face of… him.
> 
> The man from the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so glad you all have enjoyed this story so far. And thank you for almost 1k hits! Never thought it'd get this far!

Rey’s walk to the St. Marcheur du Ciel Abbey was a blur. She was too inside her head to remember the walk at all, actually. Ever since she left Armitage’s office her thoughts had been bouncing around the walls in her head. What was she going to do? Was she going to leave the only life that she has known, even just for a little bit? No religion, no nuns, no rules, just… normalcy. All because of a guy she spotted in the church parking lot. She doesn’t even know him! He could be an axe murderer or a cultist or… just smell bad. Well, cultist was out of the question because he had been attending church. Axe murderer _could_ still be on the table; you can’t know for sure just from looking at someone. But there was no way, whatsoever, that the man that she locked eyes with- the man who smiled that adorable, leg-jellifying smile at her- smelled bad.

_I bet he smells amazing._ Rey thinks to herself as she strolls along the sidewalk, warm summer breeze easing the heat of the sun on her black dress. _I bet he smells manly. Like those expensive colognes you buy at those high-end stores in the city. Teakwood or oak moss. Or maybe he smells like those bold scents at Bath and Body Works; Noir or Midnight._

“God, Rey, stop fantasizing about a man you’ll probably never see again in your life.” Rey mutters to herself quietly, probably looking crazy to any passerbyers.

Though she tries with all of the strength she has not to think about him, the man from the parking lot crowds her mind, making it impossible to stop thinking about him. Impossible to stop _fantasizing_ about him. He was just so tall and his hands looked like they could cover the span of her abdomen. She daydreams about what those large, branch-like fingers could do. How they would feel in her hair when he kissed her with those plump lips. How they would trickle down her spine, causing it to tingle, and rest on her ass as she would devour his face. How they would ease into her-

“God, stop it!” she whispers loudly at herself, gripping her veil-covered head. Those thoughts will get her nowhere except down a dark path, which she fears she might never return from. That way lies madness.

Rey spends the rest of her walk to the Abbey trying to focus on anything, _everything_ , but what her mind really wants her to focus on. She has self-control. She will _not_ feed the monster inside her brain, no matter how hungry it is. Instead, she moves her attention toward the cement beneath her feet. The hard gray surface is covered in cracks, dirt, and ant holes. She focuses on how it feels under her black vintage brogue shoes. And how her feet hurt slightly because these shoes are _very_ uncomfortable. 

She then moves her attention up toward the sky. It’s a lovely summer day and the sun is shining warmly down on her, but not to the point where she feels like she’s going to melt inside her modest outfit. The light blue sky is polka dotted with wispy clouds, not the fluffy-looking kind that she thought you could actually sit on as a child. A plane flies overhead, leaving behind a white trail that blends in with the clouds. Rey wonders where it’s going. How many people are on it. Is there a family filled with joy and excitement on their way to a nice vacation at the beach? Or is there a stern business man who’s getting his seat kicked by a rowdy little kid? Rey smiles at the mental image she conjures in her brain. No matter where the plane is going or who is on it, she desperately wishes she could board it and escape to a far off world.

As Rey finally approaches the St. Marcheur du Ciel Abbey, she takes in the sight of the building against the blue of the sky. It really is a simple, but beautiful structure. It’s simple being that it is just a rectangular building with a square room jutting off of the front. The roof is triangular and there is a bell tower standing tall and sturdy on top of it. It’s beautiful in the way that it is built entirely out of cobblestone. The square entrance is surrounded by a semi-open walkway lined with arches and colorful potted flowers. There are three tall, arched windows on the front of the building near the top; the middle window taller than the other two because of the triangular shape of the roof. And right on top, a white cross that symbolizes sacrifice, faith, and passion. 

Rey walks up the cobblestone steps to the brown wooden Abbey doors, hesitating nervously before she plucks up the courage to open it and step inside. She is greeted by a small, but elegant chapel where the nuns gather every morning to do their prayers before starting the day. Along the back wall is a door that leads to a hallway where you can access the dormitories, cafeteria, and the Abbess’ office. Rey scurries to that door, keeping her head down as if trying to make herself smaller… invisible, even. She needs to find Rose right away and she can’t afford to run into any other nuns, or worse… Abbess Holdo. With how flustered she is, she’s afraid that words might slip her mind and she won’t be able to carry an actual conversation. She would feel guilty talking to another nun while she had been daydreaming about a man’s hands doing vile things to her just moments ago. Luckily, she makes it to the dormitories unnoticed.

The novitiate dormitories are quite roomy, consisting of a large common room which holds a fireplace, three decent sized worn fabric couches, a fridge for snacks and drinks, and a table to study vows if need be (although the girls mainly use it to play card games). The cobblestone walls always make it ten degrees warmer than it should be, but the cool tile flooring evens it out. Along the back wall are four doors, each one leading into a bedroom that houses two girls (there are a total of eight: Rey, Rose, Paige, Jannah, Sella, Phasma, Jessika, and Bazine). Although Rose and Paige are sisters, Rose still insists on sharing a room with Rey, claiming that she is more fun. Rey doesn’t disagree with her.

Rey swiftly sneaks into the common room, examining the area. She spots all seven girls sitting on the couches around the unlit fireplace. They have neglected their veils, but are still in their dresses. Rey is too distracted with trying to get Rose’s attention to listen in on what they’re talking about; it’s probably about the upcoming ceremony where they take their first vows. Everyone is so excited about it except Rey.

Rose is sitting cross-legged on the couch facing the back wall that leads to their room, talking and laughing with the other girls. Rey tiptoes toward their door hoping that Rose catches a glimpse of her. When she doesn’t, Rey swings her arms over her head which finally gets Rose’s attention.

“Excuse me, Sisters.” Rey hears Rose say as she waits for her impatiently by their door.

“Hey, I need to talk to you.” Rey says as Rose approaches her. She wraps her slender fingers around Rose’s wrist, dragging her in their room and closing and locking the door behind them.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asks concerned as Rey slips her veil off revealing her three vertical buns. She places the black fabric on her bed as she sits down and lets herself fall backward onto the bouncy mattress, springs creaking beneath her. Rose slowly sits down on the bed opposite of hers, worry plastered on her pale face.

Rey lays still for a couple of seconds, staring at the ceiling intensely, debating in her head whether she should tell Rose about the events that transpired today. Although Rose is her best friend and she knows that she won’t blabber to anyone, this is very sensitive stuff. If any of it gets out, Rey could be kicked out and Hux could get into big trouble, if not fired.

“I know I can trust you with anything,” Rey starts, still looking at the ceiling. “But what I’m about to tell you is top secret.” She sits up on the bed, looking Rose dead in the eyes. “Not a soul can know about this.”

Rose hesitates before answering, brow furrowed and hands fidgeting nervously. “You can tell me anything.” she finally says.

Rey shakes her head. “I need to hear it from you. You have to swear to God, Himself, that you will not tell a single person, plant, or animal.”

“Rey…”

“Please?” Rey’s voice cracks.

Rose gets up from her bed and walks across to Rey’s, sitting down next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. “I swear to God, I will not say a word. Whatever you say will stay inside this room.”

“Thank you.” Rey whispers holding onto Rose’s hand.

“Now, please, tell me what has got you so bothered.”

Rey inhales so deeply it’s as if she’s trying to suck all of the oxygen out of the tiny bedroom. “Well… do you remember, today, in the garden when I was kind of out of it?”

Rose nods slowly, urging her to go on.

“I saw someone. A man. A _handsome_ man. And he saw me. We locked eyes and there was this instant connection. I can’t describe it, really.”

Rose removes her hand from Rey’s shoulder. “Rey… I-I don’t know what to say. I mean… you know we can’t-”

“Yes, yes I know! That’s why I went to talk to Armi- _Father Hux_. I was hoping he could help me with my predicament.”

“And did he?”

Rey scrunches up her face and shrugs her shoulders. “Kind of. He- well you know our history… he approached the situation as a friend rather than as a priest. He said that I should… take a break.” she looks at Rose as she says this last part, wanting to examine her facial expressions as she takes in the information. She looks confused.

“What do you mean ‘take a break’?”

_Don’t tell her._ Rey thinks as she looks away from Rose. _She’ll judge you if you tell her the truth. Go off and tell the others, tell Abbess Holdo. Then you’ll be in_ very _big trouble. You’ll for sure be kicked out and lose the only friends in your life, besides Armitage. You’ll let Zena down. Poor, old, fragile Zena. Her heart might not be able to take it…_

“Rey.” Rose shakes her out of her daze. She must have been sitting there silent for longer than she thought. “What do you mean ‘take a break’?” she repeats.

Rey hides her face. “I just don’t feel like I belong here. With all of you. You all are so committed to this life, and I’m… I’m only doing this for Zena.” 

This is the first time Rey has admitted this out loud. She always thought it in her head, but that didn’t mean anything. Verbally speaking the words makes it real… and she regrets it immediately.

Rey looks up at Rose, worried she’ll find her best friend sitting there looking at her like she was a monster. But what she found was somehow worse. It was sadness. It was pity.

Rose hugs her, pulling Rey’s head to rest on her chest as she places her hand gently on her temple. It’s oddly comforting and Rey grabs hold of Rose’s arm and closes her eyes, breathing in the moment, listening to the steady beat of Rose’s heart.

“I’m so sorry you feel this way. I wish there was something I could do to help.” 

“Me too.” Rey whispers. “But don’t worry, I’m not leaving for good. I’m just going to stay at Father Hux’s place for a couple days. Just to get away from everything and clear my head.” she pulls away from Rose. “Even though I don’t feel like I completely belong here, you guys are my family. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t lose us. No matter your decision, we will support you.” Rose offers a reassuring smile. “Now let’s backtrack… you said you’re staying with Father Hux for a couple days? How will you pull that off?

Rey tells Rose the plan that Armitage came up with. “I’m a little nervous about it, but I think it will really help me.”

“This whole situation is just crazy. I’ve never heard of anything like it! I mean, you basically have a quarter life crisis just because you had an awkward starring session with a man in a parking lot.”

Rey laughs and snorts so loud, she is certain the girls in the common room heard her. “I know, I know.” she starts to calm her laughter. “I must have been delusional earlier because I told Father Hux that I thought it was love at first sight.” She could barely get the last words out because she had started laughing very hard again, and this time, Rose joins in.

“Love at first sight?” Rose says through pained giggles. “I mean, you never know.”

“Oh, God.” Rey breathes as she clutches her aching stomach after a fit of laughter. “I’m in deep trouble aren’t I?”

“Yes, yes you are. But I still love you.” Rose hugs her again.

“I love you too.” Rey says as she hugs Rose back.

“Now,” Rose lets her go to look her in the eyes. “Tell me about this man.”

“Rose!” Rey hits her shoulder playfully.

“Come one! I’m only human. The rest of us aren’t getting, and will never get, any action. I want details!”

\---

It was a restless night for Rey. She hadn’t done much the rest of the day; just sit in the common room with the other girls, pretending to listen to their conversation. She was just too distracted with how this whole plan was going to pan out. Too nervous about going to see Armitage tomorrow to take him up on his offer. What if she _did_ like normal life better than nun life? What was she going to do? The Plutt’s sure as hell won’t support her. They would honestly most likely shun her. She would feel bad getting help from Armitage. He was already doing and risking too much for her. She would need to get a job, her own place, and new friends because she’s sure the other nuns wouldn’t want to hang out with her anymore. Well, the other nuns minus Rose.

Rey was in a daze, and nobody even noticed. She was quiet all throughout dinner. Staring off into space as she poked at the mac and cheese on her plate and barely touched her beer battered cod. She nodded absent-mindedly as Jannah talked about her lesson plans for her Sunday school class next week and how Father Hux is having them start the kids off too early with memorizing important bible verses. 

“I mean, they’re seven years old for gosh sake! They can barely tie their own shoes!” Jannah complains.

“I could tie my shoes at seven.” Jessika chimes in.

“Ok, but my point is, they’re too young to be memorizing this much stuff. Their brains need to be more developed to retain that much information.”

Rey gives an oblivious nod which goes unnoticed.

That night, Rey goes to bed with an almost empty stomach, but she doesn’t seem to have much of an appetite. It must be the nerves. She tosses and turns under her plain white ruffled comforter, the quiet breathing of a sleeping Rose is loud in the silence of their room. Rey can’t calm her mind enough to fall asleep. Her thoughts are too noisy. 

Four hours. Four hours of laying in bed staring at the ceiling pass before she finally manages to drift into a light sleep. Too light to dream. Too light to make her feel well-rested when her alarm clock rings loudly on her phone laying next to her on her bed. The nuns are only allowed to have their phones after dinner at around six o’clock. They have to drop them in the phone box before they leave the abbey for the day. Rey always thought that this was a ridiculous rule. A rule that she wouldn’t have to follow if she had a normal life.

This morning, The First Order Church of Christ is hosting a rummage sale where people donate any belongings that they no longer use to the church and the church sells them in what is basically a garage sale. The nuns are required to help out for at least two hours, so at 12:40, they make their five minute journey from the abbey to the church.

“Are you going to tell him today?” Rose asks as she sneaks up behind Rey who jumps, slightly startled.

“What?” Rey stifles a yawn once Rose catches up with her pace, striding alongside her on the sidewalk.

“Father Hux. Are you going to tell him you’re… _taking a break._ ” Rose leans in to whisper this last part, not wanting the other nuns to hear them.

“Oh… that.” Rey looks down at the ground as she nervously fidgets with her silver cross necklace. “Yeah, I am. He said he would be in his office around one o’clock, so I’ll help out a bit at the rummage sale and then sneak off to see him.”

“Okay. Do you want me to cover for you? You know… in case someone asks where you’ve gone?”

“No, no. You don’t have to do that for me. I don’t want my sins to be your burden. Lying to the others…” Rey exhales as if adding for effect. “that would do the trick.”

“I don’t mind. I could just pray to make up for it.”

Rey smiles her bright toothy smile at her. “Sister Rose, I think I've made a bad impression on you.”

Rose nudges her with her shoulder. “Oh shut up. You would do it for me.”

“Alright… just say that I wasn’t feeling well… a bit nauseous… and that I’ve run off to the loo. That’s the cover-up that Father Hux came up with. To tell the Abbess that I came down with something and I would be spending a couple days at the hospital.”

“Wow, this is going to take at least a good hour of prayer to be forgiven.” 

“You don’t have to do it. I don’t want to make you feel like you’re being forced.”

“No, don’t worry. It’s fine. You know I would do anything for you. Even sin.” Rose smiles as she intertwines her arm with Rey’s.

Rey feels a bit guilty at this, but she’s just so happy to have Rose in this moment. Maybe she’s being greedy, but it does seem like if she were to sin, this would be the week to do it.

The group approaches the church right around 12:45. That gives Rey a good fifteen minutes to mentally prepare herself to talk to Armitage. She made sure that she didn’t get assigned too important of a task once they had arrived in the basement of the church, which is where the sale is taking place. The stronger girls (Jannah, Bazine, and Phasma) were assigned to help bring boxes in from the loading trucks. Sella and Paige were assigned to ring up customers, and Rose, Rey, and Jessika were assigned to unpack the boxes and organize the merchandise into categories on the long tables spread across the large room.

Rey is in the middle of unpacking a box of children’s books when she feels a light tap on her shoulder. She turns around, greeted by the dimpled smile of none other than Sister Rose Tico. 

“Time to go.” She whispers glancing at the clock hanging on the wall. It was one o’clock already.

Rey inhales deeply. “Okay. You remember the cover story?”

Rose nods eagerly. “Good luck.”

Rey gives her a weak smile and sneaks out the back door that leads to the classrooms and Armitage’s office.

As Rey walks up to Armitage’s door, her heart beats as fast as a hummingbird’s. She hesitates at his closed door, arm halfway raised, getting ready to knock. After a couple seconds, she finally finds the courage to place three quiet, but still audible, knocks on the wooden door.

“Come in.” 

Rey opens the door with a shaking hand, her breath staggered.

“Ah, Rey! I was hoping you would stop by.” Armitage says happily as Rey steps into his office and closes the door behind her. She sits down in the same chair she did yesterday and gives Armitage a nervous smile.

“So… have you made a decision?” He asks.

“Yes.” Rey says looking down at her hands.

“And?”

“I’ve decided…” She takes a deep breath and lifts her chin up. “to take a break. To stay with you and give the normal life a try. If that’s still okay with you.”

Armitage smiles widely. “That is more than okay with me, Rey. I really think this is going to be a good experience for you.”

“I hope so. I’m just so nervous… lying to Abbess Holdo and the others… I feel guilty.”

“Don’t feel guilty. You’re not necessarily lying. You’re just… withholding the truth.”

“That doesn’t sound any better.”

“Just believe that what you’re doing is for the better, because it is. Sometimes you have to put yourself first if you want to find happiness.”

Rey smiles slightly at him, hoping that this gesture will make her feel better somehow. “So, what do we do now?”

“Now, I will write an excuse slip that I will give to Abbess Holdo. It will excuse you from your duties for a week. I will tell her that you have fallen ill and have taken some time off so as to not infect the others.”

Rey sighs. “Thank you so much… for everything. I know how hard this must be for you. To go against God. To risk your career…”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re my friend and I just want to see you happy.”

It seems to be a running theme for Rey’s friends to sin just to see some joy in her life, and she finds it disgusting that she thinks it’s kind of sweet.

“Now, I have about two more hours until I’m off. I have to stay here while the rummage sale is going on. I’ll give you the keys to my car if you want to return to the abbey, pack up some clothes and get your phone. I’m sure there won’t be anybody there to catch you. Abbess Holdo has Mondays off, if I remember correctly.”

Rey nods and stands up, Armitage joining her. “Thank you. Really. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

Armitage walks around his desk to hug Rey. “There is no need to thank me. What else are friends for?”

As they break their hug, Armitage reaches in his pants pocket to retrieve his car keys. “You do know how to drive right?”

Rey laughs. “I’m twenty-two years old. Of course I do.”

“Alright. Just making sure. Drive safe and I’ll see you back here soon, yeah?”

“Okay.” Rey accepts the keys and smiles at her friend one last time before she opens the door and walks out of his office, closing the door once more behind her.

As she turns to walk toward the back door of the church, she slams right into what feels like a brick wall. Tall and firm, but smelling of sandalwood and violet leaves. She squeals as she does so, noticing something grabbing hold of her waist.

“Shit.” the brick wall exclaims with a husky voice. “I’m so sorry.” 

Rey feels herself being pulled away by the _hands_ that are wrapped around her waist. She looks up, craning her neck almost all the way back to gaze right into the face of… _him_. She has the sudden need to press her thighs together at his touch.

The man from the parking lot. All of a sudden his large hands encompassing her waist send electric bolts through her body and she almost goes weak at the knees. 

He looks down at her and takes a quick step back, releasing his hands from her lightning fast. He’s looking at her like she’s the only person in the universe. Like he had found something that he lost and has spent so long searching for.

“It’s fine.” Rey finally blurts out, voice more high pitched than she intended it to be.

They stand there staring at each other awkwardly. His dark hair looks more scruffed than yesterday and there are dark circles forming under his eyes like he didn’t sleep a wink last night. That doesn’t stop him from looking any more gorgeous. Up close, his features are even more beautiful than she remembered. She can see the shadow of a goatee growing around those perfect pink lips of his. And his brown eyes have a hint of green encircling his pupils.

“Well,” he breaks the silence with his deep, intoxicating voice. “I… um… I’m headed this way.” he points in the direction of Armitage’s office.

“Oh… yeah. Okay.”

What was he doing going to see Armitage? Did they know each other?

“Sorry again. About bumping into you.”

“No worries, it was my fault. I should have looked where I was going.”

“Alright… well… nice running into you.” The man says awkwardly.

He passes by Rey, engulfing her senses in his smell again. She knew he wouldn’t smell bad.

“I’m Rey.” she says louder than necessary. Her cheeks start to burn and she knows for a fact that her face has turned beet red.

The man stops dead in his tracks as if startled, hand reaching out to grasp the handle to Armitage’s office. Oh how his hands make that handle look microscopic…

He turns to look at her, eyes full of surprise. “Ben.” he says. “I’m Ben.”

  
 _Ben._ She thinks his name on repeat as she smiles at him and awkwardly walks away in the other direction and out the back door of the church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind words and support! I really appreciate it!
> 
> Don't forget to show your love in the comments and leave a kudos if you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rummage sale is tomorrow_. He thinks to himself. _Armie will be there until it’s over. I can stop by his office and ask if he’s still up for coming with me to go see Snoke. Most likely he will be, and hopefully he can give me some advice on how to approach the situation calmly and carefully._
> 
>  _There. That’s one hassle dealt with. As for Rey..._ Ben’s heart flutters at the thought of her. 
> 
> _You. Have. To. Get. Yourself. Under. Control._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content Warning:**   
>  **This chapter includes graphic descriptions of childhood abuse. Please pay heed to the tags!**
> 
> Also, this chapter is a bit longer than the others, clocking in at a little over 5,400 words. Hope you guys don't mind :)

It had taken almost a half hour of prodding on top of a blowjob for Kaydel to finally get out of Ben what had been bothering him (besides the nun).

“You gonna tell me or not?” Kaydel asks, lips red and slightly swollen, as Ben hesitates, breathing heavy. “You know I hate giving head. You specifically said ‘Suck my dick and I’ll tell you’. Now you have to tell me!”

“I said ‘ _ maybe _ ’ I’ll tell you.” Ben lays on his back, arm resting behind his head, perfectly content from the BJ that Kaydel had given him just seconds ago. She doesn’t do it often, but when she does, it’s a gift.

“Oh fuck you.” Kaydel hits him on his chest and gets up to start getting dressed.

“Already did. Four times today technically.”

She gives him a dirty look over her shoulder as she slips on her shorts and her black lace bralette that secures around her neck.

As Ben watches her, still laying in bed naked, he takes a deep breath. “I’m going to tell Snoke.”

Kaydel freezes as she’s getting ready to bend down to pick up her red and black flannel off of the cold wooden floor. She looks back at him. “Tell him what?”

“That I’m not going to do the whole church thing anymore. That I’m an Atheist.”

“That’s great. You’ll feel much better getting it all out in the open.”

“No, you don’t understand.” Ben looks away from her. “Snoke… he can get pretty violent. Especially when it comes to me. I’m...” Ben trails off.

Kaydel slowly sits back down on his bed next to him, placing a delicate hand on his muscular arm. “You’re scared.” 

Ben doesn’t answer. Just stares at the ceiling. It’s true though. He’s fucking terrified of what Snoke might say. What he might  _ do _ . It wouldn’t seem like a big deal from an outsider’s point of view. Telling your guardian your true beliefs about religion. But when that guardian lives their entire life off of the Bible and has abused you in the past for questioning the word of God, it gets ten times more complicated.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I talked to Armie today and he said that he could be there with me so Snoke won’t lash out. But that won’t stop him from doing exactly that when Armie is gone. He spent my entire life trying to brainwash me into thinking like him, and to realize that he failed… that will send him over the edge.”

“Ben, he’s old and frail now. Plus you’re taller and way more fit than he is. If he tries to even touch you, you can retaliate.”

Ben sits up. “It’s not that easy, Kay. When you have been… abused your whole life… it  _ does _ something to you. It turns you back into that frightened little boy hiding in his closet, scared for Snoke to come home from work. Terrified because you never know when you’ll say or do the wrong thing and he’ll lash out and strike you with his belt or choke you while he lifts you off of the ground, yelling in your face while you struggle for air.” Ben can feel wetness gather in his eyes and his breath grows ragged.

“Shit, Solo. You never told me any of  _ that _ before.”

“Sorry.” he shakes his head as if trying to reset his brain and forget the conversation. “Didn’t mean to indulge you in pillow talk about my deranged childhood.” He slides out of the bed and heads over to his dresser, pulling out a pair of black sweatpants and a plain white shirt. 

“I don’t mind. You needed to get it off of your chest. I understand. I think it’s a good idea for Armitage to be there with you. And afterwards, if you’re still scared about Snoke… taking it out on you, you can always get a restraining order.”

“Yeah, that’s what Armie suggested.”

Kaydel looks down at her hands, hesitant about saying what’s on her mind. She eventually gives in. “You know,” she starts. “I’m always here if you need me, right? I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this. I know you have Hux, but you have me too. We’re not just fuck buddies. You’re my best friend.”

Ben looks at her, features soft as he slips into his sweatpants and pulls his shirt over his head. He walks over to Kaydel, leans down, and places a delicate kiss on her forehead. “Thank you.” he whispers against her soft skin.

There is a moment of silence. Not awkward silence, but one filled with undeniable love and appreciation.

“Can I make you anything to eat?” Ben finally says. “It’s…” he glances at the clock hanging on his wall. “... 2:30. I haven’t had breakfast yet, and I make some killer pancakes. Care to indulge in a little brunch with me?”

Kaydel smiles up at him. “You know I’m always up for your cooking.”

\---

After Ben watched in amusement as Kaydel stuffed her face with syrup-doused pancakes, he bid her adieu with a gentle kiss on the cheek and a hug.

“Call me anytime and keep me updated.” She had told him before she walked out the door. “Not just about Snoke, but about that cute little nun too.”

Ben scoffed at this. “I’ll see you later. Drive safe.”

Now, Ben sits on his couch. He had turned the TV on but is paying no attention to it whatsoever. It’s some period romance movie that has the chick from Pirates of the Carribean in it; something Ben would never dream of watching, but he’s not watching it, is he? No. He’s inside his head, reflecting the day he had so far. All the events that had transpired. He looks like an empty shell sitting on his couch like this. Not moving, staring off into space, his breathing hardly detectable.

What the fuck was he going to do? As much as he would love the support, he can’t rope Kaydel into his drama with Snoke. For fuck’s sake, Snoke doesn’t even know that she exists, much less what they do in their free time. He could invite Hux and Snoke over at the same time, that way Snoke won’t do any harm to Ben. But that won’t stop him from tracking his ass down and showing him who’s the boss. Although he doesn’t like all of the complicated legal stuff, even though he works at a law firm, a restraining order might be the end result of this situation.

And on top of this whole Snoke drama, Ben still can’t manage to get that nun, Rey, out of his mind. The kinky, hot sex with Kaydel had managed to distract him, but not for long because he found his train of thought derailing and going back to  _ her _ . The angel in the parking lot. The forbidden fruit. If he’s not wasting his time with church and pretending to be someone he’s not, he’s pining after a woman he can never have. How typical of him.

Ben takes a long, deep breath and holds it for a couple seconds before he exhales loudly, combing his hands through his hair and leaving them there as he slouches and bows his head, closing his eyes.

“Okay.” He mutters to himself. “Okay, okay, okay. What am I going to do?” 

He hums, eyes still closed, leg now jumping nervously. His thoughts are bouncing around in his head; possible scenarios, things he could say to Snoke that won’t set him off, when he can talk to Armitage next.

_ Rummage sale is tomorrow. _ He thinks to himself.  _ Armie will be there until it’s over. I can stop by his office and ask if he’s still up for coming with me to go see Snoke. Most likely he will be, and hopefully he can give me some advice on how to approach the situation calmly and carefully.  _

_ There. That’s one hassle dealt with. As for Rey... _ Ben’s heart flutters at the thought of her. 

_ You. Have. To. Get. Yourself. Under. Control. Stop thinking of her. It shouldn’t be this hard, dude. Just stop. She’s off limits! It’s never gonna happen! I’m gonna sleep on everything tonight and see how I feel in the morning.  _ Ben looks at the clock and sighs disappointedly.

It’s only 4:00. What to do in the meantime…

He decides on reading. It’s a good way to escape the world around you and to distract you from your thoughts. For Ben, reading has always been his go-to if he didn’t want to deal with real life… which was pretty often. He has a decent sized bookshelf in his room that houses all of the books that he collected over the many torturous years with Snoke. He gets up off of his couch and makes his way to that shelf, fingers gliding over the spines of all the books once he reaches it. There has to be almost a hundred of them; the shelf reaches almost all the way to his ceiling and is mostly full.

With his eyes following his fingers as they drift over hardcovers and paperbacks, he already feels a bit calmer. All of these different worlds on one shelf. So many options. So many places to escape to. If only he could  _ actually _ open a book and jump inside the pages, magically transporting himself someplace peaceful where he is surrounded by vividly green trees that encircle a field of beautiful blue flowers. Or maybe he’d like the mountains better. Two large ones standing sturdy on either side of a shimmering river. The cool, mountainous breeze blowing in his face, taking in deep breaths of the clear air.

As he snaps out of his daydreaming, Ben settles for a book called  _ War & Love & Stars _ . It’s a classic that he has loved since he was a teenager that takes place in another galaxy. It’s about a rebellion leader, Kira, and the emperor of the Final Empire, Kylo. They become sworn enemies after their violent encounter on the planet Lye-Or. Let’s just say it ended with Kira leaving Kylo with a huge scar (both literally and figuratively). After that, Kira and Kylo become connected somehow; seeing visions of each other in dreams. At first, the visions weren’t very pleasant, but as days turned into weeks, they had learned a great deal about each other. It was the classic enemies to lovers trope that is Ben’s guilty pleasure. In the end, Kylo turns over to the side of the rebels and helps Kira destroy the Final Empire once and for all. It’s a great mix of action, angst, and romance that will help occupy Ben’s mind for a good couple of hours.

\---

Ben had woken up in a sweat with his book laying on his heaving chest. He must have fallen asleep while he was reading. That was his mistake for deciding to read in bed. Although the book had done its job to distract him, Ben’s mind was far from free of frightening memories and anxiety induced thoughts. They had come to the surface while he slept, appearing to him in the form of dreams… nightmares. It was Snoke. It was always about Snoke. This time, in his dream, Ben had decided to face Snoke alone without Hux. When he eventually spat out the truth, Snoke stormed down on him with a heavy rain of punches to the face and kicks to the stomach as he curled up on the cold concrete floor of his childhood basement. He choked on the hot, thick, salty blood that was surfacing in his throat, spitting it out on the floor as he coughed and gagged on it. The pain in his right eye, where Snoke’s ring had cut skin over and over again, nowhere met the pain that he felt in his abdomen. Every kick to his stomach sent a new wave pain throughout Ben’s body, each more excruciating than the last. He felt himself struggling for breath as Snoke’s booted foot missed his stomach and landed directly into his lungs. More blood spilled out of his mouth as he screamed for him to stop and tried to get up, only to find himself chained down to the bolts in the floor.

More screaming for help followed by more kicking and punching. It felt like it went on forever. Until Snoke started to unbuckle his hard, leather belt. That’s when Ben finally woke up, struggling for air, sweat rolling down his face and soaking his clothes, seeping through his sheets.

It was the most vivid nightmare he had ever had. He remembered  _ every _ detail. And the  _ pain _ . It’s like he actually felt the pain. Maybe because he did. This dream… this nightmare that he had… was based off of real memories. It was the worst beating that Ben had ever gotten from Snoke. It was when he was around 16 years old. Snoke had come home from the bar, raging drunk. He wasn’t the type of person you wanted to be around when he was drunk. Ben can’t even remember what he did or said to piss Snoke off so badly. All he remembers is the pain, being scared shitless, and running (more like  _ limping _ ) over to Poe’s house next door to get help after Snoke let him out of the cold chains that he had wrapped tightly around his wrists. Poe’s family took him to the hospital where he stayed for a while, being treated for internal bleeding in his stomach and a broken rib. Of course, Ben made a cover story saying he was jumped by a group of guys. He never knew why he did that. Why he didn’t tell the doctors about the never ending abuse he was experiencing at home. He could have been free.

It wasn’t the first time he had a nightmare about Snoke’s abuse. This was actually a regular occurrence. But it had never been this bad before. He guesses that it’s just the current events that are setting him on edge. Ben looks at his phone sitting on his nightstand, trying to wipe the dream and all of his regrets out of his mind, his heart still beating as fast as a jackhammer. It was 10am.

He decides to get out of bed and take a shower because, without smelling himself, he already knows that he smells god awful. Stripping his bed of his sweat drenched sheets and throwing them in the hamper in the corner of his room, he heads down the hall into the bathroom and basically has to peel off his shirt from how sweaty he is.

It was a slow shower. He had spent most of the time sitting on the floor and staring at the water circling down the drain, mind finally blank. Devoid of thoughts. Last night had officially drained him. As the water starts gradually growing cold, he reluctantly decides to turn off the shower and then robotically dries himself off. Glancing at the clock in the hallway as he walks out of his bathroom and back to his bedroom, he isn’t surprised to find that he had sat in his shower for two hours. He’ll curse himself later when he takes a look at his water bill.

The rummage sale starts at 1 o’clock, so Ben has a good hour to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, and then head out the door to go  _ back _ to the church to talk to Hux.

Since he doesn’t have much of an appetite right now, Ben decides that he can manage to get down some toast with peanut butter. It takes him longer than usual to eat, with his two to three minute breaks of staring off into spacing and gathering the courage to take another bite. Last night really did take a toll on him. Around 12:45, he finally finishes his toast and he gets up to head to the bathroom, dropping his plate in the kitchen sink with a  _ clank _ on the way. 

It’s the first time this morning that he actually gets a good look at himself in the mirror above his bathroom sink. He looks… tired. Worn. There are dark circles and bags under his brown eyes. The whites of his eyes are streaked with thin red veins. His hair is still a bit wet, but he doesn’t bother styling it. He already looks bad, so why try to make things better when your efforts obviously won’t work?

He lazily brushes his teeth and then heads back into his room to slip on his black converse. Since he would most likely only be seeing Hux today and has nobody to impress, he settles for a light jean blue button down shirt and a pair of black jeans that outlines his legs very nicely. Matched with his Chuck Taylor’s, it’s casual all around.

Around 1 o’clock, he heads out his door, nervously drumming his fingers on his leg the rest of the way to the church.

\---

Ben is too distracted by his own thoughts to even notice his surroundings. His head bowed, eyes glued to the floor, and then… a tiny little thing slams right into him, squealing as she does so. His hands immediately fall to her waist, so as to not let her fall back.

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” He apologies, hands still wrapped around her tiny waist. As he looks down, he swears he can feel his heart stop and he retracts his hands, taking a step back and giving  _ her _ some space. The nun from the parking lot.  _ Rey. _

What was she doing here? Was she just walking out of Hux’s office?

Rey looks just as shocked as he does, gazing at his face with wide eyes. Did she recognize him? Does she remember him from the parking lot?  _ Great. _ Ben thinks to himself.  _ She probably thinks that our interaction in the parking lot was creepy and now I've come to stalk her. _

“It’s fine.” Rey says in a light, sweet voice. Wait… was that an  _ accent? _ A  _ British _ accent? 

Ben stands there reveling in the fact that this woman, who he thought couldn’t get anymore perfect, now has an accent. Things just got a whole lot harder. They’re standing in awkward silence, but Ben doesn’t notice right away because he’s too busy looking at her up close for the first time. She has freckles scattered all over her face, and Ben has the sudden urge to bend down and trace each one with his lips.

_ Dear God, why do you do this to me?! _

After realizing that they both had been staring at each other for an awkward amount of time, he finally decides to speak up. “Well I’m headed this way.” he points to Hux’s door.

Rey still looks surprised. Like she’s in shock. Her honey eyes even more prominent in the bright lighting of the church basement. 

“Oh… yeah. Okay.” she says in the heart stoppingly gorgeous voice. Was that disappointment riddled in her tone?

_ You’re just reading into things. _ Ben apologizes for bumping into her again, trying to get her talk more so he can start memorizing her voice… for no specific purpose, of course.

“No worries, it was my fault. I should have looked where I was going.” She says in almost one breath.

Ben wants to laugh, but if she’s nervous now, he doesn’t want to make her more nervous thinking that he’s laughing at her. He would be, but only because she was just so fucking adorable.

As Ben turns to open Hux’s office door, Rey blurts out something that catches him off guard. “I’m Rey.”

He turns back to her to find that her cheeks have flushed a little bit. A slight rosy color that is driving Ben insane. Was she embarrassed? Had he done something to make her uncomfortable? If he did, then she wouldn’t take extra time to introduce herself.

“Ben… I’m Ben.”

Why did he say his name twice? He could have just said “I’m Ben” like a normal person. Not a whole “Bond… James Bond” kind of moment. 

_ Stupid fucking idiot _ . He curses at himself.

But the most unexpected thing happens. Rey  _ smiles _ at him. Ben could have dropped to his knees and pledged himself to her at that moment, because that smile… her dimples… the way her face slightly lit up… He barely knows her, but he feels like he would do anything for her.

As she turns to walk away, Ben quickly opens Hux’s door without knocking and sits down as fast as he can, scared that he might actually fall over if he stays standing for two more seconds. Too much stuff has happened today already.

“Well hello there.” Hux says surprised.

“Armie… What was Rey doing here?” Ben asks warrily.

“Rey? Oh… um… she had a question about the rummage sale. She’s volunteering today.”

Ben shrugs. “Okay. That wasn’t your worst lie.” he straightens himself up. “Speaking of… the place looks  _ great _ for just being on fire.”

“Oh, shut up. What do you want?”

Right. Ben is there to talk. Not ask questions about Rey and why Hux is hiding things from him. “So, I slept on everything we discussed yesterday. Not very well, but…”

“What do you mean not very well?” Hux cuts him off.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Ben waves a hand in the air as if dismissing what he just said.

“Are you still having nightmares?”

He hesitates and then sighs. “It’s not like they’re going to go away overnight… But last night was the worst one yet. I don’t really want to talk about it. It kinda fucked me up. I think it’s just the stress of everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours.”

“You do look a bit disheveled.” Hux says looking him up and down.

“Thanks, Armie. I really appreciate that.” Ben’s voice is dripping in sarcasm.

“It’s what I’m here for. Now… what did you decide?” Hux leans forward and laces his fingers together on his dark wooden desk.

“I’ve decided that I’m going to tell Snoke, but I’m gonna need you there. I think that it’s best that we meet somewhere public with a lot of people around, so that lowers the risk even more of him coming at me.”

“I think that’s a great idea. Maybe we can go to that coffee shop down the street. Supreme Caffeine, I think it’s called.”

“That’s fine. What am I going to tell him though? It’s not often that I call him up and ask to get coffee. Actually, I don’t think I’ve  _ ever _ done anything like that. He’ll be suspicious.”

“I’ll ask him if you want me to. I won’t mention you, either. Maybe it’ll be better to catch him off guard.”

Ben threads his fingers through his uncombed hair. “Yeah… good thinking.”

There’s a couple seconds of silence. Hux is looking at Ben, concern plastered on his pale face. Ben is looking at the floor, fiddling with his shirt sleeve. The dark hollow under his eyes seem more prominent now than they were when he first walked in.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Hux asks.

_ No _ . Ben thinks.

Instead, he weakly smiles up at his friend and says, “I’m fine.”

“Rey comes to talk to me sometimes.” Hux says out of nowhere, and it immediately catches Ben’s attention. “I’ve known her since before she was a nun. She used to live next to me with her foster parents, and she would come over sometimes when her foster father was drunk and her foster mother wasn’t around to defend her.”

Ben can feel his heart sink at this new information. It sounds like her situation was similar to his. Maybe not as violent, but similar at least. He felt empathy.

“How come I didn’t know about this? We basically grew up together. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her around.” Ben asks.

“I’m sure you have. You may not have paid much attention to her, though, because she’s five years younger than us. So, when we were fifteen, she would have been ten. I think it’d be weird for a fifteen year old boy to pay an adequate amount of attention to a ten year old girl.”

Ben nods and agrees, thinking of how weird it is that their paths may have crossed when they were younger.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” Hux says. “You’ve been so truthful to me about everything in your life, I just wanted to keep the confidentiality.”

“No, it’s fine. I get it.”

“Alright.” Hux sighs. “Well, I’ll talk to Snoke and get a time that we can meet that will work best for him. I’ll text it to you later.”

Ben’s lips form a thin line as he nods at Hux and starts to get up. “Thanks again. I don’t like putting all of my problems on you, but you’re like my brother. And I don’t want to get Kaydel into all of this. I’d rather Snoke be oblivious to her existence.”

“I totally get it. And I don’t mind, really. Although after dealing with you and Rey,” Hux chuckles as he stands up too. “I feel like I should be a certified counselor.”

“You’d be pretty good at it. Something to consider.”

“Oh, don’t try to pull me over to your side, Solo. I still have my faith.”

“Alright, alright.” Ben huffs. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yes, you will. Don’t get yourself all worked up again. It’ll be fine.”

“Thanks Armie.”

\---

Rey found Armitage’s car with no problem. He is parked in front of the sign that’s labeled “Priest”. She’s actually surprised that she was paying enough attention to unlock the car, put the keys in the ignition, buckle herself in, and drive off because… she can still feel the warmth of his large hands gripping her waist. It wasn’t a hard grip, but hard enough to keep her upright. And it wasn’t just the warmth from his hands that she couldn’t shake, it was the warmth from his entire body that engulfed her just minutes ago. She wonders if he would give off that same heat at night when he would spoon her to sleep, one arm wrapped around her torso, the other gently combing through her hair. 

What had really caught her off guard was his baritone voice. Deep and gruff, while also quite soothing to listen to. Rey could listen to him read the entire Webster Dictionary and still cling to his every word. She has to press her thighs together to ease the pressure that is slowly growing from the memory of his voice  _ alone _ . Add on his massive hands, his heavenly smell, and those plump lips of his, and Rey is wet without a doubt. In her priest’s car on top of it. She groans at the obscenity of the whole situation. She needs to get somewhere private where she can…  _ relieve _ the pressure. She knows it’s sinful, and therefore she hasn’t done it in years, but because of that reason, along with the fact that she was just pressed up against the man of her dreams with  _ his hands on her waist _ , she knows she won’t last long. Plus, it would be a good way to kick off her break from being a nun.

Rey slams on the breaks as she realizes she’s approaching a stop sign. Daydreaming is probably not a good idea when one is driving.

As she pulls into the parking lot of the St. Marcheur du Ciel Abbey, she decides to park near the back, so as to not be spotted by any wandering nuns. All of the novitiates are at the church, so she’ll have the dorms to herself… To pack without being noticed, of course. Rey isn’t planning on doing anything else, but pack her things and get out of there and back to the church as soon as possible.

Once she reaches her room, she closes the door and locks it just to be safe. She practically yanks off her veil, happy she won’t have to wear it for a full week. It can be itchy at times and  _ very _ hot in the summer heat. While retrieving a duffle bag from the top of her closet, she realizes she doesn’t have many clothes that would be considered normal. Just a few pairs of jeans (not the skinny type) and a couple of plain long and short sleeved shirts. She hopes Armitage is up for a shopping trip because, if she’s going to have a normal life for a week, she’ll need some better clothing to do so.

Rey is packed in no time, all of her things fitting nicely in the black Ralph Lauren duffle bag. She didn’t own a lot because nuns are supposed to live a modest life. It makes her sad sometimes, but it’s the life that she’s used to. She never had a lot of things before becoming a nun, anyway. Living in the foster system and everything.

The abbey is dead quiet, it’s almost eerie. Rey has never been here by herself before. Abbess Holdo is off for the day, the novitiates are at the church, and the nuns are out doing their nunley duties. Which leaves Rey here. All alone. Nothing to distract her save for that rich, sexy voice that has been stuck in her head since she hurriedly walked out of the church. She inhales and exhales deeply, double checking that the door is locked. Muttering a “God forgive me”, she lies down on her creaky bed and pulls up her dress, slipping her hand beneath the thin fabric of her tights, and, eventually, her cotton panties.

Quickly, she finds out that she doesn’t need to tease herself because she is already still quite wet from the interaction with  _ Ben.  _ An interaction that by no means should have gotten her turned on. But, then again, she hasn’t had an actual orgasm since before she became a nun.

Her fingers wander toward the sensitive bundle of her clit and her breath hitches as she starts to rub in circles. Rey lets her eyes flutter shut as she starts to fantasize about Ben’s fingers working her so well. How he would feel if he layed on top of her. How his lips would be so soft against her skin while he kisses a trail from her mouth to her jaw to that sensitive spot right under her ear. His tongue would slide down her neck followed by little love bites that would send shivers down her spine to her core. All of this while his fingers would abandon her clit, slide between her wet folds, and settle at her entrance.

Would Ben be gentle with her and start off with one finger? Rey imagines that one would be just enough, given the relative size of his hands. But for her, that would mean  _ she _ would have to use two fingers to get that effect. As she slides her fingers into herself, her back arches off of the mattress and she lets out a quiet moan. She forgot how good this could feel.

As she starts to move her fingers, she retrieves the memory of his voice from her mind and imagines what he would sound like saying “Good girl.” or “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

Rey’s fingers pump into her, sending new waves of sensation throughout her body. In her mind, Ben is kissing his way down her stomach; little pecks followed by a swish of his tongue. He then puts those deliciously thick lips to good use as he wraps them around her clit and sucks. Rey spazzes at this, clutching her sheets with her other hand. Her hips begin to move, trying to get  _ Ben’s _ fingers deeper inside her.  _ He  _ curls them upwards and she gasps in pleasure.

_ Come for me. _ Ben says in her mind.  _ Come on mouth so I can lick up every last bit of you. I want to feel you come undone around my fingers while I suck your clit until you beg me to stop. _

Honestly, Rey would never imagine getting off to that type of talk, but Ben has something about him that makes her go wild.

_ His _ fingers work faster while his lips suck harder at her clit, ready for her to release. 

_ Come for me, Baby. Come for me, Kitten. _ And just like that, a tidal wave hits Rey, reaching all over her body. She stifles a scream while her orgasm takes her to places long forgotten.  _ Ben  _ sucks and licks her oversensitive clit until she can’t take it anymore and is twitching from the aftershocks.

Rey opens her eyes, finding herself once again alone. This is going to be a very difficult week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux deserves a "Priest of the Year" award for putting up with these two dumbasses.
> 
> (PS: sorry this story is mostly set-up so far. I promise things will pick up in the next two chapters!)
> 
> Come check out my instagram for updates on my fics and fun posts: @adamdriveruniverse


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She clears her throat and focuses her attention back onto a fidgety Armitage. “So… childhood friends. That’s a bit odd, don’t you think?”
> 
> “Odd how?”
> 
> “Well, the guy that I decide to temporarily hang up my veil for just so happens to be your best friend. The one that I admitted to having embarrassing, sinful thoughts about. It’s just… odd.”
> 
> “It is quite the coincidence. Small world, I guess.”
> 
> _Yeah, small world. Or maybe it was just meant to be._ Rey sighs slightly at the cheesy thought her brain conjures up. _God does work in mysterious ways._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 1.5k hits! I cannot believe this fic has come so far! Things are gonna start picking up after this chapter, so stick around!

Ben is thankfully gone by the time Rey gets back to Armitage's office. She doesn’t think that she could face him after her…  _ session _ .

“So how was it?” Armitage asks, immediately catching Rey’s attention. Her heart stutters and a heat rises in her cheeks. Did he somehow know what she did? 

_ No, that’s ridiculous. Impossible, even. _ She consoles herself.

“Huh?” Rey manages to croak out.

“The packing… Did you get everything? Did anyone see you?”

“Oh.” Rey snaps back to reality, exhaling a relieved breath. “Um… yeah I got everything. Didn’t have much anyway. It was a tad tricky to find out where they kept our phones, but I found the box in Abbess Holdo’s office. I was a little unsettled to find that the Abbess doesn’t lock her office when she’s not in there, though.”

“Trust is key, I guess.” Armitage chuckles.

There is a bit of a pause before Rey speaks again. Her mind is still trying to adjust back to the real world. “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I might have to get some more civilized clothes. I don’t have many, especially ones that are suitable for the summer heat.”

“Oh yeah. I totally understand. I can give you my card and you can go pick out whatever you want.”

“Are you sure? I feel like you’ve already done so much for me. I don’t know how I would feel spending your money.”

Armitage holds up a reassuring hand. “Rey, it’s fine. Really. I have more than enough money put away into savings. I wouldn’t have offered for you to stay with me if I knew I couldn’t afford it.”

Still feeling a bit guilty, Rey nods her head and says a quiet  _ thank you _ . She definitely owes Armitage big time.

“By the way…” Rey says hesitantly. “Not that it’s any of my business or anything, but what was Ben doing here?”

Armitage’s eyes widen a bit. “Ben?” he chokes out.

“Yeah. I ran into him just outside your door. He’s the guy from the parking lot. Do you know him?”

“Oh, yeah. Ben is an old childhood friend of mine. He’s… the guy from the parking lot?” his tone is a bit off and Rey wonders if he may know more than he’s letting on.

“Yes. Did he mention me?” Rey leans forward in her seat, intrigued by Armitage’s sudden change in demeanor. Like he’s nervous… or trying to cover something up.

“N-no.” he stammers. “Not that I remember.”

Not wanting to push him further, Rey decides to lean back in her chair, a confident, sly smile spread across her face. She knows he’s lying. Armitage Hux has been, and forever will be, a  _ terrible _ liar. Glee fills her chest and she can feel her heart flutter at the thought of Ben asking Armitage who she was. Was he interested in her? Did he think she was pretty?

_ Of course he doesn’t. _ She tells herself.  _ Nuns are an immediate turn off for guys… right? _

She clears her throat and focuses her attention back onto a fidgety Armitage. “So… childhood friends. That’s a bit odd, don’t you think?”

“Odd how?”

“Well, the guy that I decide to temporarily hang up my veil for just so happens to be your best friend. The one that I admitted to having embarrassing, sinful thoughts about. It’s just… odd.”

“It is quite the coincidence. Small world, I guess.”

_ Yeah, small world. Or maybe it was just meant to be.  _ Rey sighs slightly at the cheesy thought her brain conjures up.  _ God does work in mysterious ways. _

The next couple of hours in Armitage’s office hadn’t been as boring as Rey thought they would be. She spent most of the time on her phone, discovering the wonderful world of Twitter and Instagram. She quickly learned that Twitter was the place people went to complain and “thirst” (a new term she learned) over celebrities, and Instagram was the place people went to be fake. Instagram models can’t be  _ that _ happy and confident all the time… can they? 

Armitage indulged in a bit of small talk with her in between his piles of paperwork. Questions like, how does she feel about this situation? Is she excited? What kinds of things is she going to explore? And so on.

Before they knew it, three o’clock ran around the corner and they were off to Armitage’s place.

“So, I’m sorry to do this to you so early in your  _ vacation _ ,” Armitage says as they cruise down the road in his jet black ford focus. “but I have a… meeting tomorrow, so you’ll be at the house by yourself for a bit.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me. I guess I could use that time to go shopping.”

“Are you sure you want to go by yourself?”

“I’ll be fine. Unless the mall is a long walk from your house. Then I should probably wait for you.”

“Oh, I have another car you can use.” 

“You have  _ another _ car?” Rey says in disbelief. She doesn’t know many single people with more than one car.

“Well, this priest gig pays pretty nicely. And, like I said, I’ve been putting money into savings ever since I was old enough to work. I’m not as broke as everybody thinks I am.” 

They both laugh as Armitage turns the corner into a nice neighborhood made of fancy ranch style homes and houses that could almost pass as mansions. Armitage’s place is one of the fancy ranch style homes. It’s very long with a mix of triangular and rectangular roof styles. Built out of cobblestone and tan siding, the windows have maroon panels that match the front door. The lawn is perfectly green and freshly mowed and the driveway leads around to the back where the garage is. A garage large enough to fit three cars. Rey will definitely enjoy her stay here.

Armitage leads her to his guest room, hauling her duffle bag on his shoulder. They pass through the living room that has a very tall ceiling, a tan sectional, and a 60 inch TV perched on the wall just above a magnificent stone fireplace. Turning down the hallway to the right of the living room, Rey is led into a decent sized bedroom. A queen sized bed, made up of white fluffy pillows and a soft baby blue comforter, is situated in the middle of the wall to her left. A shiny brown dresser sits just across from it and there is a walk-in closet in the far right corner of the room.

“Will this room be okay?” Armitage asks as he sets Rey’s bag on the bed.

“It’s perfect.” She says as she slides her hand across the comforter, feeling the freshly cleaned softness of it. “Much better than the rooms they provide for us at the abbey.”

“Great. Well, I’m right down the hall and there is an en suite guest bathroom right through there.” he motions toward a door next to the bed.

Rey nods, but it doesn’t mask the pure, unexpected excitement she’s feeling right now. Growing up in a foster home and then moving into the abbey right after that, she never had her own room, much less her own  _ bathroom _ . 

“Do you need any help unpacking?”

“Um… no, I think I can handle it. Thank you, though.” Rey smiles at him.

“Alright, well I have some hangers in the closet if you want to hang any of your clothes. I’m going to be in my office just across the hall here if you need me. I have a… call to make.”

Rey nods again and sits down on the bed as Armitage makes his way across the hall, closing his office door behind him.

\---

“Hello, is this Snoke?” Hux asks, fully knowing that the deep, gruff voice that answered was indeed the most dreadful human he has ever crossed paths with.

“Yes, who is this?”

“Good evening, Sir. This is Father Hux from…”

“From church. Of course.” the man sounds a bit more delighted. “What gives me the honor of your phone call?”

“Well I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up for coffee tomorrow? I’m sorry for such a short notice, but I just… wanted to discuss some things about the church. And I would love your input since you are such a valued and involved member.” Hux begins to think that he’s actually getting pretty good at this whole lying thing. Something he should not be proud of.

“That sounds wonderful.” Snoke says happily.

“Great. How does twelve o’clock at Supreme Caffeine sound?”

“Sounds just fine.”

“Wonderful! I’ll see you there. Have a blessed day.”

“Thank you, Father. You too.”

Hux sighs as he hangs up the phone. It’s amazing how sweet and delightful a person can sound. Especially when that person is one of the worst of their kind. He slides his hand down his face as he opens his text messages. He is definitely taking a nice, long vacation after this week.

- _ 12:00 tomorrow at Supreme Caffeine. Meet you there.  _ He types out.

Not ten seconds later, Ben texts him back.

- **BEN:** _Great. Thanks man._

\---

Ben had decided to carpool with Hux to the coffee shop. He didn’t want to risk Snoke getting there early for some odd reason, and then him showing up without Hux there. Ben doesn't want to be there alone when Snoke finds out that they are basically ambushing him.

Once they get to the coffee shop, Ben hesitates and sits in the car for a couple seconds longer than normal. Blowing out a puff of air and running his fingers through his hair (something he notices he does very often), he gets out of the car and walks up to the shop, Hux by his side. As they enter, they are immediately hit in the face with the rich smell of freshly brewed, overpriced coffee. It’s a very hipsterish place. The walls are made of brick and there are plants of all types and sizes hanging from the black pipes on the ceiling, situated in corners, being used as centerpieces on tables, etc.

_ Millennials sure do love their plants _ . Is the first thought that crosses Ben’s mind as he scans the room. The second thought is realizing that Snoke isn’t there yet. To be fair, it’s 11:55, and Snoke is never early nor late. He’s always precisely on time. That means that Ben has a good five minutes to mentally prepare himself more so than he already has. The two of them walk across the concrete floor to the back of the shop and make themselves comfortable at a square wooden table accompanied by black metal chairs that screech loudly across the floor when Ben and Hux sit down.

“You okay?” Hux asks with his brow furrowed.

Ben looks at him with a barely-there smile and nods. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I just… didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“Nightmares?”

Ben doesn’t respond. He just looks down at the table and traces the grain in the wood with his finger. Hux is right, though. Dammit, why is it that Hux can always see right through him?

“I just want them to stop.” Ben whispers so softly that it’s barely audible.

“I can’t say that they will for sure, but maybe you’ll find solace after talking with Snoke.”

“I won’t find solace until I see the restraining order finalized.”

“So you’re going to go that route?”

“Yup. I’m gonna to talk to Poe tomorrow to see if he can help me out with it.”

Just then, the bell above the door jingles, which causes Ben to jump and whip his head in it’s direction. The pale, aging figure of Snoke strides inside the shop wearing a midnight black blazer with a blood red button down shirt and black pants. He stops for a couple seconds, scanning the room… until his haunting gray eyes settle on Ben. A rollercoaster of facial expressions appears on his face in the matter of seconds. Confusion, anger, and then tranquility and professionalism as his eyes drift to Hux sitting just across from Ben. He makes his way to their table and takes a seat.

“Father Hux.” he says while shaking Hux’s hand.

His head slowly turns to Ben. “Son.” he nods and Ben nods back, trying to put as much distance between himself and Snoke as stealthily as he can.

Snoke removes his tweed ivy cap, revealing his bald head that is home to a relatively large scar. A scar that Ben had given him in an act of self defense the night of the beating in the basement. The night that have haunted his dreams for the past two nights.

Placing his cap on the table, he looks back to Hux. “This isn’t about the church is it?”

Ben answers before Hux can. “Well I wouldn’t say that.” he chuckles nervously.

Snoke shoots him a surprised and irritated look and Ben can hear his voice faintly in his own head.  _ You will only speak when you are spoken to _ . Ben’s eyes shoot down to the table. God he feels like such a child still scared of this old man. Taking a deep breath, he tells himself that Snoke can’t hurt him anymore. He could try, but he’d get his ass thrown in jail. Maybe that would be best. To get him worked up so he would beat him, and then Snoke would be in prison and Ben wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. No. That’s not how this was going to go. They are going to have a nice, calm conversation with no violence and no raised voices. No one is getting hurt today or ever again.

Gathering up some courage and giving himself an internal pep talk, Ben is finally able to muster up some words. “I wanted to confess something to you.”

Snoke studies him. "Alright. And what does Father Hux have to do with this?”

Ben glances at Hux sitting calmly across from him. “Support… I guess?”

Snoke’s face is indecipherable, and Ben shoots Hux another look. Hux can tell just from Ben’s pleading eyes that he’s dwindling and needs help.

“With all due respect, Sir,” Hux says. “I am merely here because your son and I share a brotherly bond. He just felt more comfortable having someone here with him.”

Snoke’s expression relaxes just a bit and he turns his full attention to Ben. “I’m listening.”

Ben’s heart feels like it might explode out of his chest. He can feel its heavy beat in his ears and he’s scared that if he looks down, he’ll see it beating through his plain black shirt like in those cartoons. Inhaling a deep breath so as to slow his heart rate, he tries to remember all of the speeches that he had rehearsed in his head the night before, but he’s coming up blank. His nerves have gotten the best of him. Mind completely empty now, he quickly blurts out the first thing that manages to roll off of his tongue.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” he says in one breath, heat rising in his cheeks.

Snoke’s pale blonde brow knits. “Don’t want to do what?”

Finally, Ben gets the strength to look into his abuser’s eyes and tell him the truth.  _ He can’t hurt you. You’re fine. You’re safe. You’re in public. Armie is here. Snoke wouldn’t risk it. He. Can’t. Hurt. You. _ The words he tells himself comfort him just a bit and he straightens himself up, lifting his chin in his new-found confidence that he  _ can  _ and  _ will _ get through this. Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

“I’m an Atheist.” Ben says forthright. To the point. Just like ripping off a band-aid.

To everyone else, Snoke may look merely surprised by this news. But to Ben- someone who has studied this man day in and day out, who has become an expert at analyzing Snoke’s body language- he can see that Snoke is way past furious, heading straight toward outraged. He can tell by the way his jaw clenches so microscopically that anyone who wasn’t looking for it wouldn’t see it. By the way his dead eyes come to life so suddenly, yet so inconspicuously. His eyebrows that are barely visible go from tightly furrowed in confusion to loosely knitted in anger. The corners of his mouth sag a bit and his hands clench into fists in his lap. It’s like these changes in his body are making themselves visible  _ only _ to Ben. Like a silent warning.

Chills roll down Ben’s spine as Snoke gives him a look.  _ That _ look. The look he gave him when he was a child right before he would lay down his wrath in a series of whips, kicks, and punches. Ben has the sudden need to retreat back to his childhood behavior and find a closet to hide in.

Through slightly gritted teeth, Snoke finally speaks, his voice deeper and more intimidating. “We will talk more about this later.”

Snoke starts to get up and Ben looks at Hux, fear twinkling in his eyes, silently asking him what to do. Hux motions his head toward Snoke, non verbally telling him to say something.

“I-I’d rather talk about it now.” Ben stutters, voice cracking.

Snoke’s eyes drill into his and Ben flinches out of instinct as he bends over, bringing his head level to Ben’s and snarls, “I said we’ll talk about it later”

Snoke collects himself, straightening back up, putting on his cap, and rolling his shoulders under his blazer. “Nice to see you, Father Hux.” he nods.

Hux nods back, astonishment spreading over his face. 

Ben stays completely still, eyes wide and breath staggering until Snoke tensely walks out of the coffee shop. Then he breaks, dropping his head on the table with a _smack_ and tangling his fingers in his hair, pulling slightly on his raven locks. He’s on the verge of hyperventilating and Hux quickly gets up and squats next to Ben, placing his hand on his back.

“What’s wrong? I don’t think it went as bad as you thought it would.”

“He’s pissed.” Ben says through breaths. “You couldn’t see it, but I have made it my life’s mission to study that man. To pick up on signals in his body language that told me not to mess with him. That told me he was in one of his moods. It’s undetectable to everyone but me…” Ben picks his head up and runs his hands down his face. “Armie… I don’t feel safe. He left things unresolved. What if he comes to my apartment?”

“He won’t” Hux reassures him.

“How do you know?” Ben looks at him and hesitates. “D’you think… I could stay with you? Just until I get the restraining order finalized?”

Panic crosses Hux’s face and Ben catches it before he can resume his calming expression. “It’s just… not a good time. I already have a… family friend staying with me.”

“It’s fine. You have a pull out couch in your home office, right? I can sleep on that.  _ Please. _ ”

“What about Kaydel?” Hux asks, getting up from his crouching position and going back to sit in his chair. “Can’t you stay with her?”

Ben mulls this over. “I mean… I guess I could. It’s just that I really only associate her with one thing… sex. And, as much as I’d love a sex-filled week, I don’t think I should. Plus, like I said, I don’t want to get her roped into all of this.”

Hux sighs and rests his face in his hands. “Why do I alway let you get me involved in all of your problems? I don’t think it’s healthy.”

“You’re just lucky to find someone as problematic as me, I guess.”

“Fine. You can stay with me. But you have to pitch in for groceries. I may have enough money now, but with the way you and my… family friend… eats, you’ll clean me out of the house by the end of the day.”

Ben chuckles and feels a small weight lifting off his shoulders, but it doesn’t make a difference when what’s left still weighs a ton.

\---

Hux had taken Ben back to his apartment and helped him pack some things. He didn’t expect Ben to stay long, so they just got the essentials: clothes, hygiene products,  _ hair _ products. Hux gave Ben a teasing grin as he quickly packed those and Ben ignored him. Did he really think that his hair was effortlessly  _ this _ flowy?

Now, as they pull into Hux’s garage, Ben notices that one of his cars is gone. “Hey, where’s your Bmw?”

“Oh, my friend must still be out. I think she’s going shopping for some new clothes.”

“Is she coming in from out of town?”

Hux huffs. “Not necessarily.”

Ben’s face scrunches in confusion as they get out of the car and head into the house. He sets his two bags that he packed next to the L-shaped couch in the living room and looks at his new host suspiciously. “You’re hiding a lot of things from me lately, you know that?”

“Honestly, it’s for your own good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” Hux sighs as his silver Bmw X5 Hybrid pulls into the driveway and around the back, into the garage. “And I’m sure your opinion about staying here will change.”

“Okay now I’m lost… What do you-” Ben trails off as his attention is pulled toward the front door opening.

His heart stutters, his breathing halts, his eyes feel like they’re going to pop out of his head, and his jaw nearly drops to the floor. Because the person who just walked through that door- the person who he would be sharing a roof with for however many days- is  _ her _ .

“Rey.” he gasps quietly under his breath.

But she had heard it. And her eyes immediately snap up to meet his.

And now he is even more confused than he was before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this update! Please leave a kudos and a comment for me to read while I'm bored in quarantine!<3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben extends his hand and Rey reaches to shake it. She is in no way prepared for how big his hand actually feels around hers. From his wrist to the top of his fingers has to be eight inches at least. Her hand feels like a bird that is being crushed by an anaconda. His grip is firm, but not too tight. Almost gentle. Like he doesn’t want to hurt her. It brings her thoughts back to yesterday when she had these same hands gripping around her waist. Unyielding yet delicate.
> 
> The skin-to-skin contact sends a sudden surge through her body. The warmth of his hand immerses her and she feels like she never wants to let go. Feels like she wouldn’t mind holding these soft, warm, large hands forever. She would let them explore her entire being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We reached 2k hits! Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and commented, I really appreciate it. I definitely didn't think that this fic would get this far.  
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's my favorite one so far! <3

It’s weird. Seeing Rey in normal clothes. A good weird, but still weird. Maybe because they’re such modest clothes, but then again, does Ben expect anything less? Her straight blue jeans make her legs look longer than they are, and a plain orange short sleeved shirt hangs loosely around her torso. She’s carrying shopping bags from all different types of stores; Old Navy, American Eagle, JCPenney, and- something that definitely sparks Ben’s interest- Victoria’s Secret.

Rey looks just as shocked as Ben feels. Her mouth slightly agape like a codfish, honey brown eyes wide enough for them to roll right out of the socket, and eyebrows lifting almost all the way up to her hairline. 

Oh... _Oh God._ Her _hair_ . It’s the first time Ben is seeing Rey without her veil and _her hair._ It’s chocolate brown and tightly fastened into three vertical buns with shorter strands curling around her perfectly sculpted face.

They stand there like that, staring at each other in confused awe until Hux clears his throat. “Hey Rey. Meet your new housemate!”

Both Ben and Rey quickly look at him, facial expressions unchanging. “Housemate?” they exclaim simultaneously.

Hux looks back and forth between them, internally smiling because of how similar they are. He sighs and then walks toward Rey, still frozen in the doorway. “How 'bout you unpack your new things while I talk to Ben?”

Rey starts to protest, looking wildly confused, but Hux cuts her off. “I’ll come talk to you when I’m finished. Tell you everything.” 

With one more quick glance to Ben, she lets out a frustrated exhale and heads toward the hallway and into Hux’s guest bedroom. Once she’s out of sight and out of ear shot, Ben unfreezes.

“What the hell, Armie? What’s she doing here?”

“Calm down and lower your voice!” Hux leads Ben to sit on the couch.

“How do you-” realizing that he's still being loud, Ben lowers his voice to a whisper. “How do you expect me to be calm when the girl of my dreams is going to be living under the same roof as me? Why didn’t you tell me? What-” he trails off as Hux cocks his eyebrow at him and smiles. “What?”

“‘Girl of your dreams’? You don’t even know her. You literally just learned her name two days ago and your first conversational interaction was yesterday.”

“You think I want to feel this way about a girl who I’ve barely said five words to? A girl who’s a nun on top of it? I don’t know why I’m feeling what I’m feeling, but I can’t help it. She’s just so… mesmerizing. I-I can’t do this. I think I’m just gonna stay with Kaydel.”

“Kaydel will be a constant distraction for you.” Hux reminds him.

“Well it’s better than an off-limits nun being my constant distraction.”

“She may not be a nun for much longer.”

Ben’s eyes perk up. “What do you mean?”

“Well the reason she’s staying with me is because she’s not so sure she wants to take her final vows. She’s stuck trying to decide between a normal life and a nun life. So, to help her with her predicament, I suggested that she should take a break. A week off from being a nun and see how she likes it.”

“So why is she staying _here_?”

“She doesn’t really have a home to go back to. She grew up in a foster home with a drunkard and his submissive wife.”

“Oh…” Ben looks down, processing all of this information. “So what you’re saying is that she’ll be here all week? Free from religion and the restrictions that come with being a nun? Like a normal person?”

“Yes, but don’t get any ideas. Just because she’s not a nun this week doesn’t mean she won’t be one next week. I don’t want you… fondling one of my nuns.”

“ _Fondling_?” Ben laughs. “Armie, you’re such a prude.”

“I’m not a prude! I’m a priest! A priest who cares about the innocence and purity of his nuns.”

A mischievous smile stretches wide across Ben’s face. “But she’s not a nun.”

“Well-”

He claps his hands over his ears. “Nope. Not listening. You said no more restrictions. This week, she’s just like any other girl.” 

And Ben doesn’t say this next part out loud, but he thinks he can help Rey. Help her explore the real world how a 22-year-old should be exploring it. Maybe he’s doing this for selfish reasons, but he _does_ want her to realize everything she’s missing out on while being chained down by a religion. Maybe he can help make this change permanent.

_Don’t get too attached._ Ben warns himself, but he can’t ignore this new sense of confidence welling up inside of him.

Hux rolls his eyes at him and stands up from the couch, sighing.

“Wait.” Ben stops him as he makes his way towards Rey’s room. “Where’d the accent come from?”

“What?” Hux asks, caught off guard by the out-of-the-blue question.

“Rey’s accent. I thought you said she grew up next to you?”

“Yeah, but she lived in Britain until she was six. Once her parents arrived in the States, they left her at a gas station and never came back.”

“Six? That’s pretty young, shouldn’t the accent be faded?”

“Well the Plutt’s- her foster family- are also British. I think that’s why they kept her when no one was adopting her. She’s someone from home, I guess. Why’re you so interested?”

Ben shrugs. “It’s kinda hot.”

Hux gives him a stern look. “You’re really going to make this week hard on me aren’t you?”

“I can still leave.” Ben jokes.

With another roll of his eyes, Hux continues on towards Rey’s room, leaving Ben much happier than he was when he woke up this morning.

\---

Rey’s reaction is pretty much the same as Ben’s. After Armitage gets her to stop nervously pacing her room, he explains everything to her and tells her that he can ask him to leave if she doesn’t feel comfortable. 

“Although,” Armitage says. “He may not be here that long, anyway. Depending on how long the restraining order takes, it could only be a day or two.”

Rey sits on the edge of her bed, sadness flooding her senses upon learning about Ben’s situation.

“You don’t have to kick him out.” Rey responds to Armitage. She’s attempting to live a normal life, so she might as well start by facing the most beautiful man she’s ever laid eyes upon. “You’re helping a friend who’s in need. Just like what you’re doing with me.” She inhales deeply. “I can handle it.”

“Are you sure?”

Rey smiles. “Yes.”

“Okay... Boy, is this week going to be hectic.”

Rey laughs softly, still not in her head enough to have paid full attention to what Armitage had said.

“Well I’ll take you out there to introduce you guys.”

“We’ve already been introduced. In the hallway of the church basement when we ran into each other.”

Armitage shakes his head. “That’s not a proper introduction. Come on. Don’t be shy.”

Rey’s heart races as Armitage leads her back into the living room. Ben is sitting on the soft tan couch, nervously bouncing his ridiculously long leg. He looks at them and stands up as they approach, a tender expression on his face. 

“Rey,” Armitage starts. “this is Ben Solo. Ben, this is Rey Niima. I know you guys have already had your own quick and awkward introductions, but I wanted you to do it properly.”

Ben extends his hand and Rey reaches to shake it. She is in no way prepared for how big his hand actually feels around hers. From his wrist to the top of his fingers has to be eight inches _at least_. Her hand feels like a bird that is being crushed by an anaconda. His grip is firm, but not too tight. Almost gentle. Like he doesn’t want to hurt her. It brings her thoughts back to yesterday when she had these same hands gripping around her waist. Unyielding yet delicate.

The skin-to-skin contact sends a sudden surge through her body. The warmth of his hand immerses her and she feels like she never wants to let go. Feels like she wouldn’t mind holding these soft, warm, large hands forever. She would let them explore her entire being. 

His hazel eyes are looking down, straight into hers and she can feel those two irises burning into her core. There is a throb there that she can’t ignore.

He flashes her a dimpled smile that makes her knees almost give out and says a deep, intoxicating “Hello.”

“Hi.” she responds breathily, flashing him a smile of her own.

The handshake goes on for a couple seconds past the normal length of a handshake, and Rey feels cold again as her hand drops to her side.

Ben breaks his lingering stare and picks up his bags. “Well I better put my stuff away.”

“Okay.” Rey says quieter than she intended.

He gives her one last quick smile and walks past her, down the hall and into Armitage’s office right across from her room.

“He’s sleeping in your office?” Rey turns to Armitage.

“Oh yeah. I have a pull out sofa in there. It’s not the most comfortable thing, but it should be fine for just a couple days.”

\---

Rey had spent up until dinner in her room, too scared to see Ben again. She went through and tried on everything that she bought at the mall. A couple pairs of skinny jeans- one light, one dark, one pair with rips in them- from Old Navy along with some cute summer shirts. She bought a couple pairs of shorts from American Eagle. From Victoria’s Secret, she had gotten some comfy leggings, sleep shorts, and some cute underwear and bras. She doesn’t know why she got the latter… maybe to feel more confident?

After making sure everything fits, Rey decides to text Rose with updates. She knows she won’t be able to read the texts until later that night, but she needs to get all of this off of her chest. She types out probably the longest paragraph in texting history and then sets her phone down on her bed. Armitage had mentioned that they would be having dinner around 6:30, so she spends the next two hours taking a well-deserved warm bath and _attempting_ to plan out what she was going to do this week (key word: attempting). It’s much harder than Rey thought it was going to be. What do normal people do?

She decides to pluck up the courage and head into the living room to sit on the couch. Maybe a change in scenery will help her. As she plops down on the couch, she sees that Armitage is in the kitchen cooking some grilled chicken and veggies. Ben is leaning up against the kitchen counter talking to him. That is until he notices her presence. Rey can see, from her peripheral vision, Ben making his way toward her. He sits on the shorter portion of the couch, Rey on the longer.

“Hey.” He says.

Rey looks up at him from the notes app on her phone where she has typed a very short list of things she wanted to do. Well, not short, really. Nonexistent would be more accurate. “Hey.” she smiles at him, which she notices is an automatic reaction whenever she interacts with him.

“I just wanted to say sorry again for bumping into you yesterday.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. Thanks for catching me before I fell.”

He chuckles a little and it’s one of the most beautiful sounds that Rey has ever heard. “Oh, it’s no problem.” he echoes her.

And just then- it only lasts a split second, but Rey catches it- he glances down at her lips. She knows it couldn’t possibly mean anything, but it makes something flutter in her chest; like a kaleidoscope of butterflies just suddenly manifested inside her.

He clears his throat after a pause of silence. “So have you thought about what you’re wanting to do this week?”

“That’s kinda what I’ve been trying to work on for the past half hour.” She holds up her phone to show him the empty notes draft.

“I could help you,” he says. “If you want.”

Rey smiles at him again. “Really?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

They sit there smiling at each other until Armitage’s voice sounds from the kitchen. “Dinner’s ready!”

Ben looks in Armitage’s direction and then back at Rey. “Rain check?”

Rey nods and they both make their way toward the kitchen.

The dinner goes smoothly and conversation flows pleasantly with Ben and Rey getting to know more about each other. A lot of it was Armitage telling embarrassing and funny stories about his and Ben’s childhood together. It’s around 8 o’clock when they decide to clean up the dishes. They had finished eating way before then, but stayed at the table talking. Nothing too deep or personal. Mainly just asking where each other were from, their favorites movies- Rey hadn’t seen a lot, but she had some strong opinions about a couple that she watched religiously as a teenager- and their favorite books- which got Ben talking for a long time about his deep love of books and how he wanted to be librarian as a child.

Ben volunteers to do the dishes, saying he should help out around the house since Armitage is so kind as to let him stay. Armitage thanks him and then goes to wash up before going to bed. He has an early day tomorrow and has to be at the church at 7am.

That leaves Ben and Rey in the kitchen. _Alone._

Rey is washing her own dishes in one side of the double sink when Ben approaches. He stands next to her and clears his throat. “I can do that.”

“No, it’s fine. I should probably help out around here, too, since I’m most likely going to be staying here longer than you.”

“That’s fair.” silence follows, the only noise is the water rushing out of the faucet and Rey scrubbing her dishes with a sponge. 

Noticing him just standing there awkwardly, not saying anything, Rey looks up at him. “Do you need anything?” she asks sweetly.

“Yeah, I just need to squeeze right past you.” He holds up his and Armitage’s dishes piled in his hands. “Need to get to the other side of the sink.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Rey starts to set her dishes down in the sink to move out of the way, but before she can, Ben _literally_ squeezes behind her. Lifting the plates and utensils up over her head, he slides sideways behind her, facing her back. She can feel his chest slightly graze her spine as he does so, sending chills throughout her body. And once again… there’s that now familiar throbbing in her core. Something that only Ben can cause with just a touch. Rey’s breathing halts and her eyes widen in surprise. Once Ben is standing next to her, she resumes her dishwashing, refusing to make eye contact with him. Was he doing this on purpose? Does he know she likes him and is now teasing her? Or... does he like her too? 

She finishes cleaning the dishes not fifteen seconds after the chest-to-spine incident and quickly puts them in their respective cabinets. 

Rey turns to Ben, heart pounding in her chest. “Well… um… I think I’m gonna head to bed. Good night.”

And before she can hear him say goodnight back to her, she quickly turns around and walks out of the kitchen.

\---

A muffled screaming sounds throughout the house. It’s deep and pained and the echoes of it cause Rey to jump out of her cozy slumber. She had never slept in a bed so big, so warm, and so comfortable before. But all of that escapes her mind when she wakes up, nearly having a heart attack by the sudden yelling. What was happening? Did someone get hurt? What time is it? Rey picks up her phone charging on the nightstand. She is welcomed by the bright glow of a long text from Rose freaking out in all caps about Rey's situation. She shakes her head and checks the time, ignoring her enthusiastic friend. It’s 3am.

Another muffled yelling, this time it sounds more scared than pained and Rey’s heart sinks to her stomach. She quickly throws the three layers of blankets off of her and hurries to her closed door, opening it half expecting Armitage or Ben to be laying in the middle of the hallway bleeding to death. But she finds nothing.

She journeys throughout the house, making sure no one has broken in and is torturing her housemates. But, again, she finds nothing. She’s near the bathroom next to the kitchen when she hears another yell. It sounds further away this time, so it must be near her room. 

Walking back towards the hallway that houses the bedrooms, she hears frantic creaking sounds from Armitage’s office followed by a groan that could be mistaken for a cry. Rey knocks on the door quietly before entering. When she doesn’t hear a response, she carefully opens the door to find Ben sprawled out on the full-sized sofa bed, breathing so heavily that it sounds like he just ran five miles. His eyebrows are furrowed in worry… or is it fear? His mouth is slightly agape as quick, ragged breaths escape it. He seems to be muttering something in his sleep. Rey leans her head into the doorway more to see if she can make out what he’s saying. 

“N-no, no, no.” he whispers. He must be having a nightmare. 

And then, a blood curdling scream escapes his mouth. A loud “NO!” that makes Rey’s heart skip a beat as she jumps back in fright. He must be having a _really_ bad nightmare. Rey wonders to herself if she should go in there and wake him up, but she’s heard horror stories of people waking up someone while they’re having a nightmare. 

Before she knows it, Armitage is running out of his room, eyes wide enough to mimic an owl’s. “What’s going on?” he asks Rey when he reaches her near the end of the hall, standing outside of his office.

“I think Ben’s having a nightmare. I came to check on him. It seems really bad.” Rey’s voice is a little shaky and she takes a deep breath to calm herself.

Armitage looks at her and sees how frightened she is. She’s wrapping her arms around her waist and her eyes are probably as wide as his were when he came out of his room. Her chest is rising quickly from the fast beat of her heart. He puts a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. Go back to bed, I can handle this.”

“A-are you sure?”

He gives her a reassuring smile. “Yes. It’ll be fine. This happens a lot with him.”

Just then, another scream comes from Armitage’s office, but this time it sounds like it’s muffled into a pillow. Rey jumps again and whips her head toward the slightly opened door to see if Ben is okay. 

“Rey, really. It’s okay, I’ve got this.”

Rey turns her head back towards Armitage and nods. “Okay.” she whispers.

She heads back into her room and closes the door, but she doesn’t go back to bed like Armitage had told her to. Instead, she slides her back down the door and sits on the floor, pushing her ear up to the door and trying to hear what is going on in the room across from her.

Although the screaming has stopped, Rey hears nothing more than hushed voices and then, after a couple minutes, footsteps walking out of the room and down the hall towards Armitage’s room. After hearing his door close, Rey stands up and quietly opens her door again. Seeing a closed door across from her, she sighs and heads to the kitchen. It takes a lot to stress Rey out, and situations like this seem to qualify as a lot. And when Rey is stressed, she eats.

Finding a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Netflix & Chill’d ice cream in the freezer, Rey squeals in delight and hopes that Armitage doesn’t mind her sneaking a few bites. It was only on the rarest of occasions that Rey was able to get a hold of some high quality ice cream. At the abbey, it was all organic, healthy, and flavorless foods. On their days off, she and Rose would go downtown to an ice cream parlor named Hoth’s Icery. They serve the best chocolate peanut butter ice cream Rey has ever had, although it doesn't have much to compete with. Even as a child, Rey never indulged in the wonders of sweets… but it wasn’t of her own choosing. Unkar Plutt liked to use starvation as a punishment, and Zena was too scared of her husband to stop him. If Rey ever did something that Unkar didn’t like, or disobeyed him in any way, she could count on not eating that night. Now that she’s somewhat on her own, she savors every bite of food that she takes, whether it’s the best thing she’s ever eaten or the worst. Food is food and she’ll never take it for granted again.

As she stands in the kitchen leaning against the counter, she scoops a bite sized portion of ice cream with her spoon, takes a bite, and moans in delight of the freshly cold substance now melting on her tongue. Rey quickly decides that ice cream is one of the more appealing factors of a normal life. 

Scooping up her second bite, she hears the patter of bare feet on the wooden surface of the living room floor. She looks up and sees Ben walking sleepily toward the kitchen… wearing royal blue pajama pants. 

Correction: wearing _only_ royal blue pajama pants. Rey almost chokes on her ice cream at the sight of Ben Solo’s bare chest. It’s so perfectly chiseled like those ancient greek marble sculptures. And is that… an _eight_ pack? His skin looks so smooth, it almost shimmers in the moonlight peaking through the tall windows of the living room. It’s no surprise that the beauty marks on his face are dispersed all over his body, covering his pecs and those large, toned arms. And bloody hell, is this man built like a fridge… in a good way. In a very, _very_ good way.

He stops at the counters that separate the living room from the kitchen when he sees Rey watching his every move. 

“Shit.” he says, “I thought you were sleeping, I’m sorry.”

Rey swallows the now melted ice cream she was holding in her mouth, unable to swallow it before from the sheer shock of this man having the body of a god. “It’s fine.” she chokes out. “Couldn’t sleep.”

He walks around the counters and into the kitchen. “That loud, was I?”

Standing just across from Rey now, she can see that his skin is glistening with sweat, strands of his hair sticking to his forehead. “It’s not your fault” she says in almost a whisper.

He looks at her, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, but his eyes don’t match them. As Rey looks into them, she sees someone in pain. Someone who wants to be free. She can almost see herself. 

After a bit of silence, Ben clears his throat. “I just came in here to get some water.”

He reaches up to the cabinet just above Rey’s head, and he is _so_ close to her now. So close she can feel the heat radiating off of his bare skin, smell the saltiness of his sweat. It would be wise for her to move out of the way, but for some reason she’s stuck in place. Just like when she first saw him in the parking lot. 

His motions are slow and careful as he grabs a glass and fills it with cold water from the sink. After taking a sip, he slides his tongue across his bottom lip and Rey’s heart _palpitates_ . She reverts her eyes and takes another bite of her ice cream. She can see from the corner of her eye that Ben’s shoulders start moving in a silent chuckle. Was he _enjoying_ this? Did he find her sudden flustered state _amusing_? What an ass!

“Do you often eat ice cream at three in the morning?” he asks her with his deep whisky voice that only makes her body tingle even more than it was by the sudden close proximity of him.

“Only when I’m stressed.”

And then, all of a sudden Ben’s large thumb, that is almost the width of _two_ of her fingers, finds its way to the corner of her mouth. The warm, smooth pad of it softly wipes away a bit of ice cream that was there. The unexpected contact catches Rey off guard and her heart goes from slightly palpating to full on _racing_ . Racing so fast she feels like it might explode out of her chest. She has no doubt that her cheeks are flushed as he brings his thumb up to his own mouth, and _licks_ the ice cream off of it.

_Dear God,_ Rey thinks. _What did I do to deserve this?!_

“And what is stressing you out?” he asks ever so innocently. Like he didn’t do what he just did so boldly. Like he isn’t making her feel like she could melt into a puddle on the floor right now.

_You! You are stressing me out!_ She wants to say. But she’s frozen, unable to speak. Words? What are words? She doesn’t know them. How can she form words when this man who she barely knows is standing inches from her, shirtless, sweaty, touching her, and gazing straight into her eyes? She parts her lips to speak but nothing comes out. She looks down at the pint sized carton of ice cream like it’s the most interesting thing in the world instead.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. We just met, after all.”

“N-no,” she finally squeaks out. “It’s not that. I-It’s just this whole situation is kind of bizarre, that’s all.”

He takes another drink of water. “Bizarre?”

Panicking and probably already revealing too much, she puts the lid back on the ice cream and places the spoon in the sink. “You know what, just forget it. I should be going back to bed.”

Rey puts the carton back in the freezer and slightly smiles at Ben as a form of a _goodnight_ without actually saying it.

“Goodnight.” Ben calls after her, making her stop in her tracks. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply, thinking about going back to bed only to be woken up by his screaming again. She feels bad for him. Empathy, even, because she knows what he’s going through. Not only because Armitage had told her, but because she experienced a less extreme version of it back at the Plutt residence.

Rey turns around to face him once more. “I had them, too.” she says. “The nightmares. They go away with time.”

Now it’s his turn to be frozen, looking back at her with a mildly shocked expression. When he doesn’t say anything, Rey speaks again. “I know it can be hard to go through this by yourself, and I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I’m here if you need to talk. You’re not alone.”

Still looking slightly like a lost little boy, which is very different from how he looked just seconds ago, he finally unfreezes. “Neither are you.” he says.

And with that, Rey faintly smiles and heads back to her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos and/or comment if you liked this chapter!
> 
> Come follow me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/adamdriveruniverse/) where I post updates on this fic and just fun Adam/Reylo content!
> 
> (You can also follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/driveruniverse) but I don't post as much on there)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey doesn’t say anything, but Ben doesn’t notice because he’s too tied up in what one of the characters is saying to Kiera Knightly. “You have bewitched me, body and soul.”
> 
> Sneaking a look at Rey, she’s watching the movie intensely. It’s adorable, really. How her wide amber eyes are focused on the screen, like if she breaks eye contact she’ll die. How her pink, smooth lips are slightly parted, seeming to mouth the lines along with the characters. And in this moment, Ben can’t help but relate to that specific quote. Because Rey Niima has somehow bewitched him. Body and soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content Warning:**   
>  **This chapter contains talk of pregnancy and abortion. Please pay heed to the tags!**
> 
> This will be the last chapter that is mostly set-up. I also wanted to address some messages saying how some of you don't like the relationship that Ben and Kaydel have. Ben and Kaydel do NOT have romantic feelings toward one another. They are strictly friends. I do not ship Ben and Kaydel. Ben only had eyes for Rey, I promise!

Rey’s reassuring words had followed Ben back to bed to comfort him as he fell back to sleep. Well... her reassuring words and the picture of her in her pajamas. She was wearing a simple gray spaghetti strap tank top with a pair of blue and white striped pajama shorts. The loose curls of her soft hair falling behind her back and resting in between her shoulder blades. This outfit shouldn’t have affected Ben as much as it did. But he’s still thinking of it when he wakes up the next morning. How the top had revealed more of her neck and chest than he ever thought he would see. Her skin looked so smooth against the faint lighting of the moon peeking through the windows, and her collarbone was so prominent that it was almost like it was pleading to be covered in love bites.

Her pajama shorts looked so soft and outlined her hourglass figure perfectly. They cut off a little below the curve of her ass and that seemed to accentuate it more. Her long, toned legs looked freshly shaved which only added to Ben’s need to run his hands up and down them.

What caught his attention more was the fact that she had abandoned her bra, and her nipples were straining against the cotton fabric. Tiny, yet so perfect. And he couldn’t help but smile to himself when he noticed how much more perked they became when he got closer to her. When he reached over her to get a glass out of the cabinet. When he licked his lips after he took a sip of his drink to collect the excess water.

And the way she was just looking at him when he first walked in. How she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his bare chest. It almost made him forget about his hellish nightmare. Almost.

All of these thoughts about what transpired last night seem to go straight to his cock. He feels it struggling beneath his underwear, waiting to be set free and eased of its pressure. Gently getting up off of the sofa bed, he carefully and quietly locks the door and lays back down, rolling his underwear halfway down his thighs.

He closes his eyes and pictures Rey. How those perky tits would bounce as she rode his cock. The noises that she would make. Would she moan or cry out a little as she took him so nicely? Precum seeps from Ben’s tip just at the _thought_ of Rey. What would happen if he was actually _with_ her? He doesn’t know how long he would be able to last. 

Heart beating rapidly in his chest, his cocks gives a twitch, signaling him to do something already. Ben takes the precum and spreads it down his length, adding lubrication and shivering as he does so. He starts out slow, going from base to tip all while imagining Rey’s pretty face and perfect body. How her slim thighs would straddle his hips as she would bounce on his lap. How is it fair for a nun to have such a perfect body? Such a beautiful face?

Ben throws his head back against his pillow and bites his lips to stop any noise that tries to escape his mouth. He thinks about Rey’s quick and needy breaths as she reaches her climax. Thrusting his hips into his hand, Ben feels the pressure build and goes faster now that he knows he’s close to release.

“ _Fuck, Rey.”_ he whispers uncontrollably under his breath.

This is wrong. He shouldn’t be doing this. Jerking off to an innocent girl who he’s sharing a roof with is wrong. And she’s a nun on top of it. But the thought of it being so wrong only makes Ben want her more. With a couple more thrusts and the mental image of Rey falling over the edge, Ben comes undone, spilling out over his hand and his chest with a quiet groan, breath heavy and lip bleeding slightly from biting on it so hard.

As his cock softens, he pulls his underwear back on. “I’m in deep shit.” he mumbles to himself.

\---

Rey is sitting on the couch in the living room, all of her attention glued onto whatever she’s watching on the television. To Ben’s slight disappointment, she had abandoned her spaghetti strap shirt and settled for a long sleeve one instead.

“Your first official day of freedom and you’re wasting it on TV?” Ben teases her.

She looks at him, playfully offended. “I beg your pardon, but this is Pride and Prejudice. I loved this movie as a tennager and nuns aren’t allowed to watch the telly.”

The thickness of her accent makes Ben smile and he wants to urge her to talk more, but he has to call Poe first to get this restraining order settled. 

He excuses himself for a moment and walks off to the semi-private kitchen so he wouldn’t disturb Rey’s “telly” watching. The smell of salty bacon fills the room and there’s a note addressed to him on the fridge.

_Ben,_

_I didn’t want to wake you after the night you had. I have to go into work, but there’s some leftover bacon and scrambled eggs in the fridge._

_P.S.- Don’t forget to call Poe_

_\- Armie_

Ben smiles at the letter, heart warming at the kind gesture. He never really had anyone looking out for him or cooking him breakfast growing up.

Before he warms up the leftover food, he pulls out his phone and dials Poe’s work number. He picks up on the second ring.

“Imperial & Co. This is Poe Dameron.”

“Hey Dameron, it’s me.”

“Solo! Hey, bud. What’s up?”

Ben cringes at the energy that Poe is exuding through the phone. It’s the one thing that he can’t stand about Poe. He’s a natural extrovert. “I was just wondering if you could help me tomorrow when I come into work… with some personal issues?”

“Look, buddy. You know I’m always up to talk about your sex life, but during work seems-”

“Not that kind of personal issue, idiot!” Ben interrupts. “I need… a restraining order.”

Poe’s laughter dies down and Ben can feel the mood of the conversation change instantly. Poe lived next to Ben all his life up until they went off to college, but even then they stuck around each other. They went to the same university, both majored in law, shared a dorm room, studied with each other, and confided in each other their deepest secrets. Ben would have stayed at Poe’s instead of Hux’s if it weren’t for Finn (Poe’s husband). Finn didn’t like Ben very much for some reason. Probably because Ben is so reserved in social settings around people he doesn’t know and has a resting bitch face. He probably gave off the wrong first impression.

“Is it Snoke? Did he hurt you again?” Poe’s voice is low, almost a whisper.

“No, but I think he might try to. I told him the truth yesterday and now I’m staying at Armie’s because I’m too scared that Snoke’ll show up at my apartment.”

“Damn, Solo…” Poe pauses and Ben waits impatiently for him to give an answer. “Alright.” he finally says. “I can help you. Just come see me during your lunch break, okay?”

Ben exhales a sigh of relief. “Okay. Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See ya.”

As Ben hangs up he heads back into the living room and sits down next to Rey, trying his best not to think about how he just jerked off to the mental image of her not too long ago.

Her hand is resting on the couch cushion and he places his own next to it; not touching, but close enough so he can feel the sweet heat radiating off of her. He notices that Rey's breath catches as he does so, and revels in silent victory while he turns his attention to the large television screen. 

“Hey,” he says. “I think this was on my TV the other night. I didn’t pay much attention to it.”

“What a shame. It’s a great movie. I’m afraid you’ve missed most of it, though. It’s almost over.”

“Maybe we can watch it again from the beginning some other time.” he says, still looking at the TV.

Rey doesn’t say anything, but Ben doesn’t notice because he’s too tied up in what one of the characters is saying to Kiera Knightly. “ _You have bewitched me, body and soul_.”

Sneaking a look at Rey, she’s watching the movie intensely. It’s adorable, really. How her wide amber eyes are focused on the screen, like if she breaks eye contact she’ll die. How her pink, smooth lips are slightly parted, seeming to mouth the lines along with the characters. And in this moment, Ben can’t help but relate to that specific quote. Because Rey Niima has somehow bewitched him. Body and soul.

A _ping_ from Ben’s phone snaps him out of his thoughts and he looks down at the screen to see a text from Kaydel.

- **KAY:** _Need to talk ASAP. In person._

Ben’s brow furrows as he reads the text over and over again, wondering what’s so important that she needs to talk to him right away.

\- _Ok. I’m at Armie’s. Come by anytime._

- **KAY:** _Be there in ten._

His mind is racing as he sets his phone down.

“Hey, you okay?” Rey asks, noticing the worried look that has made a sudden appearance on Ben’s face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. My friend is stopping by soon. Said she needs to talk to me.”

“Oh.”

They sit in silence for the next ten minutes, watching the end of the movie, sneaking glances at each other. Every once in a while, they’ll glance at each other at the same time, and Ben can’t help but smile at the flush of pink that appears on Rey’s cheeks. She smiles too and laughs a little.

They go on like that until the end credits roll. “Well, it seems like a good movie from what I’ve seen.”

“It’s more than a good movie-” Rey starts but is interrupted by the doorbell.

Ben apologizes and goes to get the door, only to be faced by a worried looking Kaydel. She’s not her normal, chill self. She looks tired, pale, and nervous. Her hair is in a messy bun and she’s wearing sweatpants; a far cry from the style she was sporting on Sunday. Ben has never seen her like this before.

“Hey, Kay. Are you alright? You don’t look too hot.”

Kaydel steps into the house and shoots him a grimace. “Thanks, Solo. That’s exactly what I want to hear right now.”

Ben chuckles nervously. “Well are you? Alright?”

“No, actually. I-” Kaydel freezes as her eyes fall upon Rey sitting on the couch.

Ben follows her gaze and his heart skips a beat. God, is Kaydel going to tease the shit out of him once he tells her who she is. “Oh, um… Kaydel, this is Rey.”

Kaydel shoots him a look of surprise, but Ben shoots her a look right back silently warning her not to say anything. “Rey?”

“Yeah. She’s a friend of Armie’s and is staying with him for a few days.”

“Oh.” Kaydel walks across the room and Rey gets up off the couch as she approaches her. “Hi Rey. I’m Kaydel.” They shake hands and smile at each other.

“Nice to meet you.” Rey says sweetly.

“Ah! British! That’s not something you hear everyday.”

Rey laughs politely and Ben eases up as Kaydel’s default personality settles back in place. She turns back to Ben. “Can we talk? Alone?”

“Yeah, of course.” He leads her in the kitchen. It’s not the most private place, being that it’s attached to the living room with no walls separating it, but he’s pretty sure that it’s far away enough to where Rey won’t be able to hear. It’s definitely better than his room where he just beat off not twenty minutes ago.

“What’s up?” Ben asks, leaning against the white marble kitchen counter.

Kaydel twiddles her thumbs nervously and paces back and forth in front of him. “Now when I tell you this, promise not to freak out. Okay?”

Ben’s heart picks up speed again. “Well you’re starting to freak me out _now_.”

She stops pacing and looks down. “Sorry. I’m just- I’m just nervous.”

“You know you can tell me anything. Did you kill anyone? Are you on the run?”

She laughs half-heartedly. “No, but I feel like you _will_ freak out if I tell you this. And I can’t handle that right now, so I need you to _promise_ me that you won’t.” She looks at him with a serious face that says _don’t fuck with me right now._

Ben straightens himself up and nods, sensing the seriousness of this situation. “Okay. I promise.”

“Good. Alright.” she leans up against the counters across from him and inhales deeply. “Ben… I-I’m pregnant.”

Frozen. Nothing else can explain Ben’s state right now. He’s frozen still. The only thing moving is his eyes as they shoot up in shock to look at Kaydel’s

“And it’s yours.” she adds on.

Yup. This is how he’s going to die. Of a heart attack right in the middle of his best friend’s kitchen. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Ben, calm down. You’re freaking out. You told me you weren’t going to freak out.”

“I-I am not freaking out.” he stutters. “I’m chill. This is me being one hundred percent chill.”

“Okay, you’re not chill. You’re looking at me like I have ten heads.”

“Wha-what are you going to do?”

“Well I’m not keeping it that’s for sure! I’m gonna get an abortion.”

Ben exhales a sigh of relief and runs his hand down his face, finally finding the ability to move. “How? How did this happen? We always use protection and you just got that sponge.”

“I didn’t have the sponge before Sunday, but this definitely didn’t happen then. It’d be too early to tell. I’m thinking it’s from when we… _you know_ … three weeks ago.”

Ben tries to think back to that day. “But we used a condom, didn’t we?”

“Condoms break, dude.”

Ben laughs, but there is no amusement whatsoever behind it. “So you were… pregnant? On Sunday when we…”

“Yup.”

“Oh!” Ben exclaims a little louder than he intended, his voice shaky. He looks into the living room and Rey is still sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV. He hopes that she’s not hearing any of this. “I-I need to sit down.” He slides his back down the front of the kitchen counter until he’s sitting on the cool tile floor. Kaydel joins him.

“Ben, you’re still freaking out. Calm down. Everything is fine. I’m going next week to get the abortion. It’s the earliest they’ll allow me”

“I can go with you.” he offers.

“You don’t have to. My sister is going with me. Plus,” she glances towards the living room. “you have a lot on your plate right now. The restraining order, trying to get it on with Rey…”

Ben shoots a panicked glance in Rey’s direction while shushing Kaydel. “Keep your voice down, will you?”

“How did you get yourself in this situation anyway? You have the worst luck, I swear.” she laughs.

Ben chuckles slightly, but just as before, there’s no humor behind it. He brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them. Kaydel places her hand on his shoulder as he refuses to look at her. He knows he should be happy and relieved that she’s getting an abortion, but there’s a small part of him that is sad. He wants to yell at himself for feeling this way.

“Look,” Kaydel says. “I know you want this one day. A life with children running around, wreaking havoc. But you have to share that life with the right person. And I’m not the right person.”

Ben looks at her. “I know.” he whispers.

It’s true. He does want that. A nice house with a beautiful wife. A child or two to care for and guide them through the obstacles of life. But Kaydel’s right. He knows he can’t have that with her. He doesn’t love her like that. 

He places his hand on top of hers and gives it a light squeeze. “I am so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not. We used precaution. It’s not your fault that we just so happened to use a faulty condom.”

“Well… just let me know if you need anything. And if you change your mind about me coming with you next week.”

Kaydel gives him a smile. “I will. But I should probably go now. I just wanted to tell you in person. Didn't think this was something that should be said over the phone or through a text.”

“Thank you… for telling me.”

With one last smile, Kaydel gets up and leaves Ben in the kitchen, shock still running its course through his system.

\---

She didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It’s just that they were talking in the kitchen which isn’t that private of a place. And the TV wasn’t playing anything, so there was no noise to mask their conversation. 

Rey can’t help but feel… jealous? Why is she feeling jealous right now? Is this Kaydel chick Ben’s girlfriend? No. Ben said “friend” not “girlfriend”. Then what is she doing pregnant with his child? The jealousy is rooting itself deeper now, thinking about Ben being with another woman in _that_ way.

She nervously bites on her nails as her mind goes to unsavory places. Imagining how he is in bed; what faces and noises he makes. If he would be selfish and think only of himself, or selfless and want to give her everything. He would definitely be the latter. There is no way that he’d be one to cum ‘n go.

Rey takes a deep breath and crosses her legs. This is not the time for horny thoughts. From what she can hear, Ben is in shock. He’s had a hard couple of days. He’ll need someone to comfort him later. She makes a mental note to do just that.

But something else catches her attention, straying her mind away from her inappropriate and sinful thoughts. It’s something that Kaydel says. About Ben having a lot on his plate… one of those things consisting of “getting it on with Rey”. Rey’s eyes widen and heat spreads through her cheeks and up to her ears. Did she hear that correctly? Why would Kaydel say that? Did Ben talk about her to Kaydel? Does he really feel that way?

_Why are you questioning if he feels that way after last night?_ She asks herself. But it’s too good to be true. He can’t possibly want to “get it on” with her. Rey’s nail biting intensifies along with her breathing. How did she get herself into this mess?

“Hey.” a sweet voice sounds behind Rey, making her jump a little bit. She turns around to see Kaydel making her way around the couch and sitting down next to her. “Did you hear any of that?”

Rey blushes a little more. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just that there’s not a lot of privacy in this house. It’s so open.”

Kaydel laughs lightly. “It’s okay, really. Don’t worry about it.” She’s so pretty, even when she’s not trying to be, and that only makes Rey even more jealous. If Kaydel is Ben’s type, then what would he see in _her_? “I know he’ll make an amazing father one day. He’s extremely caring and considerate and kind. But I’m not the person he should be starting that life with. We’re just friends.”

Rey wonders why Kaydel is saying all of this stuff to her. Not knowing what to say, she settles for a quiet “Oh.”

“I know you were probably thinking that we’re together because he got me pregnant, but I just wanted to assure you that we’re not. I mean, he’s amazing. Like _amazing,_ ” Kaydel gives a slight wink at Rey that makes her cheeks heat even more than she thought possible. Why is she telling her this?! Is she trying to set them up or something? On the plus side, thanks to Kaydel, Rey doesn’t have to wonder if he’s good in bed anymore. “But,” she continues. “We don’t like each other like that. It’s more of a friends with benefits kind of thing.”

Still not knowing how to react to Kaydel’s openness and honesty, Rey lets out another quiet “Oh”, but this “Oh” had an unintentional twinge of interest in it’s tone. Kaydel smiles slightly victoriously, like she had just accomplished something.

“Well I better get going. It was really nice meeting you, Rey. I hope I see you again.”

“Yeah, nice meeting you too.” Rey says back as Kaydel gets up and heads toward the door.

She takes one look back toward the kitchen where Ben is still hiding, and then leaves.

Just as the front door closes, Ben gets up off the kitchen floor and makes his way back to the living room. If Rey could hear Ben and Kaydel’s conversation, there’s no doubt in her mind that Ben heard what Kaydel said to her. 

As he sits back down on the couch next to her, Rey notices that he looks a little lost. Like he’s not even in his body. He’s just a shell. Rey wants to reach out to him. To hug him and tell him that everything is going to be okay. That she knows he’s going through a lot right now, but there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. But before she can do any of that, he looks at her.

“You wanna get drinks tonight?”

“Drinks?”

“Yeah. Nuns can’t drink, right? So that’s exactly what we’re going to do. I’m gonna take you to a bar and I’m gonna buy you as many drinks as you want. It’ll be fun.” He says this like he’s trying to convince himself as well.

Rey mulls this over in her head. “Are you in the mood to get drinks? You know… after everything?” she asks. A stupid question, really, because he has been through so much. Why wouldn’t someone in his situation want to drown themselves in alcohol? His response is very predictable.

“More than in the mood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you all don't mind the plot twist, I just needed something to set some events in motion! 
> 
> Leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed and don't forget to follow me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/adamdriveruniverse/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/driveruniverse)
> 
> I also have a [Redbubble shop](https://www.redbubble.com/people/adamdriverse/shop?asc=u&ref=account-nav-dropdown) if you're interested in any Adam Driver merch!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s leg starts to bounce as she takes in a deep breath, looking out the backseat window, completely oblivious to Ben admiring her every particle. The bouncing of her leg slightly shakes the backseat and he smiles at how visibly nervous she is.
> 
> Taking a risk, Ben lightly places his hand on Rey’s shaking leg as if to steady it. Her skin is warm and smooth. The small cap of her knee disappears underneath the monstrous width of his palm. She looks at him, eyes slightly wider than normal as he draws soft, soothing circles around her boney kneecap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content Warning:**   
>  **This chapter contains slight sexual harassment. Nothing too bad or graphic, but use caution if that is a potential trigger.**
> 
> Thank you all for your love and support, I really appreciate it! This is chapter is filled with Reylo, so I hope you enjoy!

Rey’s hair is back in their three vertical buns, which Ben has grown to adore. It’s so unique and so _her_ . He can’t really describe it any better than that. Although, he does love it when her hair is down like it was last night and this morning. The chocolate brown beach waves he desperately wishes he could comb his fingers through are now tightly secured, showing off the soft curve of her neck. There are little wisps of hair curling at her nape that he finds so damn cute. God, what _doesn’t_ he like about this girl?

Tonight, she looks radiant. She’s wearing a black smocked, off-the-shoulder top that is tucked into a ripped pair of dark jean shorts. This outfit is paired with some plain black converse and a _hint_ of mascara, which only accentuates her already full eyelashes. Ben can’t tear his eyes away from her as they sit in the backseat of their Uber. She’s simply breathtaking, no matter how she is dressed. She could be wearing nothing but a trash bag, and Ben would still think she looks amazing.

And her _smell_. Sitting this close to her, his senses are engulfed in her scent. She smells like a relaxing sea breeze with a hint of coconut and clean laundry.

Rey’s leg starts to bounce as she takes in a deep breath, looking out the backseat window, completely oblivious to Ben admiring her every particle. The bouncing of her leg slightly shakes the backseat and he smiles at how visibly nervous she is. He asked her out for drinks earlier after Kaydel left so he could distract himself from the news that was shot at him. And so far, it’s helping. Ben finds Rey’s presence relaxing. It’s funny how just a couple days ago, Ben was seeking Kaydel to help distract him from Rey, but now the situation is completely reversed.

Taking a risk, Ben lightly places his hand on Rey’s shaking leg as if to steady it. Her skin is warm and smooth. The small cap of her knee disappears underneath the monstrous width of his palm. Rey’s head jerks away from the window to look at his hand on her leg, which stops bouncing almost immediately as he touches her. She then looks at him, eyes slightly wider than normal as he draws soft, soothing circles around her boney kneecap.

“Don’t be nervous.” he says through a chuckle.

Rey takes another deep, staggered breath. “Who says I’m nervous?”

“Where do I start? You’re fidgeting with a string on your shorts, bouncing your leg, biting your lip, furrowing your eyebrows… need I go on?”

She laughs slightly. “Well, don’t you have a knack for body language?”

“I’ve made it a habit growing up to study it. I also work in law, so it’s a good skill to have… you wanna talk about it?”

Rey hesitates, giving a quick glance down at his hand still resting on her knee. “I’ve just never been to a pub before.”

“Well, for starters, they’re called bars in America.”

“Right, sorry. Unkar always referred to them as ‘pubs’.”

“No, don’t apologize. I actually think I like the word ‘pub’ better.” Ben will take any chance he can get to hear her say her foreign words in that glorious British accent that makes him go crazy.

He can tell that she’s starting to relax a bit from the way she isn’t sitting so straight anymore, and how her chest moves along slowly with her steadying breaths. “So what _pub_ are we going to?”

Ben’s heart flutters at the exaggerated word and he gives her a smile which elicits one of her own. “Maz’s Bar.” he says. “I’ve known the owner since I was a baby. She used to be friends with my biological mother and father… before they died and I was adopted by Snoke.”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” she says carefully. “If she was friends with your parents, why didn’t you go live with her after they died?”

“For starters, she lives in a run-down apartment above her bar. That’s not a very safe environment for a child… And Snoke can be more _persuasive_. He has more influence than Maz. Wouldn’t you rather hand off a child to a well-respected member of the community, who is very active in his church, than to a bar owner whose apartment smells of the beer that she serves downstairs?”

“I wouldn’t if that well-respected member of the community was secretly a dick.” she says flatly.

Ben looks at her in wonder. Where has she been all his life? With his finger still circling her knee and them sitting so close to each other, then tension has built up. He ventures a glance down at Rey’s smooth lips that are shimmering with a bit of lip gloss, and he can’t help but wonder if anyone has ever kissed those perfect lips before.

But he shouldn’t be thinking about doing that right now. This is the first time they’re actually hanging out. He _is_ getting more comfortable with her, though. Even though they’ve only _really_ known each other for just over twenty-four hours, he has already learned so much about her. And she already knows so much about him. They had talked for hours at the dinner table the evening before, bonded over their shared childhood trauma, and he can’t forget about the kitchen incident last night. When she told him that he wasn’t alone.

Plus, thanks to Kaydel _fucking_ Connix, Rey already knows more than she should about his sex life. With this thought in his head, he decides to move his hand off of her knee, deciding that it _is_ too soon and he doesn’t want to get attached too quickly. But something unexpected happens as he starts to retract his hand.

Rey gently grabs it and _holds_ it. Her touch is surprisingly cold. Still looking into his eyes, she whispers so quietly, like it’s just for Ben’s ears. “Don’t stop.”

Ben’s heart _plummets_ as he accepts Rey’s hand, trying to warm it up. With his other hand, he reaches up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, tracing her jawline as his hand moves down her face.

_This isn’t the time_. Ben reminds himself as they both start to lean in closer to one another. But the devil on his shoulder whole-heartedly disagrees and tells him to keep going. Their lips are an inch away from one another and he can feel her breath against his face. A nice minty scent. His heart beats rapidly in his chest as he goes to close the gap between them when-

The Uber pulls up outside of the bar as the GPS says in a robotic voice, “You have reached your destination.”

Ben closes his eyes and sighs, pulling away from Rey who looks just as disappointed as he feels. Clearing his throat, he opens the car door and rushes over to Rey’s side before she can get out and opens her door for her. She smiles at him as she gets out and thanks the Uber driver.

When they walk inside, they are greeted by the smell of strong, hard liquor. There is a row of large black leather booths situated to the left on a raised platform, cut-off by a half wall that is lined with smaller tables that sit up to three people. The ceiling lights are dimmed down so that the majority of the light source comes from neon LED bar signs and the white lights that shine from behind the tall shelves of alcohol behind the bar to the right. It’s not as crowded as it normally is, but that’s to be expected for a Wednesday night.

Ben leads Rey over to the end of the bar where they make themselves comfortable on a pair of wooden barstools, far away from the fat drunkards that are drowning themselves in bottomless whiskey. 

Almost immediately as they sit down, Maz makes her way over to them from behind the bar. She is such a tiny woman, about half of Ben’s height, but tough as nails. She doesn’t put up with anybody’s shit and people respect her for that. Her large round framed glasses sit perched on her thin nose, making her eyes appear to be twice their usual size as they peer at Ben and then at Rey. She’s standing on a custom made raised platform so that she appears taller behind the counter.

“Ben Solo!” she exclaims. “Haven’t seen you for a hot minute.”

“Hey, Maz.” he leans over the counter to give her a quick hug. “How’ve you been?”

“Oh, you know. Same old, same old.” She looks Rey up and down. “Who’s the girl?”

“Oh, this is Rey. She’s a… friend.”

Rey smiles politely as they greet each other with a handshake. “Can I get you guys anything?” Maz asks.

“Yeah,” Ben says. “We’ll just start out with some beers. Guinness.” he looks at Rey. “Is that okay?”  
  


“That’s fine.” Rey answers. 

“Coming right up!” Maz says as she grabs two glasses and fills them with the golden liquid. She slides them over to Ben and Rey. “Let me know if you need anything else, Hon.” 

“Thanks, Maz.” Ben says as he looks back at Rey who looks slightly uncomfortable as she examines her glass. “First drink?” he asks.

“No.” Rey laughs a little. “I, um… went through this rebellious stage in my teen years. Snuck off to a party at a friend’s house when I was sixteen. Had my first drink and then didn’t have one ever again.”

“Not as innocent as I thought.” Ben chuckles.

“Oh, you have no idea.” she takes a big gulp of the beer as if doing so would suppress the memories of the last time she ingested alcohol.

Ben takes a sip of his while peering at her from above the rim of the glass. “Do I wanna know?”

“Probably not.”

“Oh, come on.” Ben urges her. “I bet it can’t be _that_ bad.”

Rey takes another big gulp of her drink and straightens up. “Alright. If you really want to know…”

Ben eyes her, looking like she’s taking him up on a bet. He loves it. “I really do.” he says with a wide smile.

“Okay.” She inhales and exhales deeply. “Well I got completely wankered at the party and-”

“Wait.” Ben cuts her off. “‘Wankered’?”

“Oh, it’s British slang. In your language, it basically means ‘shitfaced’.”

“Ah, okay.”

“Anyway, I got _wankered_ and my friends were supposed to keep an eye on me since it was my first time, but they didn’t. I ended up sneaking off with a boy, who was equally as intoxicated as me, and we… you know…”

Ben’s jaw drops. “You’re not a virgin? Aren’t nuns supposed to be virgins?”

“I’m born again, which means that God has forgiven me. And no, it’s not a requirement anymore for nuns to be virgins.”

“So you were sixteen. Does that… That doesn’t mean that was your first time?!”

Rey takes another drink, actively avoiding the question for as long as possible. 

Ben can’t believe this. Her first time and she was drunk off her ass. That’s not how that’s supposed to go. Your first time is supposed to be with someone you care very deeply for. It’s supposed to be awkward, but romantic. He feels sad that she was robbed of that experience.

“It didn’t last long, anyway, so I tell myself it didn’t really count.” Rey says after she almost empties her glass. “I don’t remember much of it, only bits and pieces. From what I do remember, there was no kissing. It was more like an _ejaculate ‘n evacuate_ kinda thing.”

Ben almost chokes on his drink from laughter at that one. “‘Ejaculate and evacuate’?” he repeats through chuckles. Her smile beams back at him as she starts to laugh, too. It’s so melodic, Ben could listen to it all day. 

If it was _that_ quick, then does that mean she didn’t… _finish_ ? This makes Ben even more sad. Her first time and she didn’t get any pleasure out of it. Although, it does turn him on a little to know that she has never climaxed with another person. And he finds himself wanting to be the first person to do that for her. But he tucks those thoughts away for now. It’s not a good time to be thinking about that. It’s not _right_ to be thinking about that. 

Rey finishes off her drink and Ben is not too far from finishing his. “Sorry for the sudden personal story.” she says.

Ben sets his glass down. “Don’t be. I asked for it. Plus… friends talk about this kind of stuff.”

Rey’s smile stretches from ear to ear, showing off her straight, pearly white teeth. “Why don’t _you_ tell me a personal story then?”

Ben scoffs. “We’ll definitely need some more drinks for that. Hey, Maz!”

Maz looks over at him from the other end of the bar. “Yeah, Hon?”

“Could we get some shots?”

She walks over to them. “Sure thing. Whiskey, tequila, or vodka?”

“I don’t want to get too fucked up, so definitely not tequila.” Ben says. “Vodka is fine.”

“Alright. You want some, too, Dear?” she asks Rey.

“Um…”

“Have you never done shots before?” Ben asks.

She looks at him with the most unintentional innocent face “Does jello count?”

Ben chortles. “Not really.”

“Then no. I have not.”

Ben looks back at Maz. “Yes, she’ll have some.”

As Maz gets the shot glasses from underneath the counter, Ben starts on his personal story. “So, you heard what’s going on with Kaydel, right?”

Rey nods her head.

“I’m completely fine with her getting the abortion. I support her, one hundred percent. It’s just… It’s a shock to my system, you know? There’s this little embryo out there that’s half of me. It’s a weird feeling.”

“Wait, wait. Hold on a second.” Maz chimes in as she sets down the shot glasses filled with a clear liquid. “You got a girl pregnant?”

Ben’s eyebrows lift as his mouth forms a thin line. “Yup.” he then takes a shot and places the glass back on the table, upside down.

“Oh you, damn fool.”

“Yeah, Maz. I know.”

“Hang in there, Baby.” she pats his shoulder as another customer signals for her to refill his drink.

“Thanks.” he mumbles. “You know,” he says, turning back to Rey. “I _do_ want kids, but just with the right person. And Kaydel is _not_ the right person. I’m twenty-seven,” he takes a shot. “I’m not getting any younger,” shot. “I don’t even have a girlfriend yet,” shot. “and I want to be married before…” shot. “I have kids.”

Rey looks at him in shock. “What?” he asks.

“You just did four shots in a row!”

He laughs and pushes a shot glass in her direction. “Try it. It’s not that bad.”

“Oh, okay.” she says sarcastically. “You’ve probably been drinking for years, of course you’ll say that. I’m a newbie.”

“C’mon! I dare you. If it makes you feel better, I’ll do one with you.”

Rey smiles an unsure, but eager smile at him and picks up the glass. “You know you’re gonna be so sloshed, right?”

“I have a high tolerance. Now stop procrastinating. On three. One… two…” but before Ben can get to three, a stout man with a long, messy beard makes his way over to them. He stops to stand next to Rey.

_I’ve got a bad feeling about this_. Ben thinks to himself.

“Hey there, beautiful.” the man says through slurred words. He is the embodiment of a drunken redneck. He’s wearing a black bandana on his half bald head, cargo shorts, and a camo vest over a stained tan t-shirt. The smell of alcohol radiates off of him like cologne. “Hows about you meet me ‘round the back of this here building and you can put those purtty lips to good use.”

Ben is absolutely revolted, and can tell that Rey is too by the disgusted expression on her face. His heart starts to race in his chest and he has the sudden urge to punch some sense into this filthy man.

“No thank you.” Rey says, clear disinterest entangled in her tone.

That’s when he does it. This strange man has the _nerve_ to place his fat, dirty hand on Rey’s bare thigh. “C’mon, princess. Don’t be like that.”

“Hey, man.” Ben warns him in a deep tone as he smacks the man’s hand off of Rey. “She’s not interested, so how about you leave her alone and go back to your binge drinking?” Ben can feel the anger surge in him. It starts in the pit of his stomach and travels to his fists, which are slightly clenched.

“Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do ‘bout it?” the man retorts.

Ben looks at Rey who looks slightly scared. He has a need to beat this man for making her feel so uncomfortable. For laying his hand on her after she told him ‘no’. But he doesn’t want to freak her out even more by getting into a bar fight. And he would be wasting his energy because it smells like this guy has been here for a week. He can barely keep himself steady as he still stands next to Rey, now looking at Ben.

Ben stands up from his barstool. “I’m not gonna fight you if that’s what you’re looking for. But I would consider walking away and leaving her alone before I change my mind.”

“I ain't scared of you.” the man says stepping closer to Ben.

Rey takes Ben’s hand in both of hers, causing him to look down into her worried eyes. 

With Ben’s head turned to focus on Rey, the man starts to lift his fist, getting ready to throw a very off-balanced punch. Ben can see this from the corner of his eye and catches the man’s punch mid-air. He can hear a gasp escape Rey’s lips as she lets go of his hand.

“Try that again,” Ben says in a dark, threatening voice. “and see what happens. Don’t start something you can’t finish.” He’s squeezing the man’s fist now. A painful warning telling him to think wisely.

Maz walks over to the two men and clears her throat. “Should I go get my tape measure since it looks like we’re measuring dicks over here?”

Ben releases his tight grip on the man and looks over at Rey who is unexpectedly stifling a laugh. “You think she’s funny?” Ben asks through a stifled chuckle of his own, sitting back down in his chair.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave, sir.” Maz says to the fat pervert who’s still standing there, looking confused at Ben giving up so quickly. He only did it because Maz intervened. And he always does what Maz says because he knows she’ll win in the end. As mentioned earlier, she’s tough as nails.

“Why don’t you ask _him_ to leave, too?” he asks, pointing at Ben.

“Because _you’re_ the one who is being vile and predatory. I do not tolerate that in my bar, now please leave.” Maz shoots back, fire in her voice.

The man grumbles as he waddles away and out the door. 

Turning to Ben, Maz puts her hands on her hips in a disapproving way. “When are you going to stop trying to fight people in my bar, young man?”

Ben scoffs. “C’mon, that was _one_ time!”

“No, _two_ times. Learn to control that temper, I don’t want to have to ban you.”

Ben _has_ learned how to control his temper. But when that pig came up to Rey and _touched_ her, he forgot all about control. “You wouldn’t do that.”

“Says who?”

“Me.”

“Son, you’re gonna be the death of me.” Maz laughs and walks away.

Ben looks back at Rey who has shock written all over her face at the sudden events that just transpired. “Sorry about that.” he says.

“It’s alright. Honestly, he kinda deserves a good punch. A foul git, that one.”

Goddamn she’s adorable. Although he’s still fuming from the way Rey was treated, he can feel himself start to cool down when she looks at him. When she smiles at him. When she speaks in that soft, heavenly voice that he could listen to for hours on end.

“Your first night out and you’re already getting the full experience.”

“Yeah,” Rey laughs. “Don’t know how I feel about that part of normal life.”

“Sadly, that’s the norm for women. It shouldn’t be like that. More men should learn respect and practice it in their daily lives, but… this world isn’t perfect.”

Rey smiles. “At least I have you here to protect me.”

“I have no doubt that you could protect yourself, but yeah… I guess you’re lucky to have me.” He says in a sarcastically prideful tone.

Rey rolls her eyes while simultaneously smiling, signalling that she thinks he’s being cute. Score!

“Shall we pick up where we left off?” she asks, holding up her shot glass that is still filled with vodka.

Ben lifts his own glass up and clangs it against hers in a toast. “But of course.”

He counts to three again and then they both pound down the shot, Rey a little more hesitant. Ben watches her head lift back, exposing the outline of her trachea. He can see it when she swallows and she scrunches her face, no doubt because of the burning she’s feeling in the path of the vodka. All he can do is smile at her as she lets out a breath in the form of a “Whooo!”

Neither of them take any more shots for the rest of the night. They don’t want to get too drunk. Ben is just looking for a slight buzz. Instead, they order a basket of fries to share, and talk for a couple of hours. Things like, what made Ben want to go into law? He said that he liked the idea of bringing people the justice they deserve or putting bad people behind bars. He’s only an assistant right now, but he hopes to make his way up. 

He asks what made Rey want to become a nun, and Rey tells him the whole story about her foster mother and the constant pressure she felt growing up. They went back and forth, getting to know more and more about each other. Their weird quirks, pet peeves, where they would go if they could travel anywhere on Earth, and so on. The hours bleed into one another, and before they know it, Maz is getting ready to close up shop.

“I trust you to lock up if you want to stay a little longer.” Maz offers.

“I think it’s about high time we head back to Armie’s, but thanks Maz.” He places a generous tip in the tip jar and gives her one last hug goodbye.

Even though they have talked nonstop all night, Ben still has so many questions to ask Rey. He’s dying to know everything about her.

“So have you thought anymore about what you want to do this week?” he asks her once they get settled in the back of an Uber once again.

“I’ve tried, but I’m coming up short.”

“Well I said that I would help you, so why don’t you give me some examples of things nuns aren’t allowed to do?”

“There’s a lot we aren’t allowed to do.” Rey states.

“We’ve got this whole car ride. Just list some off.”

“Okay. Well we can’t use social media, be in a romantic relationship, have sex, abuse alcohol, own property or make money, go to the beach without approval, swear, and, obviously, we can’t indulge in the seven deadly sins.”

Ben inhales deeply. “Some of those are very specific. You can’t go to the beach without approval?”

“Nope.” Rey says with an exaggerated pop.

“So what I’m picking up on from all of those restrictions is, basically, you’re not allowed to have fun.”

“Some might see it that way, but nuns see it as preserving their time so they can focus on their duties to God.”

“Is that how _you_ see it?” Ben asks.

Rey looks down at her hands. “Well I wouldn’t be taking this break if I did, now would I?”

Again, Ben feels sad for Rey. She’s so young and so inexperienced because she has been forced into this life that she didn’t ask for. All because her parents decided that the first thing they would do when they arrived in America is desert their child at a gas station. He has this need eating away at his insides. This need to show her what her life should be like. What fun looks like. How to live her life to the fullest. The way a woman in her early twenties should be living it. Exploring herself and the world around her. Figuring out who she is and what she wants. He’s going to help her with that. He will be there with her every step of the way. To pick her up if she falls. To push her forward if she wants to move back. He no longer cares if it’s too soon to be feeling what he’s feeling. Because after tonight, after the hours that they’ve spent talking about themselves and their lives, he knows Rey. Even if she feels like no one knows her, _he_ does.

After sitting in silence for a couple of minutes, trying to think of some good ways they can spend this week, Ben finally comes up with a plan. A _genius_ plan, in his opinion. He turns to Rey, an excited smile spread across his face.

“I have an idea.” he announces.

“By all means, tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Ok, so get this. We do an activity that’s related to each of the seven deadly sins. I can brainstorm some things, jot them down on my phone, and then come to you tomorrow with them when I get off of work. What d’you think?”

Rey looks skeptical. Like she’s deep in thought. Chewing on her bottom lip as she focuses on a spot on the floor of the car. “I don’t know.” she says slowly. “It sounds kind of risky. If I decide not to make this change permanent, I’ll have to do _a lot_ of praying in order to be forgiven.”

“Well, Kid, what’s life without a little risk?”

Rey’s eyes shoot up to his and she shifts a bit in her seat, crossing her legs.

“We can start off easy, if that makes you feel better.” he offers.

“Okay.” she agrees quietly.

They arrive at Hux’s pretty late, and Ben sure is going to curse himself when he has to wake up early tomorrow for work. Being as quiet as possible, Ben and Rey tiptoe through the house to their rooms, trying not to wake up Hux. They stop outside of Rey’s bedroom door.

“Thanks for today.” she whispers. “I had a lot of fun.”

“Even when that Duck Dynasty looking guy hit on you?” Ben laughs.

“Well, no. But I have to admit it was kinda exciting when you caught his punch. You’ve got great reflexes.”

Although he should take that compliment in stride, Ben only thinks about how he grew to have such quick reflexes. Getting beat by Snoke sure had helped him develop that skill.

Instead of pouring his problems on her, he settles for tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Just like he did in the car on the way to the bar, not forgetting what it almost led to. “I had fun too.” he says quietly.

Rey’s face lights up, warming Ben’s heart as her dimples appear on each side of her cheek. “You did?”

“Of course I did.”

They’re standing dangerously close to one another now. Both of them are leaning up against the wall next to Rey’s bedroom door, Ben’s hand resting on her shoulder as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Rey has such entrancing eyes. Even in the dark of the hallway, they glimmer back at him. Without even thinking, they are leaning into each other again. Ben’s heart is beating so fast he’s afraid Rey will be able to hear it. God, how he has been longing to kiss this girl since the first time he saw her in the parking lot three days ago. He wants to know what that delicious looking mouth tastes like. He wants to feel the skin of her neck in between his teeth. He wants her hands tangled in his hair as he kisses her so passionately. Possibly the first kiss she’s ever had. He wants to give her everything. 

Centimeters. Their mouths are _centimeters_ away, and Rey starts to close her eyes. This is it. It’s _finally_ going to happen. Ben can basically taste it.

“You guys are home late.” the voice of Hux behind them is so loud in the dead silence of the house that it makes both Ben and Rey jump.

_Fuck!_ Ben exclaims in his head. _Interrupted for the second time. Will this torture ever end?_

“Sorry, Armitage.” Rey says turning around to face him. “We lost track of time.”

Hux is standing in his bedroom doorway at the end of the hall, arms crossed in front of his chest like a disappointed parent.

He glances back and forth between the two of them before he speaks again. “Alright. Just warn me the next time you do that. I was starting to get worried.”

“Will do.” Rey replies.

“Get some sleep.” Hux says. “ _Both_ of you.”

“Yes, Dad.” Ben teases as Hux turns to head back to his own bed. Leaving him and Rey alone in the hallway once again.

“Well I guess I better head off to bed, then.” Rey says as she looks back up to Ben.

“Yeah, me too. Gotta wake up early for work.”

“Okay, well…” she gives his hand a little squeeze that Ben can feel in his heart. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” he whispers softly back to her.

He waits until her bedroom door is closed to head into Hux’s office. Plopping down on the lumpy mattress of the pullout couch, Ben can’t stop the smile that is plastered on his face. Tonight was one of the best of his life. He no longer worries about the news that he got earlier that day, no longer worries about talking to Poe tomorrow about the restraining order. The only thing on his mind is Rey. The beautiful, kind, vivacious nun who has somehow captured his heart.

Drifting off into sleep, Ben has no fear of nightmares tonight. The memory of Rey is there to keep him safe. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, ladies and gentlemen, are the first two of many cockblocks to come... (I'm so sorry)
> 
> Ben calling Rey "Kid" is inspired by my fascination with Adam Sackler on Girls.
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think and don't forget to hit that kudos button! See you next Wednesday<3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beneath the blanket, Ben’s hand slightly grazes Rey’s. Whether it’s an accident or not, Rey’s heart skips a beat. She peeks at him from the corner of her eye and finds that his attention is glued onto the TV, but a tiny smirk has made its way onto his face. Rey turns back to the TV. That’s when he does it again. This time, it seems more intentional since he slips his fingers to intertwine with her’s. She graciously accepts his large hand into her own, and he starts to softly rub her knuckle with his thumb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in over two weeks. I've been dealing with some personal stuff lately and haven't had the motivation to write until recently. So, for making you all wait so long, and to reward you for your patience, I am posting an extra long and extra horny chapter! Hope you enjoy :)

Ben can hardly contain his anxiety as he sits in his cubicle, waiting for the clock to strike 1:00 for his lunch break. All forms of hunger have vanished. The only thing on his mind is the tedious  _ tick tick ticking _ from the clock mounted on the bland white wall. His long leg bounces rhythmically over and over and over again to the rapid beat of his heart. His ears feel like they’re on fire. His fingers are tapping rapidly on his computer desk. Feeling the heat spread from his ears all throughout his body, he decides to shed his plain black blazer and drape it over the back of his chair. He rolls up the sleeves to his charcoal gray button down shirt and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes and taking concentrated deep breaths. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. It’s not like getting a restraining order should produce this type of reaction…  _ Over _ reaction. Plus, it’s not like Poe is going to ask any detailed questions. He knows Ben’s situation. He should feel comforted in knowing that he’s finally cutting his abuser out of his life. Relaxed in the thought of living a life of his own that’s not controlled by someone else. So why is he so goddamned anxious?

“Would you stop that incessant tapping?!” the stern voice of Enric Pryde demands from the cubicle adjacent to Ben’s.

Ben peeks his eyes open to look upon Pryde’s small, round head poking up from the half wall separating them. His eyebrows drawn together in annoyance, his lips pulled down in a frown making his wrinkles more prominent. 

“Sorry.” Ben mumbles as he sits up straight and steadies his fingers and legs.

Pryde sighs with a roll of his eyes and disappears back into his own cubicle. Ben looks up at the clock and notes the time. One more minute. But it seems the thin red hand is taunting him, somehow moving slower than it usually does. He slams his face in the palms of his hands and groans out in frustration. 

“Seriously, Solo! Can you just be quiet for five minutes?” Pryde yells as he rolls his chair back to look into Ben’s cubicle again.

“Oh, fuck off, Pryde.” Ben says looking back at him. He’s been dealing with this old man and his irritability since he first started working at Imperial & Co. Needless to say, he doesn’t put up with his shit anymore.

“I beg your pardon?” Pryde shoots back.

“You heard me. Fuck. Off.”

Pryde scoffs and leaves Ben alone once more to stare nervously at the clock. Just ten more seconds… five… now! Ben all but jumps out of his chair and hurriedly strides out of the room, down the hall, and into Poe’s office on the left without so much as a knock. He closes the door behind him and sits down in one of the two chairs situated on the opposite side of where Poe is sitting behind his mahogany desk.

“Okay, so how do we do this?” Ben says anxiously.

“Hello to you too, Solo.” Poe says frozen in his seat from Ben’s sudden arrival. “You don’t look too good buddy, you okay?”

Ben scowls at Poe, his square face and deep brown eyes peering at him in concern. “What do you think, Dameron? Can we just get this over with?”

“Alrighty! Someone’s irritable today.”

Ben takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself down. He has a tendency to be an asshole when he’s nervous like this. He hides behind snarky comments so he won’t reveal his vulnerability. He learned at a young age how dangerous it is to be vulnerable.

“I’m sorry. It’s just a touchy subject, that’s all.”

“I get it. I know how you can be when it comes to this kind of stuff. Let’s just take it one step at a time, okay?”

Ben nods as Poe fishes into his desk drawer and whips out a stack of paperwork. He goes on to explain that Ben needs to, first, fill out a form explaining why he needs the restraining order. So in his case, it would be a case of domestic abuse for ten plus years. Then, Poe explains how he will issue a temporary restraining order, which is good for ninety days, and then they have to decide on a court date.

“Court date?” Ben asks, confused. “Can’t we do all of this here and now? Why do we have to go to court?”

“It’s the law. The judge has to decide whether there’s enough reason to put a full order protection in place. That’s good for eighteen months. If the person receiving the restraining order doesn’t show up to the court date, then the full order automatically goes into effect.”

Ben sighs and runs his hand down his face. “It’s just... the whole reason for this restraining order is for me to never be in the same room as Snoke again.”

“I understand, but this is the exception. I’m going to give you one copy of the temporary order, and then give another copy to Sheriff Ackbar to give to Snoke. Ackbar will then notify Snoke of the court date. From there, we just pray that he doesn’t show up, so you have an easy out.”

“Okay, so what are the details for the full order?”

“Well, it’s stated here-” Poe points to a paragraph on the piece of paper turned to face Ben. “that Snoke cannot come within 500 feet of you. If he violates this rule, then he will be arrested with a misdemeanor charge.”

“Can’t he just be arrested for the severe domestic abuse?” Ben asks.

“Seeing that there’s no evidence, and you’ve waited this long to bring it to anyone’s attention, no.”

“That’s bullshit! I was a kid! You want proof? I have the scars on my back. I have the hospital bills!”

“Yes. The hospital bills from the beating you said was from a random group of guys.”

“Kids lie to protect themselves! I didn’t want to get thrown into the system and placed with another abusive foster family.”

“I’m sorry, Solo. It’s just not the kind of evidence that we need. Unless Snoke confesses to the abuse, the only way that he’ll go to jail is if he violates the order.”

Ben slumps back in his chair feeling defeated, even though he should feel victorious. He’s finally getting this done. After all of these years. But knowing that Snoke isn’t going to pay for what he did to him… it just doesn’t sit right.

“Look,” Poe moves all of the paperwork to the side and focuses solely on Ben. It makes him feel self conscious. “Take some time off. I know all of this is a lot to process and it can be really stressful. We don’t want it interfering with your work and your future at this company. Just use some of your vacation days and relax. That is until the court date. And we can’t get you in for another two weeks, so you have plenty of time to prepare. Just take a mini vacation, man. You deserve it.”

This is an appealing offer. He can spend that time with Rey, going through the activities he has planned for each of the seven sins. The thought of spending more time with Rey causes a smile to tug at the corner of his mouth. A slight weight feels like it’s being lifted off of his chest as he imagines going back to Hux’s and seeing her. He knows he’s getting attached too quickly, but he needs someone in his life that will help him feel like this. Euphoric.

Poe notices Ben’s change in demeanor and decides to prod with a shit-eating grin on his face. “What’s the smile for?”

Ben snaps out of his thoughts about Rey and goes back to his resting douche face. “What smile?” he asks innocently.

“The rarity that is the Ben Solo smile. Just a second ago. What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Ben shakes his head and tries to focus his attention on the abandoned paperwork sitting on the edge of the desk. “Let’s get back to this.”

Poe slams his hand down on the paperwork, preventing Ben from reaching for it to change the topic. “It’s not ‘nothing’! I haven’t seen you smile like that in years. Come on. Fess up. What were you thinking about?”

Ben is silent, looking down at his hands, refusing to make eye contact with Poe.

“Or is it  _ who _ were you thinking about?” Poe teases.

“Come off it, Dameron. I told you, it’s nothing.”

“Well you’re not denying it! Come on, I’m your oldest buddy! College roommate! We tell each other everything!”

“ _ Second _ oldest buddy.” Ben corrects him.

“Still. Tell me or I’m not finalizing this restraining order.”

Ben shoots him a  _ you-gotta-be-kidding-me _ look. “That’s low.”

But Poe’s right. They do tell each other everything. And it’s not like Rey is a secret or anything. Maybe Ben just doesn’t want Poe to tease him like he always does. He sighs, accepting the inevitability of getting Poe’s famous freak outs anytime Ben has a potential love interest. He never knew why, but Poe has always been invested in his love life. He never approved of his and Kaydel’s relationship. God, what would he think if Ben told him about the pregnancy? That is definitely one thing he’s keeping a secret.

“Fine. Just don’t freak out, it’s nothing serious.” Ben pauses as Poe nods, biting his lips to contain some of his excitement. “There’s this girl…”

“I KNEW IT!” Poe beams. “What’s her name? How old is she? Is she cute? Can Finn and I meet her?”

“I told you not to freak out!”

Poe laughs and takes a deep breath. “Fine. I’m fine. Totally not freaking out. Who is she though? You can’t just tell me there’s a girl and not give me any details.”

“Well, the thing is, I don’t know if she’s going to be around for much longer, so I don’t want to go too far with her. But, the thing is… I  _ do _ . I really,  _ really _ do. I feel like it’s going too fast, though. We just have so much in common and she’s really great and unique and breathtaking. She’s like no one I’ve ever met before.”

“Shit, Solo. I’ve never seen you like this before while talking about a girl.” Poe says mesmerized.

He didn’t realize it, but a huge smile has spread across his face while he was talking about Rey, and is still there. He can’t find a way to get rid of it. Whatever Rey is to him, whatever she will become, he likes it. Poe is right. Dammit, why is he always right? Ben has  _ never _ felt this way about anybody before.

“She’s not just ‘a girl’. She’s… perfect. I can’t think of another word for her. She has turned my life upside down in the short time that I’ve known her. And it scares the shit out of me.”

“Don’t let it.” Poe says. “If you feel this strongly about her, go with it. Take this vacation to swoon her, man. You deserve a little love in your life. I think this will be really good for you. You seem really, genuinely happy.”

It’s amazing how much Ben’s mood has changed from when he first walked in Poe’s office to this moment right now. He  _ is _ happy. He almost forgot what that felt like.  _ Genuine _ happiness. All because of Rey. 

He can’t wait any longer. He has to go to her now. Spend the rest of the night with her. “You

think I could use that vacation time now?” Ben asks eagerly.

“Now? Like right now? In the middle of a work day?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to wait. Are we done going over everything?”

Poe looks taken back, but also a little amused. “Pretty much. I mean, I guess there’s nothing against leaving early… if you don’t have anything important to do.”

“Come on, I’m an assistant. Mitaka is gonna have to learn to do some of this stuff by himself when I make my way up, anyway.”

Poe laughs. “Then, yeah. Go! Be free, little starfighter!”

Ben pauses midway through getting up from his chair and looks at Poe disappointedly. “Did you seriously just say that?”

“It just came out, don’t judge. Go!”

Ben can’t make his way out of the building fast enough. He needs to see Rey. All of his anxiety and nervousness about Snoke and the restraining order has simply faded away. Before he can get to Hux’s, though, he has to take a couple pit stops through some fast food drive thrus. He hasn’t had a lot of time to think about his plan that he came up with last night, but the one thing he had figured out is that gluttony and sloth would be the easiest of the seven sins to do. Therefore, they’re going to start out with them. That means a mukbang and a movie marathon. It should be fun.

He goes to McDonalds, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Chick-Fil-A, and Smoothie King for some refreshments. This is definitely going to put a huge dent in his diet, but it’s worth it. For the chance to spend time and have fun with Rey, anything is worth it.

\---

The nuns had today off, so Rey spent most of the day FaceTiming Rose and catching her up on everything. Needless to say, Rose was just as upset as Rey that she didn’t get to kiss Ben last night.

“ _ So _ close, Rose! We were so close, I could almost taste it!” Rey had said.

“Girl, if you don’t get that kiss tonight, I am going over there and smashing your faces together myself.”

Both of them laughed hysterically and continued talking about Ben and how everyone was doing over at the abbey. If anyone was suspicious. Rose had assured Rey that they weren’t, they just worried about her health and prayed that she would get better soon. The reality of the situation hit her for a second. All of this sin. Was it really worth it? For Ben, yes. He makes her content. He makes her want to be the girl who she has been pushing deep down for years.

Rey and Rose end their long conversation by saying “I love you” and “I miss you” multiple times. That’s going to be the hard thing if Rey decides to make this change permanent. She’s not going to be able to see Rose as often.

Now, Rey is sitting on the couch, caught up in her mind’s eye. Imagining the night before. Ben’s hand resting on her knee, drawing soft, delicate circles, sent electric shocks through her body. She could feel a familiar throbbing in her core. And he looked so good, which didn’t help the situation. He had on a plain black shirt that outlined his muscles beneath it and showed off his biceps. His dark jeans trailed down his long legs and strained against his muscular thighs. His hair was flawlessly flowy, as always. It only made her want to comb her fingers through it more. And his intoxicating smell of sandalwood and violet leaves filled the car. She was drowning in him. Not only was the sensation of his finger tracing her knee cap putting her on edge, but the way he tucked her hair behind her ear and then traced her jaw was almost too much to handle. 

When he started to lean in for the kiss, she didn’t try to stop him. She didn’t  _ want _ to stop him. She didn’t care that it was probably too soon… she wanted him. She  _ needed  _ him. To feel his soft lips caress her’s. To feel his tongue slide gently against her own. To feel his teeth snag her bottom lip. She wanted it all. She had never been kissed before. Even when she barely had sex that one time, there was no kissing involved.

_ God, why did I tell him that story?! _ She yells at herself. It’s her worst trait. When she’s nervous, she tends to have word vomit. Oversharing is her way to work through her anxiety. But Ben didn’t seem to mind. And he couldn’t take his eyes off of her the whole time she was talking. It was like she was the only person in the pub. The only person in the  _ universe _ .

But nothing was more sexy than when he caught that jack-off’s punch. God, it sent chills through her entire body. The way the veins in his arms protruded, how his massive grip engulfed the other man’s fist, how his jaw clenched so tight. There was a fire in his eyes that Rey never wanted to burn out. This show of masculinity did things to her. Sinful things. And she wasn’t even ashamed. 

And then when he called her “Kid” later that night during their car ride back to the house, she had to cross her legs to alleviate some of the pressure that was growing in between them. A pet name as simple as that shouldn’t have affected her so much… but it did. And she didn’t stop thinking about it all night. Even when they were standing together, alone in the hallway, their lips closer than they were in the car on the way to the pub, she was thinking about what he had said: “ _ Well, Kid, what’s life without a little risk? _ ”

Thinking about it again, just now, she has to shift a little on the couch. It’s something about his voice. The deep, gruffness of it. But it’s also quite gentle and soothing. The way it vibrates in her ears sends waves a pleasure throughout her body. Add a pet name along with it and she turns to jelly. She dreamt of him last night. His voice in her head, his hands roaming and exploring her body, his lips trailing kisses down her neck, the weight of him on top of her as she writhes beneath him. She woke up wet and in need of relief. She also woke up wondering if he dreamt about her. He hadn’t woken her up with his night terrors last night, so he must have slept pretty soundly.

The sound of the front door opening breaks Rey out of her daydreaming trance. Ben walks into the house carrying many fast food bags and two smoothies. Rey hurries off of the couch and runs over to help carry the bags. 

“Hungry, were we?” she asks with a slight giggle.

His smile beams down on her and she can feel its effects in her head. “This is for both of us. We’re starting with gluttony and sloth today.”

Right. The sins. His plan. She gets nervous thinking about it. All of this sinning… she’s afraid it’s going to be too much to be forgiven when-  _ if _ she goes back. She can feel a slight heat rise in her cheeks when she realizes lust is one of the seven deadly sins. What will he have planned for that?

“So we’re going to pig out and get fat?” Rey says as they make their way back to the couch.

“While watching movies.” Ben adds.

They set the bags on the coffee table and Rey has a chance to process what he’s wearing. She didn’t get to see him this morning before he left for work, and she’s kind of happy she didn’t because she would have been way more distracted than she already was. He’s wearing a dark gray button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The buttons are straining against the width of his chest just like they were when she saw him at the church on Sunday. A plain black tie is loosely tied around his neck and she fantasizes about untying and sliding it off of him. His black dress pants slim out his long legs, not that they needed to be slimmed out anymore than they were. 

Ben notices her staring at him and clears his throat. “Everything good?” he asks.

“Hmm?” She says absentmindedly as her eyes trail back up to his. “Oh, yeah. I just wasn’t expecting you back until later.”

“They let me go early. Thought it was a good idea to use some of my vacation days while I’m dealing with this restraining order… Which is going to take longer than I thought.”

“Huh.” Rey says, trying not to sound as excited as she’s feeling. He’s going to be here longer than he planned. Things seem to be working out in her favor.

“Anyway, I didn’t know what you liked so I just got a bunch of random stuff. Hope that’s okay.” he sits down on the couch, the fabric of his pants stretching against his thighs.

Rey sits down too. “That’s fine. I’ll eat pretty much anything.”

Ben smiles his deep dimpled smile at her and starts unpacking the food. “I was thinking we could start off watching The Phantom of the Opera. It’s full of sin.”

“I’m okay with that. I haven’t seen it before.”

He looks at her in shock. “It’s a classic, how have you never seen it before?”

“Pride and Prejudice is a classic. How have never seen  _ that _ before?” Rey shoots back with a grin.

“Fine. We’ll watch Phantom of the Opera  _ and _ Pride and Prejudice. Unless you don’t want to watch the latter since you just watched it yesterday.”

“What a silly thing to say!” Rey says dramatically as she unwraps a Quarter Pounder. “I will  _ never _ get tired of watching Pride and Prejudice.”

“Alright then.” Ben grabs the remotes sitting on the coffee table and scoots closer to Rey, sitting just beside her. She stiffens a bit at his closeness and slowly bites into the burger. He takes a sip of his smoothie as he turns the TV on, his plump pink lips wrapping around the straw, his cheeks hollowing as he sucks. It’s not supposed to be as erotic as Rey is making it out to be. What has gotten into her lately?

They spend the first half of the movie eating all of the delicious, greasy, fattening food Ben had bought. Rey finds the movie quite enjoyable and is maybe developing a bit of a crush on the Phantom. As they finish off their smoothies with a slurp and gather up all of the trash from their little mukbang, Ben reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box of mints. He pops one in his mouth and offers some to Rey. She accepts them gladly, knowing that her breath reeks of fast food.

Ben and Rey settle back into the couch, Ben draping a soft blanket over both of them when he notices Rey shiver a bit. Her heart melts at this simple action. They’re now sitting just  _ inches _ away from each other, it would be so easy for Rey to just scoot over a little bit and place her head on his shoulder. She wants to so desperately; it looks so inviting. But she doesn’t want to misinterpret this situation they’re in. Maybe he just wants a quick fuck? No snuggling. He doesn’t seem like that kind of person, though. But growing up in the foster system has made Rey terrified of rejection. Scared that if she gets attached to anyone, they’ll suddenly leave her.

Beneath the blanket, Ben’s hand slightly grazes Rey’s. Whether it’s an accident or not, Rey’s heart skips a beat. She peeks at him from the corner of her eye and finds that his attention is glued onto the TV, but a  _ tiny _ smirk has made its way onto his face. Rey turns back to the TV to find Christine and Raoul standing on the snowy rooftop of the opera house, ready to break out into song. That’s when he does it again. This time, it seems more intentional since he slips his fingers to intertwine with her’s. She graciously accepts his large hand into her own, and he starts to softly rub her knuckle with his thumb. Rey’s heart is beating like crazy and she fails to bite back the smile manifesting on her face. 

“Your hands are so cold.” Ben says in an almost whisper.

“Yeah, they’re almost always cold.” Rey’s voice comes out surprisingly not shaking. “It doesn’t matter what the temperature is outside or in the room. They’re always ice.”

He’s looking at her now as Raoul starts singing on the screen. “Let me warm them up.” he takes her other hand in his free one, causing her to turn slightly in his direction, looking into his hazel eyes.

They study each other’s faces as the song, “All I Ask of You”, plays in the background. He’s so beautiful, she can’t believe that he would be into her. What does she have going for her? Brown hair, brown eyes, small tits. She doesn’t think she’s as attractive as half the girls out there.

“What are you thinking about?” Ben asks quietly, massaging her hands under the blankets.

“It’s nothing.” Rey hesitates. “I just… I wonder what you see in me.”

Ben looks at her confused, his eyebrows furrowed close together. Oh no. She said the wrong thing. She went and screwed it all up with her word vomit.

“You wonder what I see in you?” Ben repeats as Rey looks down self consciously, regretting speaking at all. “Rey, what  _ wouldn’t _ I see in you?” she looks up at him, surprised. “You’re the most beautiful, mesmerizing woman I have ever seen. I look at you and,” he lets go of one of her hands to caress her cheek. “You make me believe in Heaven. You’re just so angelic.”

Her heart flutters in her chest as she leans her cheek into the palm of his hand. How is he real? How can a man be so gentle and loving and  _ perfect _ ? Rey notices his eyes glancing down to her lips. Just like they did last night. The pad of his thumb lightly tracing her bottom lip. And she prays, God knows she  _ prays _ , that Armitage will not walk through that front door right now. Because, just like last night, Ben starts to lean into her. Except,  _ unlike _ last night, he does it a bit faster, as if he’s also scared that something will interrupt them again.

And then, just as Christine and Raoul move into the chorus of professing their lifelong love for each other, Ben slants his lips against Rey’s. Soft and gentle. All while cradling her face with one hand, and holding her hand in his other. Her eyes flutter shut and she drowns herself in the moment. The feeling of his lips pressed against hers sends chills coursing throughout her body. Her blood is pumping in her ears as he deepens the kiss. And it feels good. It feels better than good. It’s the feeling of being home. Comforting, warm, and inviting. A feeling she has never felt before. She wants more.

Placing her free hand on his cheek, she runs her fingers along the sharp curve of his jaw and up into his soft raven hair. He moans beneath her touch and pulls her closer, sliding his tongue along her bottom lip, causing her to open her mouth and invite him inside. His tongue slides against hers, pulling out a moan of her own. She can feel her cheeks flush as he pleasantly invades her mouth. And she can feel the throbbing return in her core. She presses her legs together as he continues to kiss her more passionately now.

Forgetting all about the movie, they’re in their own little world now. Each swipe of Ben’s tongue inside of Rey’s mouth elicits a purr-like moan. And it seems like Ben can’t get enough. And neither can Rey. The kiss is almost magical. How they just seem to fall so easily into it. And the way he  _ tastes _ . So sweet and minty fresh. Rey reluctantly removes her hand from Ben’s hair, trails it down his neck, and to his tie where she tugs slightly to get closer to him. She needs to be closer to him.

But before anything else, Ben breaks the kiss, slightly gasping for air. He looks into Rey’s eyes, smiling from ear to ear. Lips red and kiss stained. “Is-is this okay?”

Rey smiles back at him. “Better than okay.” and then she wraps her arms around his neck to kiss him again. She can feel his smile against her own as he slowly pushes her down to where her back is resting against the seat of the couch. He kisses her deeply as she wraps her legs around his waist. She unties his tie while he abandons her lips and makes his way down to her jaw and to that sensitive spot just under her earlobe. Rey gasps as his open mouthed kisses sends surges of pleasure throughout her entire body. She feels tingly from her fingertips to her toes.

Sliding his tie off from around his neck, like she briefly daydreamed of doing earlier, his hand finds its way to her hip, gripping her as he devours her neck, leaving little lovebites behind. The slight sting of the bite is pleasantly covered by the softness of Ben’s lips leaving tiny kisses over them. Rey can’t take it any longer and grabs his face to pull him back up to her lips, needing to taste him more. He takes her bottom lip in between his teeth and sucks, causing a new feeling of pleasure to surge through her. Her hips subconsciously graze against his, causing the considerable bulge in his pants to collide with the outline of her sex. They both moan at the friction and Ben’s hand moves up Rey’s stomach to palm at her breast beneath her thin cotton shirt. The pressure is insurmountable and Rey gasps into Ben’s mouth as he rolls her nipple through her shirt. Her hips buck against his again and he grinds down on her, a pleasure-filled hiss escaping his mouth.

“Fuck, Rey, you’re amazing.” Ben breathes into Rey’s mouth. The praise causes her to whine as her hips meet his once again. They both stifle a moan. He cocks his eyebrow at her as he cages her in between his arms.

“What?” Rey asks innocently.

“Looks like someone has a praise kink.” Ben says sweetly as he leans down to kiss her neck softly, teasingly.

“I do not.” Rey protests, making Ben giggle against her neck. He grinds down on her cunt again, his bulge  _ just _ rubbing against her clit. Rey whimpers and reaches down to unbutton her jean shorts.

Ben follows her lead and unfastens his belt buckle. “Good girl.” he whispers in her ear, sending chills down her spine and leaving an unavoidable throbbing between her legs. Okay, maybe she  _ does _ have a praise kink.

Ben doesn’t wait another second to slip his hand under the seam of Rey’s lace underwear. His thick, long fingers slide through her wet folds as he catches her moan with a heavy kiss. “God, you’re drenched.” he whispers against her lips.

“Mhm.” Rey whines, lifting her hips up to where his fingers slide to tease at her entrance. But instead of slipping them into her, his thumb reaches up to brush soft circles on her clit. She jolts beneath him and tangles her fingers in his long hair once more.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” Ben says through kisses.

“We haven’t known each other for-  _ ah _ ,” Ben applies more pressure on Rey’s clit and her back arches up off of the couch. “that long.” she finishes.

“I’ve wanted to know how you taste since I first saw you in the parking lot.”

So she wasn’t the only who felt that way upon first glance at a stranger. “Me too.” she breathes into his ear as her hand wanders down his stomach to palm the bulge through his underwear.

“Shit!” Ben hisses as he hangs his head in the slope of Rey’s neck. His middle and ring finger tease at her entrance as his thumb picks up speed on her clit. “Want you to come.” he huffs. “Want you nice and soaked so you can take my cock easily, okay?”

Rey anxiously nods against him as he captures her lips against his and dives his tongue into her mouth. Just as his fingers get ready to slip inside her wet, hot entrance, the sound of keys jingling and a lock turning causes them to freeze where they are. As the doorknob to the front door starts to turn, Ben hurriedly scrambles off of Rey, muttering a couple  _ shits _ under his breath. He buttons his pants and buckles his belt as Rey quickly sits up and does the same. Armitage walks in through the door just as Ben and Rey place the blanket over them again and try to act like they have been watching the movie this whole time. Though it doesn’t help that both of their faces are flushed and their lips are swollen. Ben’s hair is helplessly ruffled from Rey raking her fingers through his luscious locks. 

Armitage walks into the living room and inspects the two of them sitting a little too nonchalantly on the couch. Ben’s arm is draped behind Rey as they watch a masquerade on the TV, trying to avoid eye contact with Armitage.

“You two look rather snug. What have you guys been up to?” Armitage asks just a tad bit suspiciously, looking at the flushed state of Ben and Rey, and how Ben has inconspicuously moved a couch pillow over his crotch. 

“We’re having a movie marathon. Being lazy.  _ Sinful _ .” Ben exaggerates the last word a bit, unbeknownst to Armitage, adding a double meaning to it. Because they  _ were _ being sinful. Very,  _ very _ sinful. And it all happened so fast. So easily. Rey’s heart is still pounding in her chest. She has never been touched the way Ben was touching her just seconds ago. And she thinks she could get addicted to the feeling it gave her.

“Movie marathon, huh?” Armitage steps closer to the couch and Rey can feel Ben shift uncomfortably from where he’s sitting next to her. Probably suffering from a bad case of blue balls. Rey smiles to herself coming upon the realization that  _ she _ did that to him. “I guess you wouldn’t mind if I joined you, then.” Armitage says as he sets his work bag behind the couch and sits down. “What’re we watching?”

“Phantom of the Opera.” This time, Rey speaks up, noticing the discomfort radiating off of Ben. “And then Pride and Prejudice afterwards.”

“Sounds fun.” Armitage has a grin on his face like he just conquered something. Does he know what they were doing just before he interrupted them for the  _ second _ time? Well, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together, although they did try their best to hide the evidence. “Hey are you using that pillow?” Armitage asks Ben, pointing to the pillow resting across his lap.

Ben takes a deep breath. “Nope, here you go.”

Armitage takes the pillow and situates it behind his head. “Thanks.”

Ben carefully crosses his legs as Rey soothingly rubs his arm, trying to stifle a laugh. She has to admit, as much as this situation  _ sucks _ , it is pretty funny.

The rest of the movie is torturous. Ben and Rey sneak little touches underneath the blanket draped over them, but nothing too risky. It feels like they’re both holding their breath while Armitage sits back and enjoys the movie, completely oblivious to Ben and Rey’s need to be tangled in each other.

Once the movie ends, Ben reaches for the remote to turn off the TV. “Well, I think I’m gonna go wash up… take a shower.” He looks at Rey, widening his eyes slightly, like he’s trying to silently tell her something. Is he inviting her to take a shower  _ with _ him? 

Understanding dawns on Rey’s face. “Yes, I should wash up too. A lot of greasy food, I feel like it’s basically seeping out of my pores.”

Ben laughs and she stifles a smile at the joyful sound.

“But what about the other movie?” Armitage says. “It’s only four o’clock. You have plenty of time to take a shower later. It’s not really a movie marathon if you only watch one movie.”

Ben sighs and Rey feels his disappointment. Under the blanket, she takes his hand in hers and gives it a light squeeze, signalling to give in so Armitage won’t get any more suspicious. She’s not ready for him to be fully aware of how far she intends to go with Ben. And she intends to go  _ far _ . She doesn’t care if it’s one of the more frowned upon sins; that is what this whole week is supposed to be about. Living a normal life. And guess what? Normal people sin. It’s just a fact. And words cannot explain how much she aches to feel Ben inside of her. To feel his lips on her again.

_ Soon _ . She tells herself.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Rey says kindly. “I guess we can fit in one more movie.”

“One more?” Armitage gasps. “What kind of movie marathon entails only two movies? You guys really don’t know how to have fun.”

_ Oh, we know to have fun. _ Rey imagines Ben saying in his head.  _ Just not the type of fun you’re interested in. _

Ben scoffs. “Fine!  _ Two _ more movies. You happy?”

“Quite.” Armitage crosses his arms across his chest and settles back into the couch, a smile on his face. He looks very content.

He’s definitely fucking with them. And he’s enjoying it, too.

\---

The next two movies feel like they go on forever. Although, Ben has to admit it was pretty entertaining to watch Rey watch Pride and Prejudice. She just gets so into it. Mouthing the lines along with the characters. Slightly leaning forward, entranced by the screen. He wonders how many times she has seen this movie.

As much as her cuteness fills him with pleasure, he still has an uncomfortable tightness coming from his crotch. The result of Hux cockblocking him and Rey. 

He still can’t believe it happened. How fast it escalated. How she tasted on his tongue and how she felt beneath his fingers as he massaged her clit. Two movies later, and he still can’t get it out of his mind. Fucking Hux ruining everything. And he knew, oh he  _ knew, _ what they were doing. Growing up with this man, they can see right through each other. He decided to join them and suggested watching two more movies, just so Ben would keep his paws off of Rey. Well, too bad, Armie. Ben has big things planned for Rey. And there is no way in Hell he is going to interrupt those plans. He’ll make sure of it.

The second movie of the day ended and they moved onto their third and final one, The Princess Bride. But, right in the middle of the damn movie that  _ Armitage picked out _ , the fucking asshole falls asleep. Of course.

Maybe this would a good opportunity to scoop Rey up into his arms, carry her to her bedroom, and fuck her into the mattress.

No. Too risky. Hux could definitely walk in on them again. They can’t do anything like that under this roof. There’s always a risk of interruption. And Ben wants to give Rey everything, make her feel the most intense pleasure she has ever felt, with  _ no _ interruptions.

Ben feels Rey’s soft, delicate hand slide into his own, lacing their fingers together, breaking him out of his thoughts. “What do you have planned for tomorrow?” she whispers, trying not to wake Hux.

“I was thinking we could do wrath. We could go to a rage room.”

“A rage room? Have a lot of anger, do you?”

“After tonight, yes.”

Rey chuckles lightly and leans her head on his shoulder, snuggling up next to him more. Ben can feel a warmth spread across his whole body as he places a soft kiss on the top of her head. Rey looks up at him, eyes glistening from the glow of the TV light. It had turned dark outside and pitch black in the living room. The only source of light coming from the television. She’s so beautiful, he can’t help but place a feather light kiss on her soft lips. As he does so, she places her free hand on his chest, running up and down the length of his shirt. Almost like she wants to touch all of him at once. He desperately wants to pull those moans out of her again, the sound of them vibrating into his mouth. He could feel it all the way down in his cock. But he can’t risk waking Hux up to find them in a full on make-out session.

It seems like Rey doesn’t mind, though, because her hand slides up his chest to cradle his face, pulling him closer to her. “I think I’m going to turn in for the night.” she whispers against his lips. “Would you care to join me?”

Ben deepens the kiss, slipping his tongue in her mouth, making her whine slightly. His dick twitches underneath the blanket. “God, yes.” he groans out.

Rey giggles though his kisses, traveling down her neck and catching her skin in between his teeth. She tugs at his hair and it sends chills through him.

Rey’s giggling must have been too loud, though, because Ben can feel Hux jolt awake from beside them on the couch. Ben detaches his teeth from Rey’s neck quickly and covers her up with the blanket, hiding the forming hickey he was working on.

_ We really need to go someplace more private. _ Ben thinks to himself.  _ Some place that is less prone to giving me blue fucking balls. _

Hux looks at the two of them, cocking one eyebrow. “How long was I out?”

“Almost the entire fucking movie. It’s pretty much over.” Ben says, agitated.

Hux laughs. “Sorry. I think I’m gonna go to bed. Long day.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about doing the same.” Rey says, throwing Ben a wink meant for his eyes only.

The three of them get up off the couch, Ben turning off the TV as they head out of the living room. Hux follows cautiously behind them, almost as if making sure that they go into their  _ separate _ rooms. Looks like Rey’s plan is going to fall through… for tonight, anyway.

They all say goodnight to each other and go into their respective bedrooms, except Hux doesn’t close his door like he usually does. Bastard.

Ben takes a quick shower before bed, making sure to take care of his uncomfortable situation down south. He imagines Rey laying in bed, doing the same. Imagines her fingers sliding in and out of her wet entrance as she thrusts her hips into her own hand, silently chanting his name. In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Ben comes in his hand as the hot water from the showerhead rains down on him. He braces himself against the shower wall, riding out his orgasm, Rey’s name on the tip of his lips.

\---

Later that night, Ben is awoken by small hands on his bare shoulders, shaking him from his fitful slumber.

“Ben. Ben, wake up!” Rey’s soothing voice causes Ben’s eyes to shoot open.

“What? What is it?” he asks groggily.

“You were having a nightmare again. Screaming in your sleep.” she sits down next to him on the lumpy sofa bed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbles, sitting up and noticing his chest and forehead are covered in beads of sweat. Rey seems to notice too, because she runs into the bathroom real quick and returns with a towel.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.” she whispers, wiping his face clean of sweat with the towel. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Ben shakes his head sleepily and she moves the towel from his face to his chest. 

“Okay.” She cradles his face in her hand as he leans back onto the mattress, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as he recovers from his nightmare. “It looks like you’ve sweat through your sheets, though. You should come sleep in my bed for tonight. I’ll keep you company… if you want.”

Ben’s eyes find hers. He’s never had someone offer to do this before. Care for him after a bad dream until he falls soundly back to sleep. It’s something that he has craved since he was a scared little boy. He grabs hold of her wrist and massages circles into her bone that slightly sticks out. “Thank you.” he whispers, voice breaking.

She helps him up and leads him across the hall into her room, closing the door behind her. He crawls into the side of the bed that looks like it hadn’t been slept on, only covering himself with the thin sheet hiding beneath the heavy comforter. Rey slips under the covers next to him, curling against his chest, letting a satisfied hum escape her mouth. Ben drapes an arm over her small figure and drifts slowly into sleep. He doesn’t have another nightmare for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to hit that kudos button and feel free to discuss in the comments any thoughts you have! I love reading them :)
> 
> Also follow my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/adamdriveruniverse/) for updates on this fic!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and here's to hoping I don't run out of motivation again <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not hungry?” Hux asks from across the table.
> 
> Ben smiles and says, “I already ate.”
> 
> Rey chokes on her food and has to gulp down her glass of water while Ben tries his hardest not to burst out laughing. Hux looks completely and utterly confused, looking back and forth between Ben and Rey. He eventually shrugs it off and goes back to his plate.
> 
> “What’s that on your neck?” Hux asks once everyone has finished eating and are now cleaning up their dishes in the kitchen.
> 
> “Mosquito bite.” Ben answers.
> 
> “Mosquito bite?” Hux echoes, unconvinced. He glances at Rey and raises his eyebrows. “Must have been one large mosquito.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut alert! Ben is about to eat something totally unconventional for breakfast ;)
> 
> This is my first time writing anything like this, so please read with that in mind. I hope you enjoy!

Rey has never slept so soundly in her life. She wakes up to the feeling of Ben’s light breathing tickling the slope of her neck. His bare chest is pressed flush against her back, his knees tucked into hers. He feels like her own personal weighted blanket with the way his whole body engulfs her, holding her comfortably tight and close in his warm arms. She nestles deeper into him, never wanting to let go of this feeling, never wanting to get out of this bed. This is what heaven must feel like.

As Rey slips her fingers to lace with Ben’s, he stirs a bit and hums pleasantly, the vibration traveling to Rey’s neck and throughout her entire body. She rolls over on her back, still entangled in his arms, and finds Ben’s sleepy eyes gazing upon her, a lazy smile appearing on his lips.

“Good morning.” he mumbles, sweeping a strand of hair out her face and tucking it behind her ear.

“Good morning.” Rey breathes, her voice lighter than she intended. Even when he has just woken up, Ben is the most magnificent creature she has ever layed eyes upon.

They lie in comfortable silence, Ben stroking Rey’s hair and studying her every feature. Usually it would make her feel self conscious with someone examining her so closely, but when it’s Ben, she feels like a piece of magnificent art in the most elegant gallery.

“What?” Rey asks, noticing Ben’s smile grow a bit wider.

“Nothing.” he says nonchalantly. “You’re just so beautiful.”

Rey’s own smile grows as Ben’s lips move to graze the cartilage of her ear, lightly moving down to suckle at her earlobe. A sigh escapes her mouth as glorious chills ripple through her. Her fingers card through his ruffled hair when his lips find the slope of her jaw and then place a soft kiss on her lips. She moves her head slightly forward, searching for more, only for Ben to pull back, smiling down at her. Teasing her. The bastard is teasing her and finding amusement in her need for him. Rolling her eyes, Rey scoffs at him and throws her head back on her pillow, releasing her fingers from his soft hair. She has to make a note to ask him what conditioner he uses.

Ben giggles like a child at her frustration and she can’t help but fail to bite back a smile. The noise is filled with so much joy and contentment. A far cry from the state she found him in last night.

“How did you sleep?” she asks.

“Better than I’ve slept in a very long time.” he purrs.

“Me too.”

He jumps to his knees and moves to where he is kneeling above her, straddling her waist. Rey lets out a surprised yelp at the sudden burst of energy. Ben places a large hand over her mouth lightning fast and he leans over her.

“You have to be quiet.” he whispers against her neck. “Armie is still home and we don’t want him to know that I’m in here. Can you be quiet for me?” That's when his other hand finds Rey’s perked nipple and rolls it between his thumb and forefinger. “Like a good girl?”

Rey’s breath hitches, the sound muffled underneath his hand. She nods slightly in response, canting her hips uncontrollably. She hadn’t realized how touch starved she had been. Each feeling of pressure underneath Ben’s touch sends a different type of pleasure though her. She had never been so lovingly- so carefully- looked at or touched before. Even that one night at the party when she was sixteen. The boy she was with treated her more like an object than a human being. What this is with Ben is different. And Rey has concluded that different isn’t always a bad thing. Different can be very,  _ very _ good.

Removing his hand from over her mouth, he replaces it with a hard and hungry kiss; something Rey was not expecting so quickly, yet she falls into it nevertheless. It takes all her strength not to moan, not to make any noise, so what is happening behind her closed bedroom door stays covert. This remains increasingly difficult as Ben’s hand palms her breast harder and with more meaning. His other hand lightly trails down her side, over her hips, and settles to wrap around her thigh. He spreads both as his knees go from straddling her waist to resting in between her legs.

Delving his tongue inside her mouth, Rey can’t help but whine as it slides against the roof of her mouth right before he bites down and sucks on her bottom lip.

“Quieter, baby.” Ben whispers into her mouth. “As much as I want to hear you scream, that’ll have to wait.”

Rey fists a handful of sheets to try not to verbally respond to the pet name. And to the fact that he has the ability to make her  _ scream.  _ That he  _ wants _ to hear it, and will  _ eventually _ make her scream of pleasure. She wants him to do it now, but he’s right. As his kisses leave her mouth and trail down her neck, she can hear Armitage rustling around in the kitchen, most likely preparing breakfast. And she doesn’t think that Armitage is ready to have his precious little nun be thrown into the depths of impurity so fast… or ever. 

But Ben has the exact opposite on his mind. His glorious mouth has moved on from her neck and has found solace on her shoulder, biting and sucking and licking and kissing. He detaches and looks down upon his work. Needless to say, he has created a forming hickey right smack dab on the middle of her shoulder. 

“Didn’t want to put it somewhere Armie could see.” Ben says as he lightly slides the pad of his thumb over it.

Rey peeks at it and finds it oddly erotic. He has left his mark on her. Even though it can be easily covered up by a short sleeved shirt, it’s there and Rey never wants it to go away.

The hunger inside her surges and she all but lunges for him, wrapping her arms around his neck all while placing her lips there. She wants to taste him, she wants to leave her mark on him just like he did to her. She doesn’t care if anyone sees it. It will only show them that he is  _ hers _ … at least until Tuesday.  _ If _ she goes back to the abbey. But how could she go back after what she has done so far? After what Ben is doing to her  _ right now. _ As she sucks and bites on his neck, his sweet skin splayed across her tongue, his hips start to grind against hers just like they did last night. But she can feel it more now that she is freed from the thick fabric of her jean shorts and is only in some pajama shorts and a thin tank top.

She can feel his hardness in between her legs, grinding against her clit in a kind of need. Like he can’t get close enough to her no matter how hard he tries. Rey removes her lips from Ben’s neck and inspects her own hickey that she made with a smile. She is quite impressed with herself even though it’s nowhere near as large as the one on her shoulder. But for her first time giving one, it’s not half bad. 

Ben smiles down at her. “You know Armie is going to kill us, right?”

“Let him try.” Rey whispers as she bucks her hips, meeting Ben’s steady rhythm, making him groan out softly in surprise. “Learn to follow your own rules.” Rey laughs.

“That’s kinda hard to do when you’re so fucking perfect.” Ben growls as his hands journey to the bottom of Rey’s tank top, lightly tugging upward. “I want this off.” he commands.

He leans back on his knees as he allows Rey to sit up. Her heart is hammering in her chest. She has never been naked in front of a man before. What if her breasts aren’t like any of the other girls’ he has been with? What if he doesn’t like the little rolls that form on her stomach when she slouches?

Ben’s hungry, wanting eyes distract her from her insecurities.  _ He thinks I’m beautiful. He thinks I’m perfect. _

She lets him slowly raise her shirt up and over her head, leaving her top half completely bare as he throws the thin piece of fabric to the floor. He just kneels there and looks at her for a couple seconds, his face indecipherable. After about a good ten seconds, Rey begins to cross her arms over her chest, scared that her body is so horrid that he can’t keep his eyes away. Like a terrible car crash that you can’t help but stare at. But before she can cross her arms all the way, Ben’s strong grasp stops her and pulls her arms back to her side.

“You’re exquisite.” he breathes, almost in awe.

Rey’s heart flutters in her chest as she finds his eyes, his teeth digging into his bottom lip, his bare chest rising up and down more rapidly. “I-I’ve never… been this  _ exposed _ in front of anyone before.” Rey admits shyly, her word vomit overpowering her.

Ben places a hand on her stomach, the width so large that it almost covers her entire abdomen, and pushes her to lie back down on her back. He crawls on top of her and traces her bare breasts with his index finger. So lightly, but grazing over just the right spot to make her twitch. “So… that means I’m the only  _ man _ to see… to  _ touch _ these perfect tits of yours?” he asks in a deep husky voice that vibrates all the way down to her core.

“Mhm.” she softly whimpers as he bends his head down to softly kiss her pebbling nipple and then take it in his mouth. He flattens his tongue against it and  _ sucks _ until Rey has to put her own hand over her mouth to muffle her moan. She grinds against him again and softly whispers “ _ Please. _ ”

He lets go of her breast with a  _ pop _ and looks up at her. “What is it, baby? What do you need?”

“I-I…” her breath catches in her throat as she feels Ben’s warm fingers trail down her midriff and slip under her shorts, venturing further down over her underwear where he presses against her throbbing clit.

“You want me here?” he asks. “Or do you want me…” his fingers prod at her wet entrance. “ _ here _ ?”

Rey inhales shakily and nods frantically, biting her lip. Ben only smiles at her as he kisses down her stomach, removing his hand from underneath her shorts only to hook his fingers in the elastic waistband and yank down. Now, she is  _ completely _ naked, on display for him to see, but she finds that she doesn’t care. Because Ben thinks she’s  _ exquisite _ .

He throws her shorts and underwear on the floor next to her shirt and then places her legs to drape over his shoulders, looking up at her with a shit-eating grin.

“What are you doing?” she asks, propping herself up on her elbows.

“You took such good care of me last night.” he responds. “Let me do the same for you.”

Before Rey can process what he’s talking about, his mouth finds her wet folds and his tongue is licking it way up her center. She stifles a moan by biting into her bottom lip as a sensation she has never felt before rips its way through her. Her elbows feel like they’re about to give out, so she falls to her back and grabs hold of the sheets once more. Ben’s soft, pillowy mouth finds Rey’s clit and gives it a light kiss before his lips wrap around it and he sucks  _ hard _ . A sound from the back of Rey’s throat surfaces as her back arches off the mattress, causing her to grind against Ben’s mouth. He moans against her, the vibrations reverberating onto her clit and making the back of her hand fly up to her mouth so she can bite into it, trying  _ so hard _ not to make any noise. To be Ben’s good girl.

Ben lets go of her clit with a slick  _ pop _ . “You’re so pretty.” he hums while his middle and ring finger nudge at Rey’s entrance. “I bet you’re just as pretty when you come around my fingers. On my mouth.” he slips the tip of his fingers inside Rey, causing her to gasp and twist the sheets in her fists. Her eyes meet his, a devilish grin tugging at his dimples. “Are you ready?” he almost whispers.

Rey nods her head slowly, eyes still glued to his. Without hesitation, Ben slips the rest of his long fingers inside of her, meeting no resistance. Rey’s heart is going faster than she has ever felt it as she leans back down and tries not to make any noises. The feeling of Ben’s long, thick fingers stretching her out is something that she has to get used to. It hurts at first, but he starts out slowly, realizing the slightly pained expression on her face. 

“Is this okay?” he asks.

“Yeah.” Rey breathes. “Just stings a little. But keep going.”

He does as she says, thrusting his fingers in and out of her slowly, rubbing her clit in soft circles until she has grown accustomed to the feeling his fingers sliding back and forth against her inner walls. Once her face has gone more relaxed, he picks up the pace, replacing his thumb on her clit with his mouth. He places openmouthed kisses on it, making the wetness grow between her legs. Rey moans out, forgetting Ben’s only rule: be quiet.

Ben halts all his movements and Rey protests with a frustrated whine. “Quiet, baby. Only quiet good girls get to come.” his breath is hot against her center and she cants her hips, signaling him to move closer. He only smirks up at her and gives her a deep throated chuckle. “Greedy little thing are we? I guess we can cross that off our list of sins.” his mouth returns to her as his fingers go even faster, crooking upwards and hitting a spot deep inside her that she didn’t even know existed. Instead of moaning, she grinds her hips against his mouth and fingers, pushing them deeper inside. Her hand finds its way in Ben’s hair and he moans his pleasurable response, the sound muffled against her clit.

“Oh my god,  _ Ben _ .” Rey breathes.

“Such a good girl.” Ben praises as he takes a breather. “Trying so hard to keep quiet.” his fingers pick up pace and she can feel her walls flutter and tighten around them. He seems to have noticed as well because he brings his face back in between her thighs and sucks and licks at her clit over and over and over again, occasionally grazing his teeth against it. The sensation is almost too much for Rey to bear. She can feel her whole body tingling all the way to her finger tips. She grabs a fistful of Ben’s hair, and if it hurts him, he doesn’t show it; only goes  _ deeper _ inside her if that is possible. He crooks his fingers up toward her belly again and hits that spot that makes her vision blot and her breath hitch. He grazes it again and again with each thrust of his fingers. 

“Come for me, baby.” he mumbles against her. “I want to taste you as you come on my mouth. You’ve been such a good girl for me.  _ Such  _ a good girl.”

“ _ Ben. _ ” she whimpers in between needy breaths. “Ben, I’m gonna- _ ah _ .”

Just then, Ben returns his tongue and lips to her clit, sucking harder and with more need. His fingers go faster to the point where Rey is sure his wrist is cramping up. But he doesn’t seem to care. He just wants her to come.  _ Only quiet good girls get to come. _ She places the palm of her hand over her mouth and bites down, muffling her moan as her orgasm floods her entire body. Her eyes squeeze shut as Ben licks and thrusts into her, working her through her release. It feels like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Like a big wave crashing onto shore. She can feel it in her chest, in her fingers, in her stomach and toes. She can feel it in her clit where Ben’s mouth still is, and she can feel it as her inner walls flutter and tighten even more around his fingers.

As she comes down, slightly damp with sweat and heart beating rapidly, Ben pulls his fingers out of her and lets go of her oversensitive clit. It was her first time climaxing with another person. And it was more perfect than she imagined.

Ben crawls his way up her body and places a soft kiss on her lips. “You did so good.” he whispers against her skin. He kisses her neck, her cheeks, her nose, her earlobes. Everywhere on her face until her breathing goes steady. Rolling over so he’s laying next to her, head propped up on his head, Rey notices the considerable bulge that still resides beneath his sleep pants.

“What about you?” she asks, face feeling flushed and head feeling light.

He looks down at his erection and shrugs. “Don’t worry about me. It wouldn’t be greed if I got something out of it, too.”

“Are you sure? Because-” before Rey can finish her sentence about how she would be  _ more _ than happy to pleasure him, Armitage’s voice sounds from the kitchen.

“Breakfast is ready! If no one is in here in five minutes, I’m getting out my trumpet!”

“Armitage has a trumpet?” Rey asks through giggles.

“He had a thing for them in high school. Very weird kid.” Ben laughs.

“Oh, I have a feeling you were weirder.” Rey says leaning in to give him one last kiss, resting her hand against the hard muscle of his chest. He cradles her face in his hand as he kisses her back and she can still taste herself on his tongue. It’s not as strange as she thought it would be. If anything, she feels a new throbbing sensation between her legs. 

“Better hurry up and get dressed before Armie comes in here and sees you naked.” Ben says as he pulls away.

“We wouldn’t want that.”

“No, we wouldn’t. Only  _ I _ get to see like this.” his hand cups her breast. “Only  _ I _ get to see you writhing around beneath me.”

Shouldn’t Rey feel worried that they might be getting attached to each other too quickly? Shouldn’t she feel worried that she feels the exact same way that Ben feels? When all is said and done, there is a decision to be made. And one of the two options involves ripping Ben from her life. Rey already feels her heart shatter a bit at the thought of it.

She gives him one last peck on the cheek and throws herself out of bed to get dressed. She will deal with those thoughts when the time comes to make her decision. Now, she will just live in the moment.

\---

Breakfast is just as awkward and uncomfortable as Ben expected it to be. He was able to sneak out of Rey’s room this morning, unnoticed by Hux, but that doesn’t mean that Hux wasn’t still suspicious about last night. Ben also has an awful case of blue balls, even worse than the night before. He can’t get that mental image of Rey out of his head. How she came undone around his fingers, on his mouth. How her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes squeezed shut, her jaw slightly slack and mouth parted ever so deliciously. And Ben can’t help but feel a sense of pride in knowing that he’s the only man who has made her come. Who has made her feel so extremely blissed out and exhausted that she still has a slight tinge of flush on her cheeks at the dining room table. Even now, he has to shift in his seat and discreetly adjust himself under the table.

Hux has made his famous pancakes with blueberry sauce and a side of bacon and scrambled eggs. Rey, as usual, scarfs down her meal which Ben finds very adorable. He, himself, skips the pancakes and only has some bacon and eggs.

“Not hungry?” Hux asks from across the table.

Ben smiles and says, “I already ate.”

Rey chokes on her food and has to gulp down her glass of water while Ben tries his hardest not to burst out laughing. Hux looks completely and utterly confused, looking back and forth between Ben and Rey. He eventually shrugs it off and goes back to his plate.

“What’s that on your neck?” Hux asks once everyone has finished eating and are now cleaning up their dishes in the kitchen.

Panic rushes through Rey’s face as she visibly regrets leaving her hickey on a very noticeable spot on Ben’s neck. “Mosquito bite.” Ben answers.

“Mosquito bite?” Hux echoes, unconvinced. He glances at Rey and raises his eyebrows. “Must have been one large mosquito.” 

She nods her head and hums. “Huge.” she responds, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

After a couple more seconds of suspicious stares, Hux lets the subject go to Ben and Rey’s relief. “What are your plans for today?” he asks instead, just as Rey and Ben are getting ready to step out of the kitchen.

“Oh, um, we’re going to a rage room in the city.” Ben answers.

“Rage room?” Hux echoes  _ again _ . Ben has noticed throughout his many years of growing up with Armitage Hux that he turns into a cave when he’s suspicious of something or slightly aggravated. He just echoes, questions, everything you say. Wanting to see if you can elaborate on the lie you’re conjuring.

“Yeah, it’s supposed to help relieve you of your stress. You know I have been very stressed lately and I thought Rey has been too, so I invited her. Anything else?”

Hux shakes his head and resumes washing the dishes. “Have fun.” is all he says.

\---

The building is substantially small and made entirely of different shades of red and brown brick. It’s a hidden gem situated on the far end of a rather busy street occupied by hipsterish coffee joints and bistros. The bright red letters lined across the top of the building just above the double glass doors read “The Mustafar Rage Room”. As Ben and Rey walk inside, they are greeted by a quaint entryway containing a front desk and a woman sitting behind it with electric blue hair, dark makeup, and more piercings than Ben can count.

“Good afternoon, how can I help you today?” she says in an awfully cheerful voice that does not match her ensemble.

“We have a reservation under Solo.” Ben says smoothly, resting his arm on the surface of the desk as his other hand loosely grips Rey’s.

“Of course. Just one moment while I get everything ready for you, Mr. Solo.” The receptionist types something quickly on her keyboard and then gets up from her rolly chair and disappears through a door probably leading to a back room.

Ben’s eyes settle on Rey who is observing the area around them. She looks so sweet and innocent, filled with child-like wonder. Today, she has settled on wearing a short sleeved maroon and white striped turtleneck that snugly hugs her slim figure. She has tucked it into a pair of high waisted skinny jeans paired with some white vans. Instead of her hair being in her normal three vertical buns, she has settled for a cute, but simple half-up-half-down look. Ben thinks that this is his favorite look he has seen on her yet, but she always looks gorgeous. He can’t help but study the sharp edge of her jaw as she lifts her head up to examine the tiled ceiling decorated with strings of fairy lights and fake vines. The lights shimmer in her eyes, turning them into pools of honey. Her hand lightly squeezes his, like it’s instinct; like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Ben can’t help but pull her over closer to him and spin her around to where he is holding her back to his chest. She squeals a bit in surprise as he wraps his arms around her, bringing his lips to her neck in a ghost-like touch. She leans back into him, her hands resting on his forearms. He’s not used to showing PDA, but he can’t control himself with Rey. There is a constant feeling surging through him to have some part of his body on her, to hold her close and never let her go, to let all of her insecurities fade away into oblivion. Ben knows that he doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with Rey since there is still a chance that she’ll go back to being a nun, so he has to make the most out of it.

The blue-haired girl returns from the back room, carrying what looks like a contract and some protective gear. Ben reluctantly releases Rey with once last peck on the cheek and resumes his leaning position on the desk.

“This is a contract for both of you to sign just saying that if either of you get injured, we are not held accountable.” She hands a copy to Ben and Rey along with a pen to sign with. Once finished, she hands them white jumpsuits, face masks, bright orange helmets, and chunky goggles. “Dressing rooms are just through that door and once you’re ready, there will be someone to escort you to your room. Have fun!” she adds with a bright smile showing a gap in between her front teeth.

After getting into their protective gear, a butch man sporting a mohawk and multiple tattoos of all shapes and sizes leads them down a hall lined with metal doors. They stop at the second to last one. “Now for some ground rules.” he says in a thick southern accent. “No harming each other, no harming yourselves, break whatever you want, and have fun.” He hands them both baseball bats that are so heavy, Ben feels like it would crack a baseball in half.

The man opens the door for them and announces they have twenty minutes. The timer will give them a two minute warning. Ben and Rey nod and enter the room.

Once the door closes behind them, Rey exhales, “I felt like we were being sent to our deaths.” she laughs.

That’s when the music starts. Not pleasant music either, but hard rock and heavy metal. Ben guesses it helps some people get in the mood. The room is designed to look like a normal living room, but with concrete floors and brick walls. There is a floral patterned couch and a matching loveseat sitting perpendicular to it, a wooden coffee table with a vase of flowers situated in the middle, an old flatscreen TV attached to the wall surrounded by shelves lined with countless breakable objects. The side tables perched on either side of the couch houses tall, porcelain lamps that are just waiting to be smashed onto the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces.

“How do we start?” Rey half yells over the loud music. 

Ben grips his bat and shrugs. “Just think about something that pisses you off and start swingin’.” he eyes the poor, innocent vase of flowers sitting on the coffee table. “Like this.” and then he swings at it with all of his strength. It flies off the table, the shattered pieces and flower petals raining down on the floor. Ben can already feel some tension ease in his neck.

Rey nods in understanding and approaches the television. She swings at it, her toned arms more prominent than they have ever been, even through the jumpsuit. Once her bat makes contact with it, it falls to the floor and Rey looks up at Ben with a satisfied smile. “That felt good.” she says.

“Then do it again!” he encourages her, his chest filling with affection.

Looking down at the broken TV on the floor, she lifts her bat over her head and brings it down hard, over and over again. Ben smiles and moves his attention to the couch. He needs something big to break. Something that will take time and energy. With the memory of his nightmare last night fresh in his brain, he swings his bat down the middle of the couch, cracking it in half. Each swing for each kick Snoke gave to his ribs, each whip of his leather belt, each punch to the jaw. And one last swing for his parent’s car crash. A car crash that turned his life upside down. Once he falls out of his blind rage, he examines the damage. The couch is in smashed, splintered pieces. Feathers from the cushions floating down toward the floor, covering it in a snow-like fluffiness. Sweat has begun to form on his brow, on his neck, his chest heaving in exhaustion.

Ben turns around to see the damage that Rey has caused, and the sight he sees is merely incredible. She’s just standing there, hands on her hips, chest rising and falling rapidly, looking upon her own work. The television screen is nonexistent, the porcelain lamp  _ and  _ the side table it was sitting on have been smashed to smithereens, two shelves have been knocked off the wall and with them, the statues, pictures frames, and trophies that were resting safe and sound. Ben hasn’t realized how much time has passed, because he looks at the timer above the door and sees that they have five minutes left.

“We’ve still got some time.” Ben says, slightly out of breath. “Want to go in on the loveseat together?”

Rey gives him his favorite dimpled grin and nods her head. They walk over to the couch that fits two people and take turns giving a hard swung blow to it, breaking it in half, breaking it in threes...fours… until it’s a pile of wood, feathers, and fabric. The feathers are showering down over Ben and Rey, catching in their hair, falling at their feet. They stand there staring at each other, huffing and puffing, adrenaline coursing through their veins.

And almost simultaneously, like they had read each other’s minds, they start yanking off their helmets and ripping off their goggles and face masks. In no time, Ben has Rey pinned up against the wall, devouring her sweat-glistened face. For only just having her first kiss last night, she had become a quick learner and is better than some of the more experienced girls that he has kissed. Some of them use too much teeth or too much tongue, but Rey is flawless. She wraps her arms around Ben’s neck and combs her delicate fingers through his hair, a feeling that Ben thinks he will never get tired of. It sends chills down his spine as he presses his lips deeper into hers, sliding his tongue against her bottom lip and she opens immediately, almost desperately. He loves the noises she makes when he grazes his tongue against hers, when he slides it along the roof of her mouth, when he sucks on her bottom lip… and when he presses himself against her center. He longed to hear the noises she was trying desperately to control this morning when he had his mouth on her cunt, and he can’t imagine that they could be any more beautiful than the ones she’s making right now.

He slides his hand softly down her neck, over her breasts and stomach and around to her perfectly round ass. He squeezes it to his delight, eliciting a moan from Rey that he lets vibrate against his ear as he kisses that sharp jaw of hers that was driving him crazy earlier. Both of them know full well that they are in semi-public and having a full on make-out session, but neither seem to care. It must be the adrenaline and the overall need for each other that overpowers them. 

Just as Ben’s cock starts to grow painfully tight in his jeans, the timer goes off, signalling the end of their session. They detach from each other, panting, before someone walks in and discovers them. 

“To be continued.” Ben whispers as he presses his forehead against Rey’s. He needs to stop putting himself in situations that deny him of his desperate release.

\---

They both had walked in silence, hand-in-hand, back to their car; everything that just happened racing through both of their minds. Once in the car, driving back to Hux’s, Ben breaks the silence. “What were you thinking about? To get you so mad.”

“Oh… I was thinking about my foster home.” Rey responds, looking at the road and the cars in front of them. Ben looks at her and places his hand consolingly on her knee. She glances down at it and smiles. “Specifically about all of the little kids and babies coming and going, but I stayed… stayed with that monster.” Ben’s grasp on her knee tightens and he clenches down on his teeth. He doesn’t want to imagine what the fat drunkard did to her. 

“Zena was a refresher,” Rey continues. “But she couldn’t do much in the face of her husband. I was always so jealous that these kids found a home with a loving family and I was  _ stuck _ … being beaten and starved.” Rey’s voice cracks at the last words.

Ben moves his hands from her knee to take her hand and squeeze it. “Let the past die.” he says. “I know it’s easier said than done, but kill it if you have to. Just try to focus on the present… and the future. That’s all that matters.”

Rey brings his hand holding hers up to her mouth and kisses the back of it.

“Wow, three sins in one day. We are truly damned.” Ben laughs, trying to ease the tension.

“Three?” Rey asks.

“Greed this morning,” Ben smirks at her as she looks down shyly at her hands. “Wrath at the rage room, and envy… just now.”

“Oh…” Rey says, staring at the dashboard that her knees are resting against. “You said to focus on the future… where do  _ you _ see yourself in the future?”

“Well, hopefully, I would have made my way up in my job. I see myself being a well paid, successful lawyer. I’ll be free from Snoke’s grasp, having no more night terrors, and… with someone who I love and care for.” he speeds through the last part, almost hoping that Rey doesn’t process it.

They sit in silence for a little bit until it gnaws at Ben; it’s not quite the comfortable kind that they fell into on their walk to the car. “I have something fun planned for tomorrow.” he says, desperate for conversation after sharing what he just shared.

“Yeah?” Rey urges him to go on, still holding his hand.

“Armie owns a beach house not thirty minutes from here. We’re going back to his place now so we can pack some things up and head over there tonight.”

“Really?” Rey says excitedly. “I’ve never been to the beach before… but I don’t have a swim suit.”

“Well we can buy one on the way there. My treat.”

“What sin is the topic of tomorrow, then?”

“Pride.” Ben replies.

Rey sits in deep thought. “What does pride have to do with the beach?” she asks.

Ben hesitates, not wanting to tell her the real reason… not yet. “You need to take pride in your new found freedom.” he says.

But what he really wants to tell her is that she needs to take pride in  _ herself _ . He knows just from the act of crossing her arms over her bare chest this morning that she is insecure. Especially after asking last night what he saw in her. He wants her to look at herself the way he does. See that she is magnificent, a masterpiece. He wants to replace all of her insecurities with pride.

They reach Hux’s place and Ben tells Rey to go get some of her stuff together while he talks to Armie. She gives him a smile and pads off to her room.

Hux is in his office, making plans for an upcoming concert that the church is hosting. Ben knocks on the door. “Hey, got a minute?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Hux asks, leaning back in his chair.

“I was just wondering if it was okay if Rey and I spent a couple days at your dad’s beach house.”

“Just the two of you?” he asks hesitantly.

Ben nods his head. “It’s fine, though. Rey has never been to the beach and I know nuns can’t go without permission, so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity. You can tag along if you want, but you have to take a chill pill and let Rey make her own decisions. She’s a grown woman whose life choices aren’t being made  _ for _ her for once.”

Hux contemplates this. “I’m sorry I’ve been acting kind of weird about you two lately. I just don’t want either of you to get hurt if this ends badly. But…” he sighs. “You’re right. She can take care of herself. Go. Have fun... But not  _ too _ much fun.”

Ben smirks and winks at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple days at a beach house???? By themselves???? Whatever will they do???? 
> 
> Man, this is going on to chapter 12 and the p still hasn't met the v... talk about slow burn. Sorry 'bout that, but it's coming soon!
> 
> Follow my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/adamdriveruniverse/) for updates and behind the scenes of this fic!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The sand?” Rey laughs. “What’s wrong with the sand?”
> 
> “It’s rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere.” He looks over at her. “ _Everywhere._ ” he smirks.
> 
> “Well too bad that’s what the entirety of the shore is made of.” Rey chuckles.
> 
> Ben releases her hand only to slide his hand onto her thigh, traveling over to squeeze the inside of it, causing a pool of heat to bubble in Rey’s core. “Guess we’ll just have to take an extra long time cleaning each other off.” he says in a low, husky voice that makes Rey shift a bit in her seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than the others I have been recently posting. I originally intended it to be longer, but I took an unexpected detour from my outline and now I'm breaking this chapter into two chapters.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and don't forget to leave a kudos and/or comment!

It was perhaps one of the most stressful decisions Rey has ever had to make. There she stood, gawking at the wall covered in a rainbow of bathing suits. All ranging from bikinis to tankinis to one pieces. Some simple and modest, others… she wouldn’t be caught dead in with how revealing they were. Why is it that there are so many options- perhaps  _ too _ many options- for women that it’s almost overwhelming? Ben tried not to look too out of place and uncomfortable standing in the middle of the women’s bathing suit section in Target, towering over the displays and failing to blush anytime Rey picked up a bikini to inspect. He was completely unaware of the internal conflicted dialogue going on in Rey’s mind.

_ Bikinis are too revealing; my ass cheeks will be popping out of the bottoms. Well that’s going to happen no matter what bathing suit I get. Unless I get a pair of swim shorts. No… not sexy. But I’m not trying to be sexy… am I? I’m a nun, but a nun on a  _ break _. If I’m going to be sexy, now is the time to do it. But these tops will just show how much breasts I  _ don’t _ have. Get over yourself, Rey. Ben has seen you naked, so being in a sexy bathing suit is nothing. He thinks you're beautiful, perfect, exquisite. Stop doubting yourself. But these bottoms won’t hide the little pouch of my stomach if I don’t sit straight. Who cares about that though? Probably no one, it’s just me. Oh God, I’m taking too long, hurry up! _

In the end, Rey settled on a vintage looking blue and white striped bikini top with matching high waisted bottoms (her insecurities getting the best of her on that decision). But it's an improvement; there would be no way in hell she would ever go out in public wearing a bathing suit before. Nuns are still required to cover up on the very rare occasion that they’re allowed to go to the beach.

After the fifteen minutes it took for Rey to pick out an acceptable bathing suit, Ben and Rey are now on their way to the beach house, Rey oozing with excitement in the passenger seat.

“So why does Armitage own a beach house?” Rey asks after a while of sitting and listening to the radio.

“It was originally his father’s beach house.” Ben says. “But it was passed down to Armie when his father died. It’s just a nice escape from the real world, you know? We used to hang there all the time when I came home from college. All of our friends- Poe, Finn, Snap, and Corde- would come too and we would just have the best time getting wasted and skinny dipping in the ocean.”

Rey’s cheeks flush at that last bit of information. Ben notices and smiles at her from the driver’s seat, reaching over and lacing his fingers through her’s.

“Even before college,” Ben continues. “Armie would invite me for the weekend so I could get a break from my home life.”

Rey gives his hand a gentle squeeze while imagining young Ben Solo and Armitage Hux having genuine fun with each other. Playing drinking games, running around on the beach, splashing at each other in the ocean. That’s the kind of friendships she wanted growing up. The kind of fun and care-free shenanigans. But her foster parents were too strict with her. 

“What’s it like?” Rey asks curiously. “At the beach?”

“Relaxing. I remember I would always try to get the bedroom next to the back porch so I could open the door and fall asleep to the waves crashing onto the shore. The air there is just… clearer. It’s like there’s something in it that sends instant serotonin through your brain. The only thing I don’t like is the sand.”

“The sand?” Rey laughs. “What’s wrong with the sand?”

“It’s rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere.” He looks over at her. “ _ Everywhere. _ ” he smirks.

“Well too bad that’s what the entirety of the shore is made of.” Rey chuckles.

Ben releases her hand only to slide his hand onto her thigh, traveling over to squeeze the inside of it, causing a pool of heat to bubble in Rey’s core. “Guess we’ll just have to take an extra long time cleaning each other off.” he says in a low, husky voice that makes Rey shift a bit in her seat.

The rest of the car ride is... tense to say the least. The presence of Ben’s hand on Rey’s thigh never falters and his comment about  _ cleaning each other off _ sticks around to float in her brain. It becomes all too real that she is going to be in a beach house…  _ alone _ with Ben. COMPLETELY alone! And she hadn’t given it much thought, until he touched her in that way, that things between them could… escalate during this trip. And she has never felt the need for time to speed up faster in her life. It’s all she can do to stop herself from imagining what kinds of things he will do to her in the privacy of the beach house. How he’ll keep his promise to make her scream of pleasure. What noises he’ll make when he comes inside of her… Will he come inside of her? Did he bring condoms thinking that’s where this trip is going to go?

Rey turns the radio up to distract her from her thoughts that have caused the area between her thighs to dampen… the area that Ben’s hand is dangerously close to. Rey had changed into a flowy summer dress more suitable for the beach back at Armitage’s, and it would be all too easy for Ben to slip his fingers up  _ just _ a little bit and discover what kinds of things have been on her mind.

Nevertheless, Ben notices Rey turning up the music, her stiff posture and concentrated face. She knows that he has noticed because of the way that his pointer finger starts to draw lazy circles on the exposed bare skin of her thigh, sending electric currents throughout her body.

“What’s the matter, Rey?” he teases all too innocently. “Is this making you  _ uncomfortable _ ? I can stop if you want.”

“No!” the word comes too quickly out of Rey’s mouth and Ben laughs, drawing the circle higher and  _ higher _ . 

Rey’s mind is racing.  _ Oh my god, is he actually doing this right now? In the car? While he’s driving? _

As if it’s out of instinct, Rey slides a bit down in her seat, granting Ben full access to hike up the hem of her dress and slip his fingers underneath the soft lace of her underwear. As he strokes through her wet fold, they both let a moan of approval.

“Looks like someone’s thoughts have been up to no good. Let’s do something about that, shall we?”

Rey gives him an eager nod as she bites her bottom lip. 

“Now,” he says through carefully controlled breaths. “I won’t be able to fuck you with my fingers and play with that pretty little clit of yours from this position, so I’m going to need you to handle that last bit yourself. You think you can do that for me?” He teases her entrance and Rey let’s a out a needy  _ mhm _ . “That’s my good girl.” he purrs as he slides in his pointer  _ and _ middle finger at the same time.

Rey lets out a surprised moan as his fingers stretch her out and pump in and out of her with great desire. She slips her own fingers into her underwear to rub needy circles on her clit.

“Slower, baby.” he crooks his fingers upward as his pumps steady. Rey slows down her own movements, gripping the handle just above the passenger’s side window with her other hand. “God I wish I weren’t driving right now so I could have a full view of you. So I could sit you on my cock and fuck you properly.” Rey lets out a whine at his words, closing her eyes and picturing herself bouncing on his lap while  _ his  _ thumb rubs haphazard circles on the sensitive bundle of nerves between her legs. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Rey.” he rasps.

“It feels…” he quickens his pace, the slick sound of his fingers thrusting against her inner walls fills the car. “ _ So _ good.” she says. “I can- _ ah _ … I can feel it all throughout my body.” her breaths grow needier and needier as she starts to grind against his hand, meeting his pumps. Her fingers rub harder, needing that sweet feeling of release that she felt this morning. “I want more.” she moans. “I want to feel you-” Ben’s fingers are going faster, as if he’s rewarding her for each word that comes out of her mouth. “I want to feel you inside of me.” she finishes breathily.

“Shit, Rey. You’re killing me.” he groans out adjusting himself in his seat, trying his best to keep his eyes on the road. Luckily, they’re on the highway with not a lot of cars around, so he has shifted the car into cruise control.

Rey thrusts her hips in time with Ben’s fingers and she can feel it in her core that she is close to release. Ben seems to notice as well with his unfaltering movements and sweet praise. 

“Oh, god,  _ Ben _ .” Rey moans out. “I’m gonna come.”

“Go on. Come for me, baby.” he says through clenched teeth.

And just like that, as if she was waiting for his approval, she comes around his fingers, rubbing her clit through her orgasm until it becomes an oversensitive bundle of nerves. Ben waits until she relaxes back in her seat and lets go of the handle above the window, panting, to pull his fingers out of her. “God, Rey, I cannot tell you how amazing you are.”

Rey looks at him from the side of her eye and smiles a devilish smile. “Why tell me when I can just show you?”

“What do you-” but before Ben can finish his question, Rey’s hands are unbuttoning his jeans and palming his aching bulge through his boxers. He releases a noise from the back of his throat at the much needed pressure and swerves a bit in his lane as his head leans back against the headrest of his seat. “This- this isn’t very safe.” he grits out.

Rey licks up the middle of his exposed neck, over his Adam’s apple, and ends it with a slight nip at his jaw. “You can always pull over if you get too distracted.” she whispers in his ear. He visibly shudders.

She doesn’t know where this new-found bravery is coming from, but she finds that she doesn’t mind it. In fact, she might even love this feeling. Seeing his reaction to what she’s doing to him is almost… empowering. Rey reaches inside his boxers and realizes that she has never seen a male’s penis in real life. The only thing that she has been exposed to is when she found some porn on her older foster brother’s computer when she was thirteen. It was of a woman with very full lips giving a blowjob to a steroid-pumped man. Rey pulls that memory from the  _ very _ hidden part of her brain as she pulls Ben’s cock out of his underwear. Her grip makes him jolt a little bit.

The sheer size of him makes it feel like the breath has been knocked out of her. He is warm and red,  _ extremely _ erect and Rey gazes in awe at the vein that protrudes along his shaft. “Is… does it hurt?” Rey asks.

“It’s a bit uncomfortable, yes.” Ben says, his voice tight.

And without even thinking, Rey moves her seatbelt behind her back, leans down over his lap, and traces that vein running up his shaft with her tongue. Ben releases a staggered breath as he pays extra attention on keeping his eyes on the road. Rey doesn’t think he’ll last long before he has to pull over. A bead of precum appears at the tip of his cock and Rey decides to wipe at it with the pad of her thumb. Ben moans and curses under his breath. 

“Shit, Rey have you ever done this before?” he grunts out.

“Nope.” Rey says with an extra  _ pop _ at the end. She replaces her thumb at the tip of his cock with her tongue, licking up his precum and leaving an open mouthed kiss in its wake.

“H-how do you know how to do this?”

“Found some porn on my foster brother’s computer once.” Rey admits shamelessly.

She wraps her lips around the head of him and starts to sink down his considerable length. She knows she won’t be able to fit all of him in her mouth, but after making her come  _ twice _ in one day, Rey wants him to feel as amazing as she did. And she will take him until her eyes are watering.

“ _ Fuck _ .” Ben says and he quickly turns on his blinker and pulls off the side of the road. Putting the car in park, he cards his fingers through Rey’s hair as she bobs her head up and down him, swirling her tongue to collect the precum at his head. “Not as innocent as I thought.” he groans as his hips jerk up a little. Rey gags a bit even as a new throbbing sensation makes itself known in her cunt. “Sorry.” Ben says, cheeks flushing a bit as Rey peeks up at him.

She lets go of his cock with a slick  _ pop _ and unbuckles her belt, crawling onto his lap. “Don’t apologize.” she says flatly, looking right into his eyes. His cock twitches between them at the demand and Rey wraps her hand around it, but he’s so big that her fingers don’t even wrap all the way around him. Eyeing his plump lips, she leans over to the side of his chair and pulls the lever that moves the chair back to make more room for her. Then she kisses him…  _ hungrily _ . Totally skipping the closed-lipped kiss and going straight for shoving her tongue down his throat. His hands fly up into her hair as she starts to move her fist up and down his cock eagerly wanting him to come. Wanting to reward him for making her feel so blissed out and amazing. His moans vibrate into her mouth as his hips jerk into her closed hand in desperate need of release. She slides her tongue against his, across the roof of his mouth until she’s sucking on his bottom lip like he likes to do to her, all while he thrusts into her hand. Rey swallows every gasp, every groan, every whimper that escapes his mouth, feeding her own pleasure.

“I want you to come in mouth.” Rey whispers along Ben’s neck, trailing kisses and lovebites on her way down to kneel between his spread legs, still fucking him with her hand. “Come for me, Ben.”

Ben bites his lips and moans out, gripping the handle of the door with one hand and fisting her hair in the other, never breaking eye contact as her tiny little hand continues to move up and down his throbbing, twitching cock. It’s the hottest thing Rey has ever seen.

“I want to taste you like you tasted me. I want to feel your cock twitch as you shoot your come in my mouth and I swallow it like a good girl.” As Rey says these words, she can hardly recognize her own voice dripping in ecstasy. She has never imagined that she would say such nasty, vile things, but it seems that Ben is thoroughly enjoying every second of it. 

“Fuck, Rey.” He grunts with staggering thrusts into her fist. “I’m… so close. I- I’m gonna…”

And just then, Rey opens her mouth as Ben spills into her. It’s not what she expected at all. He’s warm and sweet. And as she looks up at him as he fucks her hand through his orgasm, it’s the most beautiful sight. His eyes are shut, his head leaning back against the seat, his sharp jaw slack, his mouth open, releasing a pleasurable moan that she can feel in her clit.

She closes her mouth and swallows as he comes down, looking at her kneeling before him. There’s still some come dripping down his half hard cock, so Rey licks him clean, eliciting a few hisses from Ben.

“That was fucking amazing.” He purrs as she straddles his waist again and kisses him ferociously.

She just made a man climax for the first time. She just made  _ Ben _ climax. And she’s eager to do it again. “Lets get to that beach house.” Rey whispers against his mouth.

She reluctantly moves to sit back down in the passenger’s seat as Ben tucks himself back into his underwear and buttons his jeans. “Yes, ma’am.” he says eagerly, merging back onto the road and nearly speeding the rest of the way.

\---

It’s unlike anything Rey was imagining. The beach house sits on its own  _ private _ beach. No neighbors, no screaming kids, no drunk teenagers. Complete and utter privacy. It must cost a fortune to keep this thing. It’s a pastel faded blue, three stories, housing a white wrap-around deck. The front faces a “U” shaped driveway with a colorful garden in the center, and the back faces the beach, a wooden walkway leading straight to the shore. Rey is in awe as she walks through the house. She’s greeted by a long hallway on the left that contains one of many guest bedrooms, and a polished wooden staircase to the right that she assumes leads to the other bedrooms and the game room that Ben was telling her about after their… break from driving.

She walks down the hallway and into a merged kitchen, dining room, and living room. The kitchen to the left is completely open, white marble countertops lining the wall with matching cupboards hanging above them. A cute island is in the middle, acting as a separation of the kitchen and the living room to the right. A large, tan sectional in the shape of a squared “U” sits facing a large television and a white rustic entertainment system. Near the back wall is a long, thin bar-style dining table with bar chairs that match the rustic theme. The back wall isn’t really a wall at all, but one big window with a sliding glass door in the middle. And, even though the sun has set, Rey can see the dark, beautiful ocean, the moon reflecting on the ripples of the waves giving it a mystical, entrancing look. 

Ben leads her to what she can only guess is his favorite bedroom he mentioned earlier. The queen sized mattress is situated on the center of the wall, a tan, blue, and white comforter tucked neatly on it. A master bathroom sits through the door to the right and holds a  _ very _ large, very roomy jacuzzi bathtub. They both set their bags down on the floor before retiring to the back porch through another sliding glass door that makes up the left wall of the bedroom.

Rey is welcomed by the cool, salty sea breeze and the soothing sound of the waves calmly hugging the shore. There is absolutely no one on the beach. It’s just them. Ben and Rey sitting on the porch swing. Rey tucked under Ben’s arm as he rocks them back and forth steadily, running his fingers softly up and down her arm. It's the most relaxed Rey has ever felt. It’s the  _ happiest _ Rey has ever felt. And as she sits there, nice and warm against Ben’s body, his arm wrapped around her, listening to the ocean’s music, she slowly closes her eyes and drifts peacefully into sleep.

\---

Ben feels like he’s living the life he has always wanted. Peaceful, happy, the girl of his dreams sleeping soundly while wrapped in his arms. She looks so tranquil like this. So innocent and angelic. Although he has the endless, wondrous ocean in front of him, Rey is the only thing that he can’t take his eyes off of. After what they did in the car on the way here, after what  _ she _ did… how can he let her go?

As carefully as he can, he gets up from the swing, cradelling Rey in his arms. Tucking an arm under her knees and supporting her back with his other arm, he bridal carries her back to their room that they’ll be sharing. She barely stirs as he lays her down gently on the bed and pulls the covers over her. He quietly pads over to the other side of the bed and slips under the covers, turning over to wrap his arms around Rey once more. She unconsciously nestles back into him and he gives her a light kiss on her temple.

“Good night, Rey.” he whispers.

\---

Rey awakes in an unfamiliar bed and it takes a couple seconds to remember where she is. It takes her less time to realize what had woken her up. Ben is jerking in his sleep, breathing heavy, his face worried. He’s lying on his stomach, covers thrown off of him, bare back visible thanks to the light peeking through the crack of the bathroom door. Rey’s hands fly up to stifle the gasp that escapes her mouth. All over Ben’s back are scars of varying shapes and sizes. She has to fight the tears pooling in her eyes and the lump in the back of her throat as her gaze wanders over his side to the exposed area right underneath his ribcage where the biggest scar is, no doubt from a surgery, but could that surgery have been avoided if Ben hadn’t lived with such an abusive man? Rey has a new, deep hatred for this Snoke who haunts Ben’s nightmares. Who has left his mark  _ repeatedly _ on a poor innocent boy.

Snapping back into reality and realizing that Ben is still trapped in his nightmares, now crying out for someone to stop and pleading for help. Rey can’t help the tears that stroll down her cheek as she combs her fingers soothingly through Ben’s hair and peppers his face with kisses. She shushes him, hoping that he’ll hear her.

“It’s okay.” Rey whispers. “I’m here. You’re safe.”

Although he doesn’t fully wake up, he calms down. His breath steadying and turning more serene, his facial features relaxing, his back becoming less tense as if he’s not expecting to be striked down anymore. He repositions himself to cradle Rey in his arms. She lays her head down on his chest, listening to his heartbeat go back to normal.

“Thank you.” he mumbles in his sleep.

She gives his chest a gentle kiss as she lets the steady sound of his breathing pull her back into an undisturbed slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for some beachy fun ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I had a dream about you last night.” Ben whispers.
> 
> “Did you now?” Rey questions as Ben feasts on her neck, making her back arch just the slightest as her core starts to tingle.
> 
> “After you woke me from my nightmare, I fell back to sleep,” he breathes into her ear. “Your voice and smell still lingered in my senses. I dreamt that instead of falling back to sleep, I fucked you into that mattress in there.” he points toward the bedroom door as an approving whine escapes Rey’s mouth.
> 
> “Then why don’t you?” she nearly whispers.
> 
> Ben inhales shakily and lightly kisses the pad of her thumb that is softly resting against the corner of his mouth. “Later.” he whispers back. “Food’s getting cold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of fluffy and horny Reylo. Hope ya'll enjoy ;)

The salty, cool sea air drifts into the bedroom from the open door, bringing with it the sound of the morning tide coming in. Seagulls chirp happily as Rey sits up in bed, rubbing her tired eyes, the mouthwatering smell of pancakes overpowering the beachy breeze. Ben is absent from her side and she can only guess that the delicious smell coming from the kitchen is his doing. Getting up out of bed, Rey walks out of the bedroom to see Ben flipping pancakes, wearing just his swim trunks.

“We’re going down to the beach right after breakfast.” he says once she makes her way over to the island of counters.

He places the finished pancakes in a stack on a large plate and then immediately turns over to Rey, a huge smile on his face. He places his hands gently on her hips as he ghosts his lips over the slope of her neck. “Good morning.” he says seductively.

“Good morning.” Rey says back, lifting his face to hers and catching his lips in a sweet kiss.

Ben kisses her back, his hands exploring her back side, roaming down to her thighs and unexpectedly hoisting her up to sit on the cold marble top of the island. Standing in between her legs, Ben whispers, “I had a dream about you last night.” 

“Did you now?” Rey questions as Ben feasts on her neck, making her back arch just the slightest as her core starts to tingle.

“After you woke me from my nightmare, I fell back to sleep,” he breathes into her ear. “Your voice and smell still lingered in my senses. I dreamt that instead of falling back to sleep, I fucked you into that mattress in there.” he points toward the bedroom door as an approving whine escapes Rey’s mouth. She has never been so sexually charged before.

Rey leans back to look up at Ben, his eyes glowing amber in the sunlight shining through the glass doors. He looks happier than the first time she saw him at the church. Healthier. The bags under his eyes aren’t as prominent anymore and some color has snuck its way into his cheeks. She traces her thumb along his bottom lip as he looks down at her, a predatory look glistening in his eyes as if he has just spotted his prey and he’s going to pounce.

“Then why don’t you?” she nearly whispers. “Fuck me into that mattress, that is.”

Ben inhales shakily and lightly kisses the pad of her thumb that is softly resting against the corner of his mouth. “Later.” he whispers back. “Food’s getting cold.”

He turns around to make them both a plate, leaving Rey sitting on the island, mouth slightly agape as she scoffs at him and jumps down. That bastard loves teasing her with his nasty words and seductive lips. But all sense of annoyance simmers down once his bare back is turned to her and she has a better view of the constellation of beauty marks and scars. It seems like whipping Ben with a belt, or something of the like, was Snoke’s favorite form of punishment. Unkar never used a belt on Rey; his specialty was his meaty fists. 

Ben turns around, a plate in each hand, and Rey tries to look like she wasn’t just staring at the remnants of a past he wants desperately to forget. But she must not have done a good job hiding it, because Ben’s face softens and he sighs.

“Snoke had a pretty powerful swing.” he says, walking over to the dining room table and setting the plates down along with some syrup and utensils. It’s the first time Ben is openly talking about his past, so Rey lets him, making sure not to press for any information that he isn’t comfortable sharing. She walks over to the table and sits down across from him. 

“This one,” he points to the biggest scar that Rey had noticed last night resting below the side of his ribcage. “is from the beating that haunts my dreams. He kicked me so hard over and over again that I was bleeding internally. I had to have surgery.”

Rey is silent, just staring at Ben, her eyes watery and fists tight in her lap. “I really appreciate it.” he continues. “You waking me up from that… that torture. It’s like I can still feel it all these years. Like even when I’m asleep, I’m not safe. Until I’m reminded that you’re here. And all of that is over. You comfort me, Rey. In a way no one else has been able to. And I know that it may seem like we’re moving too fast, but I feel like after all the time we’ve spent together this week, and the countless hours we’ve spent talking and getting to know each other… You make me feel like I don’t need to constantly be looking over my shoulder. I feel safer when you’re lying next me.”

Rey’s heart warms at Ben’s sudden show of vulnerability and she smiles softly at him. “I spent years being pushed, punched, and throttled by Unkar.” she chokes out. “And I have spent years fighting back those memories. I think denial was my way of coping. I guess you could call it ‘changing the narrative’. Anytime a memory of my past abuse resurfaces, I change the outcome in my mind. So that means the time Unkar came home drunk and beat me until I had a black eye didn’t actually end that way. Instead, I tell myself he came home drunk, alternatively punched a wall, and then passed out on the couch. I don’t know if it’s the healthiest way of thinking about it, but it helped stop my nightmares. Maybe you could do something similar.”

A tear has unknowingly slipped down Rey’s cheek, and Ben leans over the table to kiss it away. He leans his forehead against her own and looks into her eyes. “You never fail to amaze me.” he whispers.

Rey laughs half heartedly and kisses him softly. “Let’s eat.” she whispers back.

\---

Ben was right, yesterday, when he said that the sand gets everywhere. They have brought with them an extra large beach towel that fits them both, and a bag filled with sunscreen, water bottles, and little snacks. The minute they sit down on the towel, Rey finds herself dusting some sand out of Ben’s soft hair. He smiles at her as she does so; that crooked toothed, deep dimpled smile that she loves so much. But Rey finds that the other half of his statement is false. The sand isn’t rough and irritating. It’s rather smooth and entrancing when you pick up a handful and let the little particles rain down through your fingers.

After their little heart-to-heart session this morning before breakfast, something has changed between them. Rey can’t really put her finger on what it is, but it feels… gentle and warm. Like they have a new appreciation towards one another. It was the first time that Ben really opened up about the past abuse that he suffered through, which showed Rey that he really trusted her. And he had admitted that he feels better when she’s around… that he feels safer. It only makes what she feels about him stronger because she feels the same way. She has never told anyone about what Unkar did to her, besides Armitage, and she thinks that it’s because people will pity her. And she doesn’t want anyone’s pity. She wants someone to understand. Someone to vent to who won’t look at her like she’s a defenseless child. And Ben had done exactly that this morning. When he said that she never fails to amaze him. He sees her as a strong person who has gone through the unimaginable at a young age. Much like him. 

“Hey, you okay?” Ben places a hand on Rey’s shoulder, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, why?” Rey asks, still playing with the sand and letting it tickle her fingers as it slips through them.

“You just looked like you were deep in thought. I don’t think playing with sand requires that much attention.” he chuckles.

“Oh bugger off!” Rey laughs at him, throwing the sand in his direction.

He quickly moves out of the way and looks at her with a grin that screams _pay back’s a bitch._ Within seconds, Ben is on top of her, pinning her arms against the towel, sand pooling in around her hair. His legs straddling her waist, he dips his head down and slants his lips against hers. “You're going to regret doing that.” he whispers against her cheek.

“What? Are you going to punish me?” Rey teases.

Ben bites his lips as a flame ignites in his eyes. “Oh you have no idea.” he purrs.

Letting go of one of her wrists, he reaches over to the bag that they packed and fishes out the sun screen. Rey is a little confused on how sunscreen is a punishment, but she’s excited nevertheless. She has never been so openly intimate with anyone before. Even though there is no one around, they’re still outdoors where anyone can wander by and see the show.

Ben pours a liberal amount of sunscreen in the palm of his hand after he lets go of Rey’s other wrist, leaving her free only to grab her arm and start rubbing in the cold sunscreen. His firm hands work up and down each of her arms, massaging in the sunblock like lotion. He reaches her shoulders and neck, sending a shiver throughout her body. Still straddling her waist, his hands drift down in between the exposed area of her breasts.

“You have no idea how much you drive me crazy in this little bathing suit.” he growls, slipping a hand underneath the padding of Rey’s bikini top. His finger grazes her pebbling nipple and her back arches off the soft sand slightly. Ben smirks down at her as his hands travel down to her semi-exposed stomach. Her high waisted bottoms go up just above her belly button.

Rey can feel her cheeks flush at his compliment. She was actually feeling a bit insecure in her little get-up when she first slipped into it, but Ben is making her feel like the sexiest woman ever with the way his eyes are eating up her every particle. But she seems to be holding herself together… until he pours more sunscreen in his hands, unstraddles her waist, and kneels in between her spread legs. He starts out massaging her ankles, slowly making his way up her calves and over her knees. She almost loses it when his hand slides up the smooth skin of her thighs, thoroughly rubbing in the sunscreen, his fingers softly moving over the curve of her inner thigh, a sigh escaping her lips when he traces his mouth in the wake of where his hand had just been.

“Roll over.” he softly demands. “I need to do your back.”

Rey obeys and she can feel him once again straddling her waist once she has made herself comfortable on her stomach. This time, he slowly unties the back of her top and pours the sunscreen directly onto her back. The contrast between the cold liquid and the blazing sun beating down on them is nice and sends goosebumps throughout Rey’s body. Ben massages the sunscreen into the open plane of her back, focusing on a particular knot in her neck, working his gloriously strong fingers to smoothen it out. Rey lets out a satisfying moan and Ben slows his movements.

“If you keep making noises like that, I’ll fuck you right here and now. I don’t care if anyone walks by.”

Rey bites back a smile and laughs to herself, thinking it’s the best feeling to have that much power over someone else’s emotions.

Once Ben is done, he places a light kiss on Rey’s back, right between her shoulder blades, ties her bathing suit back up, and crawls off of her to let her roll back over. She sits up and looks at him, taking the sunscreen out of his hands and planting herself right in front of him. 

“I didn’t know applying sunscreen could be such a turn on.” she jokes as she pours some in the palm of her hand.

“Oh, you have much still to learn.” Ben says seductively, eyeing Rey’s hands as she rubs them together, spreading the sunscreen.

She smiles up at him as she hesitates, her lotioned hands just inches away from his bare chest. Ben wraps his hand around her wrist and places her hand on his chest for her, just above his heart. She can feel it pounding beneath his hard muscle. His skin is warm and smooth, her tiny hands roaming over and discovering every muscle on his chiseled stomach, making her heart leap in her chest. Her mouth goes dry as she makes her way back up and over his pecs to massage his shoulders, his firm biceps that make her hands look like a child’s, his veiny forearms… oh how they make her weak. 

Ben’s eyes don’t leave her face as she explores every inch of his upper body, in complete awe of what masterpiece sits before her. She hesitates again as she realizes she’s done with his front and will have to do his back. His _scarred_ back.

“Um… you can turn around.” she says quietly.

He obeys and turns around so all Rey sees is beauty marks and scars. She slowly pours some sunscreen in her palm and gently applies it over the scars, their bumps and roughness a far cry from the smoothness of Ben’s chest.

“Do they hurt?” Rey nearly whispers.

“Not anymore.” Ben answers with a shake of his head.

Once Rey is finished and has thoroughly rubbed the sunscreen in his back, she leans into him, placing a feather light kiss to the back of his neck. He leans into her touch, surrendering to her. She peppers kisses over his shoulder blades and over every scar that he has. As if she’s covering them up, dismissing them of the bad memories that they bring and replacing them with memories of this moment. Here and now.

Ben turns his body toward her, looking down at her with wonder clouding his eyes. Cupping her cheek in his palm, the sweet, coconut scent of sunscreen filling her senses, he leans in and kisses her. But it’s different this time. There’s more emotion behind this one. Like he’s pouring his appreciation and admiration into her and she accepts it greedily.

And before Rey can say anything else, Ben scoops her up in his arms and _sprints_ for the ocean. Rey squeals and clings to his neck, protesting that he put her down. But he only laughs and goes full speed ahead, splashing into the calm waves, the cold water spraying onto Rey as she shrieks.

“Oh my god why is it _so cold_?!” she exclaims, wrapping her arms securely around Ben’s neck.

He chuckles and holds her until he’s waist deep in the water, her bare back just centimeters away from the surface. “It’s not _that_ bad.” he says, tipping her teasingly backwards like he's going to drop her in. 

“Ben! Ben no! Oh my god please!” Rey screams, but Ben only laughs his boyish laugh, enjoying every second of it. 

“You’re going to have to get in sooner or later. Either willingly or unwillingly.”

“You’re an asshole.” Rey deadpans, not meaning one word, and she can tell Ben knows it by the glimmer in his eyes.

He gives her that shit-eating grin of his and cocks his eyebrow. Rey wonders what’s going on inside that beautiful head of his, but she doesn’t have time to come up with possibilities because before she can ask, Ben falls backward in the water… bringing Rey with him.

The cold hits her like a thousand pins and needles, knocking the breath out of her. Ben’s arms have released her so she shoots back up to the surface, gasping, rubbing the water out of her eyes, and slicking her wet hair back out of her face. Ben pops up not long after her, laughing his ass off. It’s hard to stay mad at him when he looks like _that_. Droplets of water sliding down his chest, his wet hair curling at the ends, exposing those adorably large ears of his. Rey laughs too, tackling him. He catches her and holds her against him, her legs wrapped around his waist, half in the water.

“That was a dick move.” Rey says to him.

Ben’s hands squeeze her ass in response. “Better be careful with that dirty mouth of yours.” he mumbles.

“What’re you going to do about it?” Rey pushes.

Ben scoffs, biting his lip. He gives her a look. Rey knows that look. She tries to scramble off of him, but his grip only tightens.

“Ben, I swear to God if you-” she starts to threaten but before she can finish, under the water they go again. Only this time Ben doesn’t let go.

Rey is prepared for it this time, so she quickly holds her breath and braces herself to be submerged in the cold water again. But it’s not as cold as the first time she went under. It seems like she’s adjusting to the temperature. It’s actually quite a surreal feeling to be surrounded by nothing but water. Like a floating sensation, Rey’s hair fanning out all around her. 

Ben pulls them both up to the surface and shakes his head, hitting Rey in the face with the water that flies off of his hair.

“Jerk.” she mumbles to him.

“Whatever.” he laughs, leaning in to kiss her.

She kisses him back, unhooking her legs around his waist, letting her feet fall to the unexpectedly lumpy ocean floor. The wet sand makes her sink a bit, her feet becoming engulfed in sea shells. She doesn’t pay much attention to the weird feeling of it, through. Because all she can think about is Ben’s hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him. They’re chest-to-chest now, Rey wrapping her arms around his neck that is bent down to meet her height. A small wave gently crashes into them, making them tumble back a bit, laughing through their kiss.

That’s when Rey decides to pay him back for pulling her under _twice_ by pulling back suddenly and splashing him right in the face. He stands there, gobsmacked, fighting a smile. Rey giggles and takes a couple steps back, going deeper in the water, waiting for his inevitable retaliation.

“That’s right, kid.” he chuckles, eyeing her up and down. “You know you’re in deep shit now.”

Rey screams as he jumps towards her, splashing him with as much water as she can muster. She turns to run, but running in water is _hard_. He grabs her from behind wrapping his arms around her stomach and lifting her up. She wiggles her limbs, trying to get free of his grasp, failing to hold back her laughter as he blows raspberries on her neck.

“Stop, Ben! That tickles!” she pleads, still trying and failing to escape his strong hold on her.

“So you’re ticklish.” he says slyly. “That’s good to know.”

She gets free and turns to face him. “I am _not_ ticklish.” she protests, regretting giving him such sensitive information.

He chuckles in an evil manner. “Whatever you say.” 

They spend the next fifteen minutes or so splashing at each other, trying to stay upright- and most of the time failing- anytime a wave comes in, seeing who can hold their breath the longest, etc. It’s the most fun Rey has had in a long time. Except when a fish swims against her ankles causing her to let out a horrified shriek, which, in turn, causes Ben to go into a fit of laughter. 

The rest of the day consists of collecting cool seashells that they discover on the shore, building sandcastles, taking turns burying each other in the sand- which Ben _hated_ but Rey got a good laugh out of it- chasing each other around on the beach, and swimming some more in the ocean.

Once they're both exhausted and out of breath, they head back to lay out on the beach towel to dry off and bathe in the summer sun. The heat feels good on Rey’s exposed skin, warming her head to toe. She feels completely and utterly relaxed… until she senses a pair of eyes staring at her. She peeks her eyes open to find Ben resting on his side, head propped up on his hand, gazing at Rey.

“What?” she asks self consciously.

“You look like a sun goddess.” Ben says simply.

Rey playfully hits his shoulder. “Shut up.” 

“No, it’s true.” he says. “With your chestnut hair and cute little freckles and tanned skin. You’re so beautiful and you need to stop being so insecure.”

Rey props herself up on her elbows and glares at him. He's right, though. She is insecure. But the more time she spends with Ben, the way he looks at her and showers her with compliments, she’s starting to wonder why she’s so insecure. If Ben thinks these things of her, that she’s beautiful, perfect, exquisite, and so on, then why doesn’t she believe it herself?

She leans over to brush a strand of hair out of Ben’s face, smiling faintly, feeling ashamed of being mad at him for trying to get her to be more confident. To be more… _prideful_.

The lightbulb in her brain turns on and understanding dawns on her face. “So that’s what your goal was this trip.” Rey says.

Ben looks at her confused.

“Not to take pride in my new found freedom,” she clarifies. “but to take pride in _myself_. To be prideful in who I am.”

Ben lies back down, resting an arm behind his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” he says sarcastically.

“You sly bastard!” Rey exclaims crawling on top of him and leaning on her forearms against his chest. “We came all the way to the beach just for you to tell me to stop being insecure.”

“Do you regret it?” he asks, tracing Rey’s cheekbone with his thumb.

Rey studies his face. “Of course not. This is the most fun I’ve had in… _forever_.”

It’s all worth it to see his smile stretch from ear to ear. “Well I’m glad to hear that.” he whispers.

Rey leaves a tiny little kiss on the tip of Ben’s nose and lays her head on his chest. She feels like she can become drunk off of the way he smells, the way he feels beneath her, the way his chest slowly rises and falls along with the beat of his heart, the way his fingers comb through her hair. She hasn’t realized how long they’ve actually spent on the beach until the sun starts to set in the horizon. It’s one of the most beautiful sights she has ever seen. The blood orange sun sinking into the blue water, casting colors of pink, purple, and orange into the sky to merge with the white wispy clouds. She wants to stay here forever. Watching the sunset, feeling the cold breeze come off of the ocean to caress her face, wrapped in Ben’s snug arms. 

“It’s getting late.” Ben says. “You wanna head back to the house and eat?”

She looks up at him. “I could use some food.”

He smirks at her. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about food.”

\---

Ben’s lips are crashing into Rey’s the second they walk through the back sliding door of the beach house. It’s passionate and hungry; like he’s starving for her. He picks her up and she wraps her legs around his middle as he leans her up against the wall. She moans into his mouth as he simply devours her, grinding against her, pushing her up against the wall even more. Rey’s heart is beating like a hummingbird’s as each grind against Ben’s hardness sends a shock of pleasure in her clit. This is it. It’s finally happening. No distractions or interruptions. They are completely alone.

The heels of Rey’s feet dig into Ben’s back side as he moves down to her neck, licking and sucking and biting. She cants her hips, rubbing against Ben even more. He lets out a growl and quickly carries her to the bedroom, both of them not being able to wait any longer.

They both strip off their bathing suits, throwing them in a forgotten pile on the floor. Ben lays Rey down gently on the bed and crawls over, feasting on her lips some more. The throbbing in Rey’s clit is becoming almost unbearable and she _needs_ release. She needs Ben inside her. But Ben has other ideas. He trails sloppy, open mouthed kisses down her chest, over her stomach, until he reaches her wet center.

“Want you to come first,” he says slightly out of breath. “But this time I want you to come on my tongue.” He rolls over and lays down on his back, and Rey looks at him confused. He taps his lips with his pointer finger. “Sit right here.” 

Rey shoots up. “What?”

“I want you to ride my face, Rey.”

“Ride… your face?” she’s still confused. She has never heard of such a thing before.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” he reassures her. “Just sit on my mouth.”

Rey hesitantly crawls over to him, and once he nods at her, silently telling her that it’s okay, she straddles his face, not directly sitting on him yet. She doesn’t know what he’s planning on doing, but it can’t be that bad… can it?

Ben’s hands find her waist and pulls her down more to where he can lick through her wet folds. Rey’s whole body shudders, and she has to brace herself by placing her hands on the headboard to keep steady. That’s when Ben’s tongue teases at her entrance and she whines as that glorious nose rubs against her clit. She unconsciously grinds against him, his tongue slipping into her entrance and exploring her in ways she didn’t know tongues could explore. Ben was right. She has much still to learn.

He moans against her as she grinds some more, the vibration reverberating in her clit. His tongue is doing wondrous things, and she can feel its effects all throughout her body. She knows she’s not going to last long. She has been on edge since this morning when they made out on the kitchen counter.

Rey rides Ben’s face, hands clutching the headboard so hard that her knuckles are turning white, until he’s eating her out all the way through her spasming orgasm. She moves off of him and slumps against the headboard.

“I had no idea that was a thing.” she pants.

Ben sits up, licking her off of his lips, eyes wide as he turns to her and yanks her further down the bed. Rey yelps and laughs as he crawls over her. “You are the most amazing creature in existence.” he says, kissing her. Slipping his tongue in her mouth so she can taste herself on him. 

“I-I want you.” she whispers. “I want to feel you inside me.”

Ben’s cock twitches as he reaches over to the side table and fishes a condom out of the drawer. “Don’t worry, baby.” he purrs. “I’ll take care of you.”

He leans back so he can roll the condom down the length of his cock and Rey props herself up on her elbows, eyes wide. “Is…” she gulps. “Is it going to fit?”

Ben chuckles and looks at her the way he did this morning. Like he’s the predator and she’s his delicious prey sitting so vulnerable in front of him. “I’ll make it fit.” he all but growls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, don't you just hate cliffhangers?!
> 
> Thanks for reading and please don't forget to leave a kudos and/or comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> Also, follow my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/adamdriveruniverse/) for updates and behind the scenes of this fic!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s heart flutters in her chest while simultaneously all of her anxieties dissipate. Although there is still that feeling of first time nervousness, it’s not as strong as it was just a couple seconds ago. She leans in to fill the gap between her and Ben and kisses his soft lips. Not just a kiss of appreciation and gratitude, but a kiss of overwhelming passion. She feels different around him. Free and divine and wholeheartedly happy.
> 
> Ben graciously accepts her kiss, slanting his mouth against her’s, slowly escalating it by caressing her tongue with his. Carefully, he leans her back onto the mattress, feasting on her lips. His whole being is just so large and wide that he completely covers her; like Rey’s own personal roof.
> 
> She hooks her legs around his waist as her arms wrap around his neck. Briefly, he pulls away from her. “Are you sure this is alright?” he breathes.
> 
> “Yes.” Rey nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen and non-binaries... this is the moment you've been waiting for ;)
> 
> (Aka, lots of smut ahead)

Laying down completely exposed in the dimly lit bedroom, the light of the moon reflecting on the ocean shining in through the windows, the sounds of the waves crashing onto the shore and Ben and Rey’s shared soft breaths are the only ones that fill the room. Ben is a spectacle to watch; the simplest act is entrancing and arousing. His veiny, muscular forearms lead to strong sculpted hands that roll the condom slowly down the generous length of his cock; it’s slightly red and already seeping a bit of precum. Although this is the second time Rey has seen it, it seems different in this context. Larger and thicker than she remembered. And with her legs spread before Ben, she comes to the realization that  _ that _ enormous thing is going to be  _ inside _ of her- her tiny hole. A sense of nervousness spreads throughout her body. She has only done this once before, and even then, from what she remembers, she just laid there and did nothing. The kid was more of a two pump chump. It was basically over before it started. So, in a way, this is her first actual time.

Rey’s heart hammers in her chest and a flush of red spreads over her cheeks and ears. Her breath becomes more ragged as her anxiety kicks into overdrive. She studies Ben kneeling between her legs, his thighs like long and smooth tree trunks. His broad shoulders leading to sinewy arms, his chiseled chest and abs are like something out of a dream… he slightly resembles those buff actors in superhero movies. He’s too good to be true. But he is true, and he’s kneeling over Rey, his erect cock waiting for an invitation.

“Are you okay?” Ben asks, voice riddled with a sweetness that Rey has never heard in another man’s voice. “You’re shaking.” he takes her hand and soothingly rubs his thumb over her knuckles.

Rey sits up and Ben scoots backwards a bit to give her room, looking at her through worried eyes. “It’s just… this is my first  _ real _ time, you know?”

Ben nods his head in understanding.

“And…” Rey continues, “I guess I’m a bit nervous.”

Ben’s hand cups Rey’s cheek. “Talk to me. What are you nervous about?”

“It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.” Rey shakes her head and manages to smile.

“No, you’re not fine. If we do this, I want you to be completely comfortable and willing. If you want to stop, we can.”

“No.” Rey says maybe a little too eagerly. “I want to do this, trust me. I guess I’m just scared that I… won’t be good. And, you know, you’re  _ you _ and I’m  _ me _ and you’re just more experienced and I’m a nun and there’s that ‘God’s always watching’ bullshit and…”

“Rey.” Ben cuts her off. She looks into his eyes, a fond smile spread across his face. “You’re rambling.” he chuckles.

Rey looks down at her hand still engulfed in his and smiles apologetically. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it's adorable. And if you’re worried about God watching, there are over seven billion people in the world. Surely he can’t be watching all of us… if he even exists at all.”

Rey chuckles slightly as Ben’s other hand lightly pinches her chin and lifts her head so she’s looking into his eyes.

“And about me being more experienced than you…” he shakes his head. “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s  _ you _ . You’re so fucking amazing and beautiful and smart and I don’t want you to doubt yourself or feel like you have to live up to anything or anyone. Okay?”

Rey’s heart flutters in her chest while simultaneously all of her anxieties dissipate. Although there is still that feeling of first time nervousness, it’s not as strong as it was just a couple seconds ago. She leans in to fill the gap between her and Ben and kisses his soft lips. Not just a kiss of appreciation and gratitude, but a kiss of overwhelming passion. She feels different around him. Free and divine and wholeheartedly  _ happy _ .

Ben graciously accepts her kiss, slanting his mouth against her’s, slowly escalating it by caressing her tongue with his. Carefully, he leans her back onto the mattress, feasting on her lips. His whole being is just so large and wide that he completely covers her; like Rey’s own personal roof.

She hooks her legs around his waist as her arms wrap around his neck. Briefly, he pulls away from her. “Are you sure this is alright?” he breathes.

“Yes.” Rey nods. “Just… could you start slow?”

“Of course.” he whispers, placing a gentle kiss on the slope of her neck. His warm breath sends a chill through her, followed by goosebumps and a tingling in her core.

Ben’s hand trails down her sternum and rests on her breast, palming her and rolling her pebbling nipple in between his thumb and forefinger. The sensation is magnificent, causing arousal to pool just between her thighs. She can feel him prodding at her entrance and she cants her hips faintly to let him know it’s okay to start. He takes the hint and moves his hips so the tip of his cock slips past Rey’s inner walls. She gasps at the contact. It doesn’t necessarily hurt- not yet, at least. It’s just… strange. Foreign. It’s definitely a different feeling from when his fingers stretched her out yesterday.

“You okay?” Ben asks through clenched teeth.

Rey looks up at his face. He looks… strained, but patient. If that’s possible. Like he’s willing to give her all the time in the world to get used to him, no matter how much it tortures him. But she doesn’t want to take that long; she wants him  _ now _ .

“Perfect.” Rey smiles and cradles his face, pulling him closer to her and kissing him desperately. Ben growls into her mouth and moves his hips forward more, sinking himself into her inch by inch.

That’s when a sharp pain tinges in Rey’s cunt and she winces, breaking apart the kiss. He’s stretching her out in ways she didn’t know she  _ could _ be stretched. He’s just so… 

“Bloody huge.” she groans out loud.

Ben peppers light kisses down her neck. “I’m sorry.” he whispers repeatedly, and it breaks her heart to hear the raw sympathy in his voice. 

“It’s okay.” she reassures him, raking her fingers through his feather soft hair. “I just… need to adjust, that’s all” she shimmies her hips, trying to get used to the feeling of him completely splitting her in two. But this only elicits a strangled moan from Ben’s throat. Like she has just killed him. And it gives her a new sense of confidence- a new sense of  _ pride _ \- knowing that she has that kind of effect on him.

“I think I’m getting used to it.” Rey says after a couple seconds. The pain is still there, but it has subsided a bit. It’s not like the sharp pain she felt before, instead it’s a kind of exciting one. Like a  _ hurts so good _ kind of pain. “You can keep going.” she whispers in his ear. 

A shudder visibly runs through him and he experiments with a shallow thrust, not fully pulling out. They both moan at the movement and sparks ignite in Rey’s chest; the same kind of sparks that she felt in the parking lot almost a week ago when she first laid eyes on Ben.

“God, you’re so tight.” Ben groans. “You’re like a dream.”

He continues the shallow thrusts, all while studying Rey’s face, seemingly trying to get a read on what she’s feeling. “You think you can take the rest?” he asks.

Rey’s eyes pop open to look at him, beads of sweat dotting his beautiful, long face. “‘The rest’?” she echoes. “It’s… you’re not all the way in?” she manages a peek between their bodies to find that he is, indeed, only a little more than halfway inside her. The view of him stretching her out, the way she’s wrapped around him, makes her even more wet and causes her to whimper slightly.

“If I do it fast, it might be like ripping off a band aid.” he suggests. “Only if you’re fine with it, though.”

Rey takes a deep breath and clutches the silky white sheets pooling around her. “Okay.” she barely whispers.

“Okay.” Ben repeats, grabbing Rey’s leg and moving it closer to her chest so he can get a better angle. His other hand wraps around the small of her back and pulls her up to where they’re chest-to-chest; sharing each other’s rapid heart beats. Rey lets go of the sheets and drapes her arms around his neck, preparing herself to be impaled in the most pleasing way possible.

Ben thrusts his hips forward, rooting himself inside of her quick and easy… but not painless. That sharp pain returns and Rey mewls, digging her nails into Ben’s hard, muscular back.

Once she realizes how hard her nails are digging into him, she relaxes her grip. “I’m sorry.” she apologizes this time, hoping that the sting of her nails didn’t bring back any memories of past pain that his back had to endure.

“You’re fine. Claw my back as much you need, little kitten.” he says kissing her shoulder. The quite literal pet name is something that Rey has dreamed of hearing him call her, and her breath hitches just at the sound of it.

She huffs a laugh and leans back to look into his face. “You know,” she says. “It’s actually not too bad… once you get used to it.”

He smiles at her mischievously and lets her fall back onto the mattress. He cages her in between his thick arms and swirls his hips around, causing Rey to moan in approval. “I think I can make it better than ‘not too bad’.” he purrs. 

His hips pull back, sliding himself out of Rey’s dripping cunt, only to slam back deep inside of her. She grips his shoulders and moans loudly, an overwhelming sensation of pleasure flowing through her veins. Ben leans down to capture her moan in his mouth as he rocks in and out of her over and over and over again.

“Told you,” he pants against her ear, his hot breath making the hairs on the back of her neck stand. “I was going to make you scream.” he grinds down on her harder, his pubic bone rubbing against her clit as his cock hits that spot deep inside of her that makes her back arch and causes her to cry out.

Rey moves her hips in sync with his; as he moves forward, she moves up, causing him to delve deeper inside of her. The heels of her feet dig into his back as she meets each of his thrusts, a strangled moan escaping Ben’s mouth. The sound of wet skin slapping together mingles with the sound of their labored breathing and heavy kissing. Ben explores her mouth more than he has ever done, only adding to the growing tightness in Rey’s core.

It’s unlike anything Rey has ever felt before; even when she used to pleasure herself, it didn’t feel as…  _ powerful _ as this. The weight of Ben on top of her along with his long and thick cock thrusting in and out of her is something she could only dream of before. But now it’s actually happening and she wants to savor every moment of it. Of  _ him _ . The way his fingers trail down her arm and lace with her own, bringing her hand up next to her head and holding it as he places bruising kisses along her jawline and neck. All the while his cock is twitching inside of her with each desire-filled thrust.

Rey decides to conduct a little experiment of her own and swirl her hips just like he did earlier, sending a new wave of pleasure to course through her body, eliciting a shared moan from both of them. 

“Rey, you feel incredible.” Ben pants, looking down at her while simultaneously drifting his free hand down her abdomen to rub soft circles on her clit.

Rey’s jaw is slack and her eyes half mast, and she kind of wishes he wasn’t gazing at her with how ridiculous she most likely looks. But the stimulation of him rubbing her sensitive bundle of nerves added with his cock slipping in and out of her, stretching out her inner walls and hitting her g-spot... words seem to escape her. All she can manage is a slurred, “So do you.”

Ben kisses her temple, her cheek, her mouth, and then hangs his head in the slope of her neck. “You’re taking me so well.” he grits out. “Such a good girl taking my thick cock in that tight pussy of yours.”

Rey whimpers at his words, meeting his thrusts more eagerly, feeling as if there’s a spring coiling in her stomach. She clings to his back, now damp with sweat and arousal. 

“You-you almost didn’t fit.” she says breathlessly, not recognizing her own voice.

Ben’s thrusts pick up in pace, like he’s close to release, and Rey can feel that she is too. He rocks in and out of her with more purpose, her tits bouncing beneath him, her pebbling nipples rubbing against his smooth chest.

Rey’s walls flutter and she clenches around him, her growing orgasm getting ready to burst. She moans as his cock hits her g-spot over and over again, dragging out her wetness and making her flood with pleasure.

“Come for me.” he commands, rubbing harder haphazard circles on her clit, making her jolt. “I want to feel you come on my cock. I want you to make a mess on me. Come on, baby.” he pants, thrusting harder into her, making her  _ scream _ with pleasure just as he promised he would. “Come for me like the good girl you are.”

“Ben!” she gasps as he plunges into her. Her cunt tightens more around him and with one last moan, she spills over the edge. The spring uncoiling in her core, the waves of her orgasm drowning her from the inside out. It’s so strong she feels like she might black out. Her hearing becomes muffled as Ben follows with his own release, grunting through his staggering thrusts, Rey’s name escaping through his parted lips. She can feel his cock twitching, only dragging out her orgasm even more. 

They both come down from their equally mind numbingly incredible release. Ben crumbles on top of Rey as they let their breathing go back to normal. Rey is shaking slightly in her afterglow, running her fingers gently through Ben’s damp hair as he lays his head on her chest. Laying in a comfortable silence until their heartbeats steady, Ben decides to slowly and carefully pull out of Rey, causing her breath to hitch at the soreness that he leaves in his wake. 

He lays down next to her, completely spent, takes the condom off of his softening cock, and absent-mindedly throws it onto the floor. Rey laughs at him and he smiles back, blissed out as he pulls her closer to him and wraps his arms around her. She nuzzles her faces into his chest and breathes in his scent. Sweet sweat, sunscreen, and warm musk.

“You were phenomenal.” he whispers into her hair.

She looks up at him through long eyelashes and hooded eyes. “Really?” 

“Yes. Rey, you are everything I’ve ever dreamt of.” he says softly.

She can feel her cheeks heat and she bites back a smile, hiding her face in his chest once again. “So are you.” she whispers sleepily.

She lets her eyes drift shut and focuses on the feather light feeling of Ben’s fingers running up and down her spine. His steady breathing cradles her into a peaceful slumber where she dreams of him and only him.

\---

Ben awakens completely naked amidst ruined sheets, Rey curled up against him, sleeping like an angel. Last night was… amazing to say the least. He thinks of the noises she made, how she responded to his words and movements, how well she caught on to everything. For being a semi-virgin, she was better than any of the other women he has been with. Maybe it’s because he feels differently about her than he did about the others… He can’t put his finger on it, but when he’s around her, his chest feels looser and his heart feels full. And when he looks at her, even now- her back against his chest, her legs tangled in his, her face peaceful and soft- he feels euphoric. And last night, when he was inside of her, worshipping her body the best he could, he felt that spark in his chest. He thinks that it has to mean something, but he doesn’t know what.

She stirs against him, letting out the cutest whimper that makes him smile uncontrollably. Ben nuzzles his nose against the back of her neck, savoring her smell; roses and coconut. He wraps his arms tighter around her, securing himself closer to her, loving the feeling of having someone else’s warmth comforting him. She responds to his touch unconsciously, nestling further into him…  _ rubbing  _ against him. He feels his cock begin to swell as he inhales a shuddered breath.

Rey’s breath seems to come heavier and Ben wonders if she’s waking up. He peeks over her shoulder and finds that her eyes are still closed, but she’s sporting a lazy smile. She must be dreaming.

Her hips move against him again, causing her ass to rub against his now achingly hard cock. Then… a moan. Not from Ben but from Rey. And it sounds oddly like Ben’s name.

Oh, she’s dreaming alright. Dreaming about  _ him _ . Ben smiles wider, wondering what he’s doing to her in her dream. She moans again, this time needier, and Ben takes a risk.

He drapes her leg back over his hip and slides himself between her folds, causing her breath to hitch. She’s already so wet, and feeling this wetness on his bare cock for the first time is enough to make him come. Yes, she felt incredible when he had the condom on, but without it… it’s a whole ‘nother story. It’s-

He shudders and moans against her neck as he slides through her folds, Rey rubbing herself against him, seeming to be waking up from the pleasure she's receiving.

“Ben.” she whispers breathlessly, reaching behind her to tangle her fingers in his hair.

“Good morning.” he whispers back against her ear.

Her breathing is fast and needy and she grinds down on him harder, causing him to bump against her clit. She moans his name again which only makes his cock twitch and seep with precum. He can feel his release building up already, but tries to hold it off until Rey is close as well… which doesn’t seem like a long time coming. He sweeps her hair behind her shoulder, giving him a full view of that deliciously smooth neck of hers. Placing a light kiss on that sensitive spot below the curve of her jaw that he knows drives her crazy, he quickens the pace of his hips all whilst she rides him to her desire. He reaches over her to palm one of her tits, rolling her nipple in between his fingers, making her jolt and moan against him.

“So… close.” she pants, tightening her grip in his hair.

He groans against her neck at the sweet pressure, sending electricity through him, all the way to his cock that is now covered in Rey’s wetness.

“Tell me… I-I want to come with you.” he breathes feeling his impending release surfacing.

Rey’s hips move faster along with Ben’s, his cock rubbing through her folds, the tip hitting her clit repeatedly. “Almost there…” she whines.

Ben tugs slightly at her nipple, giving her the extra stimulation needed to pull her over the edge… which is exactly what she does. And Ben lets go at the same time she does.

Both of them moaning as they ride out their orgasms, Ben’s release spilling all over the sheets next Rey. His grip tightens on her breast and then relaxes once he comes down, the same with Rey and her grip in his hair.

Rey rolls over to face him, eyes still glowing with sleep, and smiles that gorgeously dimpled smile. “Good morning indeed.” she purrs and kisses him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to demonstrate healthy communication and consent in this chapter because it's something so important in the real world.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed and don't forget to leave a kudos and/or comment! I love to read what you all have to say <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get out of the car, Ben carrying the blankets and pillows from the beach house. As he opens the bed of the truck, Rey makes her way over to the half wall made of stone that separates the pavement of the overlook from the steep drop of the cliff they’re situated on. It’s like nothing she has ever seen before. The vast scenery before her and the open night sky makes her feel… infinite.
> 
> “You didn’t come here to murder me, did you? Throw me off the edge of the cliff or something?” Rey turns around to see that Ben has made a little bed in the back of the truck out of the cozy looking blankets. He brought candles as well, lit them and placed them along the sides of the truck.
> 
> “Stargazing.” He simply says, and sits down upon the blanket bed, patting the spot next to him for Rey to occupy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to start out saying sorry for how long it has taken for me to update. I've been severely lacking motivation and I appreciate you all being patient. Please follow my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/adamdriveruniverse/) for updates on this fic!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this update, and please pay attention to the added tags!
> 
> **Content Warning:**  
>  **This chapter includes rough sex, including consensual choking. If this is a potential trigger, please read with caution! Also, please pay heed to the tags.**

Rey is absolutely starving after the night _and_ morning she had. Although she was perfectly content to stay in her dreamland where she relived last night, Ben’s hands and mouth roaming and exploring every inch of her body, she didn’t complain about Ben waking her up- it was like her dreams spilled over into the real world. But _now_ , she almost dances in her seat at the dining table as Ben brings a plate filled with half a blueberry bagel, crispy pieces of bacon, and scrambled eggs topped with cheese and hot sauce. He sits down across from her, setting down an identical plate in front of him.

Scarfing down her food like she hasn’t eaten in days, Rey doesn’t care if she looks like a pothead in the midst of a munchie meltdown. And she doesn’t get self conscious as Ben hides his adoring laugh behind a bite of his bagel. She has never hidden her love of food- _any_ food, really. If it’s edible and smells good and is sitting right in front of her, it’ll be gone within minutes.

“I can’t help but take pride in thinking that I’m the cause of this hunger.” Ben says as he plucks a napkin out of the napkin holder, reaches over the table, and interrupts Rey’s eating by wiping a piece of food off of the corner of her mouth. “You know, because of the _exhausting_ and _mind blowing_ sex last night and this morning.”

Rey raises her eyebrows at him. “Don’t get cocky on me.”

“What? Me? Never!” Ben raises his hands in defense. A pause, and then, “But I’m right.”

Rey snorts. “Don’t get full of yourself, either.”

“Oh, I would never. I’d rather _you_ be full of me.”

Rey almost chokes on her bacon and takes a big gulp of water, all while Ben smiles victoriously and takes another bite of his bagel.

“Speaking of _pride_ ,” Rey says once she has recovered from Ben’s vulgar comment. “What is the sin of the day today?”

“Well the only one we have left is lust, but it seems we already checked that one off… multiple times.”

Rey’s cheeks flush at the lustful memories resurfacing in her mind. “There’s no reason we can’t check it off one or two more times…” she tries to say casually but fails.

Ben’s dimples pierce his cheeks as he finishes off his bagel and says, “Oh, yeah?”

From under the table, Rey can feel his foot snake up her calf, over the inside of her knee, and massage the apex of her thighs, sending thrills of pleasure and a hint of pain through her. “ _Only_ one or two more times?” he raises an eyebrow at her as she reluctantly scoots away from his touch.

“Maybe not right now.” she says a bit quieter. “I’m… sore.”

Rey feels a bit stupid that she didn’t realize the act they performed last night would leave a residual soreness between her legs, but any sense of embarrassment from her confession drains away as she sees the shit eating grin on Ben’s face as he shoves a fork-full of eggs into that sinfully delicious mouth. She laughs and kicks his leg under the table.

After a couple minutes of comfortable silence and playing footsies with each other under the table, they finish their breakfast and move to the kitchen to wash their dishes.

“You know…” Rey says as she scrubs her plate clean and places it in the dishwasher. She turns around so that her back is resting against the counter, Ben working on cleaning his plate next to her. “This is the first Sunday since I was a child that I’m not attending church.”

Ben finishes with his plate, places it on the rack in the dishwasher, and stands in front of Rey. He towers over her as his hands trace up and down her arms. She cranes her head back to look up into his eyes; amber with forest green encircling his pupils.

“Me too.” he says, moving his hand to glide over her collarbone. “Does it bother you? Not going?”

Rey thinks about it for a couple seconds. Although she was- _is_ \- a nun, she always found the church part a bit boring. She has never admitted this because what does that say about her? That she doesn’t have enough faith? That she doesn’t love God as much as she is supposed to? That’s the main reason nuns can’t be in relationships; because they’re already betrothed to God. Rey never thought much of that… until she met Ben. Why waste her life in an unfulfilling, one-sided relationship with God when there is a generous, understanding, and kind person standing right in front of her? 

“No.” Rey finally answers and smiles up at Ben. “It doesn’t bother me… because I’m right where I want to be.”

Ben smiles and dips his head down to kiss her lightly, sweetly, on the lips. “So am I.” he whispers

Rey wraps her arms against his middle and rests her head against his chest, letting him hold her and living in the moment. Listening to the steady beat of his heart, drinking in his scent, engulfed in his heat. She only has one more day with him, and then she has to make her decision tomorrow. There’s a bitter feeling that courses through her body at the thought of losing _this_. This little, beautiful, miraculous thing that she and Ben have. And there’s a burning in her eyes, but she takes a deep breath and gives him one last squeeze, fighting back those thoughts. She doesn’t want to be sad today. She wants to have fun on the beach one more time. She wants to get lost in Ben’s body, his sweet but dirty words, his praise…

“What _do_ you have planned for today? In regard to lust?” Rey asks, pulling away to look up at him again.

“Eager, are you?” Ben cocks his eyebrow and Rey jabs him in the ribs. “We’re going to have to wait for it to get dark. That’s all I’m telling you.”

“Dark? What, are you planning to murder me?”

“Not in the way you think.” he winks and wraps long fingers around her tiny wrist. “We can spend a couple more hours on the beach, I can make you some dinner, and then we can head out.”

_Out?_ Rey thinks to herself. _What could we do that involves lust and also going out?_

Whatever Ben has planned, she trusts him enough to let him keep it a surprise. He leads her to the bedroom so they can get back into their bathing suits, and then they make their way to the beach… possibly the last time Rey will ever make her way to the beach.

\---

They spend a majority of their time playing beach volleyball, sunbathing, and cooling off in the gentle waves of the ocean, glittering beneath the rays of the sun. It’s quite possibly the most fun Ben has had in a long, _long_ time. And it’s a considerable weight off his back; laughing and chasing Rey around the beach, splashing each other in the ocean as Rey freaks out everytime something swims past her ankles. One instance, it was something rather long, probably just some seaweed, but it scared her so much that she yelped and _jumped_ into Ben’s arms, clinging for dear life around his neck. He just stood there, cradling her in his arms, laughing his ass off, but happy nonetheless. Happy that she finds safety in his touch.

A couple hours later, and they have both thoroughly exhausted themselves. Their cheeks sore from smiling so much, their throats irritated from laughing so hard. Ben is so happy that he doesn’t feel like this is real life anymore. He feels like he’s in a fairytale.

After their fun on the beach, they head back to the house, hand in hand, where Ben leads Rey into the bathroom.

“We should shower before I get dinner ready.” he says, turning on the faucet of the biggest shower he has ever seen. The doors are glass, so there’s barely any privacy, and it looks like eight people could fit comfortably in it.

Rey laughs, “Do I smell that bad?”

Ben turns around to face her. “Never.” he whispers as his fingers trace the hem of her bathing suit top and pull up.

As they undress each other, Ben thinks that he could never get used to this. Rey’s delicate touch on his bare skin sending electric currents through him, the sight of her bare chest and those tiny tits of hers that are just so mesmerizing, the way that her eyes burn into his, the color of sun kissed honey.

They step into the shower, the hot water a stark contrast to the cold tile floor; it sends chills through Ben’s body.

Ben is surprised they got any showering done at all; he just can’t seem to keep his hands off of Rey. After they cleaned each other and washed their hair, Ben took Rey against the glass doors. With her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands clutching on his bare shoulders, he thrust into her so hard that the doors rattled each time. The look on her face is almost as intoxicating as the sex; her nose scrunched up, brows drawn together, mouth slightly agape, letting out different whines and moans. He captures that soft mouth with his own and bites down on her bottom lip, sucking on it the way he quickly learned drives her crazy. Indeed it does, because he can hear her breathing hitch as she starts to move her hips to the best of her ability. Ben kneads her plump ass as he all but plows into Rey, getting so close to that sweet release. He has never felt this way about anybody he has had sex with before. Those past women were just a means to an end. But with Rey… it’s _different_. He can’t really put a word to it, but it’s more than just pleasure. He wants to give her everything.

“You feel so fucking amazing, Rey.” Ben breathes into her ear, letting his breath caress the side of her face; he can see the goosebumps spread over her. “So tight, so wet. Can you feel how tight you are wrapped around my cock?”

Rey whimpers as she nods her head, seemingly speechless.

Ben thrusts faster, harder, feeling her inner walls flutter around him. “Come for me. Come on, baby be a good girl. Give me what I want.”

And as easily as that, Rey comes undone at his sweet commands. Leaning her forehead against Ben’s shoulder as her nails dig into him, the sting almost sending himself over the edge. But he waits. Waits for Rey’s breathing to slow back down and he knows her high is over. He then reluctantly pulls out of her, gripping his cock with his hand and pumping eagerly.

“Wait.” Rey’s soft voice is barely audible over the shower still running. Ben looks at her, brows furrowed. “Let me.” she removes Ben’s hand and replaces it with her own, eliciting a soft hiss from between his teeth.

She kisses him hungrily as her hand pumps his shaft, tongue sliding against his own until he spills out over her hand and onto her stomach.

“I adore you.” Ben whispers once her hand stops and his climax has subsided.

She’s quiet for a couple seconds and he looks into her eyes, so full of affection, looking almost on the verge of tears.

“Are you okay?” he asks, reaching up to cup her cheek.

Rey leans into his touch and places a soft kiss on the palm of his hand. “I’m brilliant.” she smiles.

\---

It’s the sexiest thing in the world, Rey thinks, seeing Ben cook her dinner in the kitchen. She leans over, resting her elbow on the cool surface of the counter, head propped up in her hand, watching Ben adoringly. He’s wearing an apron that says “oh, crêpe” on it and Rey can’t help but huff a laugh and wonder where it came from. Is it Armitage’s and he picked it out of his own free will? Or was he gifted it as a gag gift from Ben? It doesn’t matter where it came from, what only matters is how hot Ben looks in it. Fit to his muscular, wide frame over a black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. He has tied his hair into a half-up, half-down so it won’t get in his way while cooking and Rey’s heart skipped a beat when she first saw it. The whole time she’s watching him cook, she can’t get their shower together out of her mind. The way his teeth felt on her bottom lip, his breath tickling her cheek, his cock in her hand. And his words… “ _I adore you_ ” _._ They filled her up with so much joy. She has never known such affection, and she thinks a part of her has craved it for so long that when she finally got it, it almost brought her to tears. 

“If you stare at me any harder I fear you may burn a hole in the back of my head.” Ben says, his back still turned to Rey, flipping the chicken breast over in the pan atop the stove.

“I can’t help it.” Rey says defensively. “You’re so mesmerizing. Like a beautiful sequoia tree.”

Ben freezes in place and slowly turns to her, brows furrowed. “A… _sequoia tree_? Where the fuck did you come up with that?”

Rey laughs and removes herself from the counter, slowly making her way over to Ben. “You know,” she says when she reaches him. “Tall…” she runs her hands up his abdomen to his chest. “ _Thick_ …”

Ben’s breath comes out staggering as her hands wander around his body. “Jesus, Rey, I’ve created a monster.”

“How so?” she asks innocently, pressing her body against his teasingly. 

“You’ve somehow made _plantlife_ seductive. I have officially corrupted a nun. If that’s not deserving of a one-way ticket to Hell, I don’t know what is.” 

His eyes nearly roll to the back of his head as Rey wraps her arms around him and squeezes his ass through his back pockets. “But you don’t believe in Hell.” she says, her voice dropping down an octave. She loves the way she can affect him like this with her touch and her voice. It’s intoxicating.

“Baby, it’s Hell on earth standing here with you and not being able to be inside of you right now.”

“Who says you can’t be?” Rey asks mischievously.

As if right on cue, the chicken in the pan starts sizzling and crackling wildly, a bit of smoke coming off it.

“Dinner’s ready.” Ben nearly whispers, their faces only a couple inches apart. He leans in and softly brushes his lips against hers, then turns back to the pan and starts to make their plates.

Rey exhales slowly hoping it’ll help relieve some of the tension that has built up in her core. It doesn’t.

What has gotten into her? She’s introduced to the world of mind numbingly amazing sex and now she’s a fiend trying to jump Ben’s bones in the middle of making dinner. If the person she was last week saw her now, she wouldn’t believe it. She’s a different person now, but maybe it’s for the better. She’s not some stuck, innocent, sad young woman anymore who longed to just belong in an environment that didn’t match her values and needs. She’s free to be whoever she wants to be, and she likes that feeling. But she’s also scared of that feeling because it’s foreign. There’s still so much that she hasn’t experienced and it worries her that maybe this week is just a glorified, once-in-a-lifetime version of a life outside of the church. If she stays here with Ben, would it always be like this? Or is it just this exciting because it’s new and rebellious?

A hand landing on Rey’s shoulder yanks her out of her thoughts and she jumps back a bit, startled. Ben is looking intently at her, eyes filled with worry. “Are you okay?” he asks.

Rey’s smile doesn’t meet her eyes, but she nods despite her thoughts and thundering heartbeat. “I’m fine.”

Ben gives her a look like he doesn’t quite believe her, but he doesn’t press the issue. Thank God. She doesn’t want to ruin this moment- this night- with her doubts and fears. If this is her last night with him, she wants to enjoy it.

The mouthwatering plate Ben places in front of her once she’s seated at the dining table leaves those doubtful thoughts behind a cloud of smoke- still there, but barely visible. A beautifully seasoned golden chicken breast with cooked green beans and diced potatoes. Rey’s stomach growls as if yelling at her to stop looking at the food and start eating it.

“Where did you learn to cook like this?” Rey asks after taking a bite of the chicken and letting out and approving moan.

Ben smiles at her, dimples and all. “I don’t remember much about my biological parents, but I _do_ remember whenever my mom would cook. I used to sit in the kitchen with her and hand her the ingredients. Sometimes my dad would try to help, but he would fuck something up and get kicked out.” his smile has turned reminiscent and Rey feels a tug at her heart. “She would play old music from the fifties and spin me around and dance until we were dizzy and the food was ready.”

Rey gives a sympathetic smile. “She sounds lovely.”

Ben nods and takes a bite of his chicken. “She was.”

They sit in silence for a couple seconds, Rey trying to find something else to say until Ben finally speaks. “Do you remember anything about your parents?”

“Only what I was told. They left me at a gas station on a trip to the States and never came back. Never came looking. I wish I could remember something- anything- but I can’t. Maybe it’s best that I don’t.”

“You shouldn’t waste your time on people who didn’t want you. They’re obviously the dumbest humans in existence; who wouldn’t want you?”

Rey can feel her chest tighten as she smiles shyly behind a sip of water.

They finish their meal in silence, occasionally stealing shy glances at each other. After, they pack up all of their things and load them in the backseat of the truck. Ben steals some extra blankets and pillows from the beach house, only saying “For later” when Rey raises a questioning eyebrow at him. It releases a kaleidoscope of butterflies in her stomach.

The tension in the car is so thick Rey could impale herself with it. That’s what she wants to do; it’s driving her mad. Her mind won’t stop conjuring up different scenarios about what Ben has in store for her. And his hand gripping her thigh while he’s driving isn’t doing anything to ease the tension. She tries to focus on the music playing on the radio, but it doesn’t help. Nothing is going to help calm her down. Why won’t he just tell her?! She _hates_ surprises.

“I can _feel_ you holding your breath.” Ben says, breaking the silence.

Rey laughs nervously. “Sorry.”

“Hey,” he squeezes her thigh comfortingly. “Don’t be nervous; tonight’s going to be fun. If you want to back out, you can.”

“No, no. I’m fine, really. I’m not nervous about _that_. I just… don’t like surprises.”

“Would it help if I gave you a hint?”

“Maybe?”

He pulls off to the side of the road and backs the truck onto an overlook. “The hint is: we’re here.”

The view is breathtaking, overlooking countless trees and large, sturdy mountains. The night sky is cloudless and lit up with a million twinkling stars and a shining crescent moon.

They get out of the car, Ben carrying the blankets and pillows from the beach house. As he opens the bed of the truck, Rey makes her way over to the half wall made of stone that separates the pavement of the overlook from the steep drop of the cliff they’re situated on. It’s like nothing she has ever seen before. The vast scenery before her and the open night sky makes her feel… infinite.

“You didn’t come here to murder me, did you? Throw me off the edge of the cliff or something?” Rey turns around to see that Ben has made a little bed in the back of the truck out of the cozy looking blankets. He brought candles as well, lit them and placed them along the sides of the truck.

“Stargazing.” He simply says, and sits down upon the blanket bed, patting the spot next to him for Rey to occupy.

_Stargazing._ She thinks. _This man has brought me stargazing._ She feels like she’s living in a movie. This man cannot be real. He is too perfect to be real.

Rey makes herself comfortable next to him, laying down on her back to look straight up at the sky. Ben does the same.

“This is where the stars are the brightest,” he says. “We’re far enough from any big city so the artificial lights don’t affect the sky. And this road is one least traveled, so we don’t have to worry about any other people disrupting our peace.”

“Why don’t people travel this road?” Rey asks, still looking up, mesmerized by the sky.

“Well, it’s said to be haunted by a woman in white trying to get home to her family. She poses as a hitchhiker. If you pick her up, chances are you won’t make it off the road.”

Rey’s head snaps sideways to look at Ben, startled. “Are you serious?”

Ben cracks up laughing, covering his face in his hands. “You are so gullible!” 

Rey scoffs and slaps his bicep hard. “ _Not_ funny!” but she can’t help but sneak in a laugh as well.

“There’s road construction up ahead, so people have to use an alternate route.” Ben says once he has calmed down.

“You could have said that instead of giving me a fright.” Rey says, turning her attention back to the stars.

“Could you ever forgive me?” Ben asks teasingly.

“Oh, shut it. I’m trying to _stargaze_.”

He laughs and falls silent. It’s so surreal, looking at all of these stars. Knowing that the universe is so much bigger than anything they know.

“It’s so beautiful.” Rey nearly whispers.

She can see Ben turn to look at her from her periphery vision. “Yeah, it is.”

Rey turns to look at him too, and she feels like it’s not the stars he was talking about. 

“Do you remember the first time we saw each other?” he asks.

Rey nods, at a loss for words because of the way he is looking into her eyes so endearingly. 

“Me too.” he continues. “We were in the church parking lot. I was having a shit morning, being forced to go to church and do confession. But then, I saw you. Just you. You drew me in like a single star in an utterly black sky.” his hand comes up to Rey’s face, thumb stroking her cheekbone. “I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. I had this… _feeling_ inside of me. Like I needed to know you. But you were a nun and I knew that it wasn’t likely to happen. I tried to distract myself, but I couldn’t get you out of my mind. And then, the next day, I ran into you. And I- I don’t believe in fate, but I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. That we were meant to know each other. To be in each other’s lives. Is that weird?”

Rey can feel a single tear streak its way down her cheek. She has become completely speechless. It’s impossible… what he has just said-

“Why are you crying?” he asks, brushing her tears away with his thumb.

“I- I don’t know what to say. You just described _exactly_ the way I felt when I first saw you. Word for word. How is that possible? When I first saw you, I felt this…” she motions at her chest, scared of what any of this means.

“Spark.” Ben says.

Rey’s eyes shoot up to his, disbelievingly. “Exactly.” she whispers. “What does that mean?”

“I have no fucking clue. Maybe we’re soulmates or something.” Ben laughs jokingly.

But there’s a part of Rey that might think it’s not a joke. He says he doesn’t believe in fate or God, but she does. Her faith has been dwindling, but what if this was God’s way of telling her to keep going? That He is real after all? All of this can’t be a mere coincidence. 

“What are you thinking?” Ben asks.

“That maybe this is some sort of sign. From God.”

“I was just joking about the ‘soulmates’ thing.” Ben says.

Rey laughs and cups his cheek with her hand. “I know you don’t believe in any of this stuff, and that’s what I like about you. You’re different and you’re not afraid to be different. And I was questioning for a while whether I actually believed in God or if I was just brainwashed into some religion and never thought to look past it. Maybe the latter is true, I don’t know. But what I do know is that this is too fantastical to be a coincidence. The fact that we’ve only known each other for a week, but it feels like forever… how much we already know about and trust each other, I admit that’s not normal. But it _feels_ normal… natural. Do you know what I mean?”

“I know exactly what you mean.” Ben breaths, and then his lips are crushing into Rey’s in an intense, searing kiss. Caught up in the moment, in an infinite universe, they feel like the only two people.

His tongue delves into her mouth, and she accepts it gracefully, tangling her hands in his hair and gently tugging. Ben’s moan reverberates throughout Rey’s entire body and something switches inside of her. The effect she has on him, the things she can do to him… there’s a new found confidence blooming inside of her like a vibrant flower in a desert storm. Her whole life she was told confidence like this doesn’t belong, but it’s there and stronger than ever. She wants to take control.

Rey breaks away from the kiss and Ben looks thoroughly disappointed, but she feels like he won’t be for long.

“What are you doing?” Ben asks, slightly out of breath.

“Sit up.” Rey commands, taking her shirt off in one fell swoop. 

Ben obeys, taking his shirt off as well and grinning at her. “As you wish.” he says, the smile basically audible in his voice.

Rey has never done anything like this in her life. She can feel her heart pounding in her head, she’s nervous, yes, but, somehow more confident than ever. She has always been open with Ben, communication has always been key with them. The best thing, she thinks, is to be straight with him. Get right to the point. 

“I want to ride you.” she deadpans.

Ben’s face falls slack and he stammers. “Y-you… you want to… I mean- really?”

“What, are short-circuiting?” Rey swings her leg over Ben’s lap to where she’s straddling him. Her fingers lightly tracing the muscular plane of his chest, his abdomen. She leans down and leaves pepper soft kisses on his neck. His hands wrap around her hips, his grip bruising, but she doesn’t care. “I said,” she whispers seductively. “I. Want. To. Ride you. Is that alright?”

Ben’s exhale comes out in pieces. “God, woman. Yes! That is _more_ than alright.”

She smirks down at him. “Good.” she says, and grinds her hips down on his, finding a satisfying growing bulge. They both let out a hiss of satisfaction and help take each other’s pants off.

Ben’s fingers find her clit as soon as she is completely naked and consumes her mouth with his. All teeth and tongue and lips. 

“How are you already so wet, Rey?” Ben growls, kissing along her jawline and moving up to tug at her earlobe with his teeth.

Rey lets out a whimper as her hand trails down Ben’s abs to grip his hard cock, eliciting a moan out of him. She lines herself up with him, eager to feel him inside of her.

“I… um. I’ve obviously never done this before. Just let me know what you like, okay?” Rey says, breathless.

“Yes, baby.” Ben moans, kissing her neck, sucking and biting, making his mark.

“Okay.” Rey whispers more to herself. Then, she starts to sink down on him.

Rey doesn’t know what she likes more, Ben’s hands on her waist, his cock slowly sliding into her cunt, or the complete control she has. A moan escapes both of them as they lean their foreheads against each other. Rey clutches onto Ben’s broad shoulders as she takes every inch of him, a twinge of pain still present, but not as bad as before.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” Ben moans as Rey gives an experimental swirl of her hips.

She kisses his soft lips hungrily as she starts to move up and down in his lap, tingles of sensation spreading throughout her body. She whines out as Ben starts moving his hips to the best of his ability, driving deeper into her.

“God, Ben, you’re bloody amazing.” Rey pants as she starts to go faster, bouncing up and down on his cock.

Ben’s breath hitches at the praise and he leans down to capture one of Rey’s breasts in his mouth. Rey leans back to grant him easier access. He sucks on her tit, swirls his tongue around the soft skin, lightly grazes the pebbling nipple, making Rey’s brain go fuzzy. He switches sides, bringing Rey closer and closer to climax.

His hands roam over to the small of her back, leaving electricity in their wake, and down to her ass where kneads hard. She cries out as her grip tightens on his shoulders and he hits her g-spot. She focuses on that spot, chasing the pleasure it brings, the tingling in her fingertips and toes, the spring coiling tightly in her core getting ready to release.

“Look at you,” Ben says, kissing up the column of her throat. “Using me for your own pleasure. Maybe you’re not the good girl I thought you were.” He nips at her neck as his thick fingers slide between her folds and find her clit again. “You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you? A bad girl hiding behind this good persona.”

His words only add the coiling sensation in her core, she’s going to burst like a floodgate if he doesn’t stop soon. She rides him harder, faster.

Ben studies her reactions to his dirty words and quirks a smile up at her. “You like it rough, don’t you?”

Rey nods eagerly, only now realizing that all of this has been such a huge turn on for her. 

A pleased sort of growl comes from the back of Ben’s throat that does ungodly things to Rey. “Oh, Baby, I’ll show you rough.”

He cards his fingers through her hair, grabs a handful, and tugs her head back. A searing pain travels through her skull… but it’s not like any normal pain. Combined with the feeling of his cock slipping past her inner walls, it’s euphoric. His teeth are on her neck in an instant, biting and sucking harder than he has done in the past. He really was holding back before. There’s a darker side to both Ben and Rey that they have been hiding… and Rey thinks that she likes it. It seems they’re similar in so many ways, even this one.

“Fuck, Ben.” she moans as his fingers work harder at her clit and his cock starts to pulse inside of her. He looks up at her. “Don’t come yet.” she tells him. “I’m so close.”

“Anything you wish, Baby. Come for me. Come on my cock you dirty girl.”

She can feel her inner walls start to flutter with the start of her orgasm.

“You bad, _bad_ girl.” Ben continues. “Fuck, the things I want to do to you, Rey. You drive me crazy.”

“Then do them.” Rey pants out just before she hits that sweet spot deep inside of her and her climax washes over. Drowns out the whole world, the whole universe before them. She rides it out, leaning her head on Ben’s shoulder as her nails dig into his skin. She sees stars behind her closed eyelids that match the ones in the sky above them.

As she starts to tire out, Ben flips them over in one smooth motion. He takes over as he drives into her harder than has ever before, searching for his own climax. “I want you to come again.” he demands harshly, reaching up and wrapping his hand around Rey’s throat.

“I- I can’t.” Rey says breathlessly. She’s completely spent.

Ben’s thumb and forefinger apply a bit of pressure on the sides of her neck, sending a new type of sensation through her that she has never experienced before. She moans out and moves her hips with his subconsciously. “You’re gonna come when I tell you to come.” his hips move faster, harder. “You got that? I’m gonna make you fucking come until you can’t even remember your fucking name.”

His grip tightens on her neck as he leans down and places a hot, searing kiss on her mouth. She accepts with the same fervor, already feeling herself getting close _again_.

“You like it when I choke you? When I fuck you with my thick cock? You like being called a dirty little slut?” he pants in her ear, his voice somehow deeper, vibrating throughout her entire body. “Answer me.” he demands.

“Yes!” Rey cries out. “Oh, Ben, I fucking love it.”

He laughs harshly as his cock twitches inside of her. “Fuck, I’m gonna come.” He starts to pull out, but Rey stops him.

“I want you to come in me.” she says, half dazed.

His pace falters a bit. “You what?”

“I’ll take the morning after pill. Just- ah- just _please_ come in me. I want to feel you dripping out of me.” she pleads. 

“Fuck, I thought you couldn’t get any more perfect.” Ben says as he resumes his harsh thrusts. “Come with me. Fuck, Rey, come on my cock.”

He thrusts faster into her, chasing his impending release, keeping his grip on the sides of her neck just underneath the curve of her jaw. “Come on, baby. My dirty little girl.” he pants. “Fuck, I’m coming. Come with me.”

Just then, Rey feels him spill inside of her as he yells at her with each punishing thrust to “Come! Come! Come!”

And she does. It’s the most intense orgasm she has ever experienced. Her whole body convulses, causing her to cry out louder than she intended to, leaving her shaking in its wake. Ben collapses on top of her, a mess of heavy breathing and sweat. He leaves sweet kisses on her cheek, her neck, as they both try to steady their breathing.

After a couple minutes of trying to come back to reality, Ben pulls out of Rey with a wince. She can still feel him inside of her, though. Dripping out of her cunt. He rolls over to lay beside her.

“Are you okay?” he asks in a sweet and caring voice, a stark contrast to the demanding growl he used on her just minutes before. “Was that… too much?”

She rolls over on her side to face him and smiles shyly. “Actually, I kind of liked it.” she says cautiously, hoping he doesn’t find it weird. But why would he find it weird? He seemed to enjoy it, too. This hidden darkness inside both of them. Just now revealing itself. And it’s not as scary as Rey thought it would be.

“Really?” Ben asks with a goofy smile. “I didn’t hurt you?”

“No, Ben.” she strokes his cheek, fingers still slightly trembling. “That was the best sex I think I’m ever going to have.”

Even though Rey thought it wasn’t possible, Ben’s smile widens even more as he takes her in his arms and kisses her softly. “Me too.” he whispers.

And they lay like that for a while, under the millions of stars. Just the two of them in this infinite universe. Whole heartedly happy and high on life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for being so patient with this update! I will try to not bail again. Hopefully I can finish this fic before the year is over!
> 
> Don't for get to leave a kudos and/or comment if you enjoyed :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They drive in comfortable silence, but there is this unavoidable electricity flowing between them. And they can’t keep their hands off each other. Even as they walk through the drugstore store to pick up the morning after pill, they walk hand-in-hand; Ben’s thumb softly stroking Rey’s knuckle. He feels like he could get used to this. Him and Rey. Happy.
> 
> But, of course, happiness has never lasted long for him. As they later pull into Hux’s driveway, the silhouette of a man standing on the front porch catches Ben’s eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been yet another long wait for this chapter. I am so sorry! Is anyone even reading this anymore lol. I've been super busy and unmotivated, but I promise I'm going to try to finish this up by the end of the year. Only about two more chapters left! I hope you all enjoy this new update, don't forget to leave a kudos or a comment! I love to hear what you all think <3

The warm, smooth skin of Rey’s thigh is soothing under Ben’s touch. It could put him in a trance if he weren’t careful. After what transpired just six feet behind the driver’s seat of which he currently sits, trying his hardest to focus on the road and not the astonishing creature sitting beside him, he has found it hard to breathe properly. How did he breathe before? In and out, right? No thought about it, just natural. But now that his thoughts are filled with _her_ \- the noises, the faces she makes- he can’t seem to quite figure it out.

They drive in comfortable silence, but there is this unavoidable electricity flowing between them. And they can’t keep their hands off each other. Even as they walk through the drugstore store to pick up the morning after pill, they walk hand-in-hand; Ben’s thumb softly stroking Rey’s knuckle. He feels like he could get used to this. Him and Rey. Happy.

But, of course, happiness has never lasted long for him. As they later pull into Hux’s driveway, the silhouette of a man standing on the front porch catches Ben’s eye.

“Is that Armitage?” Rey asks, squinting her eyes, trying to make out the figure standing in the dark. “He’s like a worried mother waiting for her children who stayed out past curfew.” she laughs.

Ben’s heart stutters like a dead car trying to start back up. He’d know that thin, hunched silhouette anywhere. It wasn’t Hux.

He abruptly parks the car and turns to Rey, loathing the fact that their perfect night is about to go very, very wrong. “I’m gonna need you to stay in the car.” he says, voice shaking beyond his control.

Rey’s brows furrow as she looks at him, suddenly serious. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Just…” Ben closes his eyes to take a deep breath. His heart is thundering so fast, he fears it might explode. “Trust me. That is not Armie.”

Rey turns to look over her shoulder at the figure still standing eerily still on the front porch. “Who is it?” she asks.

Ben grabs her chin with his thumb and forefinger to turn her gaze back to him, the scared look on her face breaking his heart in every way possible. “Rey, I need you to _please_ stay. In. The car.”

She studies his face for a couple seconds and slowly nods her head, whispering a barely audible “Okay.”

Getting out of the car is a struggle in itself, Ben’s knees almost buckling at first contact with the hard pavement of the driveway. His brain has gone fuzzy and the only thought he has is: _How did he find me?_

The walk up to the porch is a blur, the sound of Ben’s heart too loud for him to even hear his own footsteps. Oh, how he wishes he could go back in time. Laying next to Rey in the bed of the truck. Surrounded by candles and the vast, infinite night sky. He keeps that memory in his head to help comfort him as he approaches the silhouette that grows bigger with each stride of Ben’s long legs.

Ben stops about five feet from the old, shriveled, and yet oddly intimidating man who has abused him his entire life, and clears his throat making sure that his voice sounds strong and unshaken.

“What are you doing here?” Ben asks firmly.

The street lights light up Snoke’s haunting gray eyes as they shift to look at Ben suddenly, almost making him flinch. “I went to your apartment.” his gravelly voice breaks the silence of the night surrounding them; even the crickets stop chirping. “You weren’t there,” he continues. “Your mail was piled up at least a week’s worth. It didn’t take long to put two and two together and figure out where you have been staying.” he glances behind him at Hux’s front door in disgust. Like Armie had betrayed him in letting Ben take shelter there. They stand there in deafening silence for only a couple seconds, but for Ben it feels like an eternity. “I received the court summons for the restraining order.” Snoke finally says.

“Well I’d have thought you’d take the hint and stay away.” Ben snaps.

Snoke lifts a menacing finger at him, making Ben take a slight step back. “ _Don’t_ you speak to your father that way.” he starts to stalk towards Ben, like a predator sizing up his prey. 

But Ben stays where he is, despite the loud voice in his head yelling at him to _run, you bastard, run!_ No. He won’t take this anymore. He is a grown man, not a small, defenseless child. He doesn’t _have_ to take this anymore.

“You,” Ben spits out, teeth bared. “Are _not_ my father. You have never been, nor will you _ever_ be. My father was a good man who treated me with utmost kindness and love. Little can be said the same about you.” Ben’s hand has curled into a fist to stop it from shaking violently out of anger and fear.

Snoke’s pale face has turned a troubling shade of red as he advances on Ben, the look of rage plastered on every inch of his wrinkled face.

The sound of a car door opening and closing makes Snoke come to halt. The two men turn to look at the tiny figure of Rey cautiously, but hurriedly approaching them.

“Is everything alright?” she asks, lightly placing a protective hand on Ben’s bicep.

_God, what is she doing here?_ Ben shoots her a look that says, _I told you to stay in the car._

She looks back at him with a face that says, _You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you alone with him._

A bit of tension releases in Ben’s chest knowing that Rey is here to comfort him, protect him… only for that tension to come back mere seconds later at the fact that Rey is almost two heads shorter than Snoke and provides no real protection should he attack them.

Snoke’s gaze trails down Rey’s body, examining her with the same rage he examined Ben with. His eyes linger on the exposed bruises- hickies- on her neck and then slowly go back to burning into Ben’s very soul.

“So this is what you’ve busied yourself with?” he barks. “You’ve been screwing around with some whore?”

“Excuse-” Rey starts.

“Don’t call her that.” Ben interrupts, pinning Snoke with a warning glare.

“She is impure, son. Don’t lower yourself by rolling around in the sheets with a miscreant.”

Ben takes a step toward Snoke, causing Rey to lose her grip on him. “Back off.” he says, voice deepening with rage. “You don’t know who she is.”

Snoke looks back at Rey again, studies her face. Then a sense of recognition fleets across his expression. “I’ve seen you,” he says. “You’re a nun at my church.” he looks between Ben and Rey and laughs manically. “You’re going to burn in hell for betraying God like this.” he tells her. “You’ll never be forgiven. You deserve every bad thing that comes your way. You’re a disgrace to every nun before and after you.”

Ben feels the white hot anger surge through his body, clouding his vision and causing him to step back, only to lunge forward, punching Snoke right where his frail jawbone curves. A sharp pain courses through his knuckles all the way up his arm as Snoke falls to the ground on his back. He can hear Rey yelp as Ben jumps on top of Snoke and punches him again, this time on the cheekbone. Another sharp pain shoots through him as he gives Snoke blow after blow to the face, just as Snoke did to him many times before. Ben gets so lost in the adrenaline that he doesn’t see the front porch lights turn on and the door open. He doesn’t hear Rey and Hux yelling at him to stop. Doesn’t feel their hands prying him off of the bloodied, beaten old man beneath him. He would have probably killed Snoke if his friends hadn’t stopped him.

Everything has become a blur. He’s standing in Armie’s kitchen, leaning against the counter. How did he get here? Rey has retrieved a frozen bag of peas from the freezer and is now holding it against his knuckles. The blood in his ears won’t stop pounding, his body won’t stop shaking. Something took control of him. The years and years of abuse finally overpowered and broke him.

\---

Ben is shaking like a leaf. His eyes staring straight ahead, but completely blank. Like he has somehow left his own body. Icing his hand, the skin on his knuckles broken, Rey reaches up to cradle his face with her other hand.

“Hey.” she whispers, shaking him slightly. “Ben, are you okay?”

No response.

She shakes him a little harder. “Ben!” she yells.

His eyes snap to hers suddenly, a little less empty and shimmering with tears that have not yet fallen.

“Are you okay?” Rey asks again.

“I’m sorry.” his voice cracks. “I’m sorry you had to witness that. I… I never wanted to show that part of me to you. I ruined our night.”

Rey shakes her head and brushes away a tear sliding down his cheek with the pad of her thumb. “You could have never ruined our night.” she whispers gently. “I’m sorry that _you_ had to go through that. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.”

“I-I don’t really remember… how did I get here?” he looks around, dazed.

Rey’s heart breaks a little for him. He was so blind with rage that he must have completely checked out. “Armie and I had to basically pry you off of Snoke. You were so strong, though, I thought we wouldn’t be able to.”

His eyes hurriedly study her. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She looks back at him in shock. “You’re worried about me?”

He looks at her expectantly, still waiting for an answer.

“No.” she says. “No, you didn’t hurt me. I almost had to carry you in here, though, so I’ll probably need to see a chiropractor after this.” she half-heartedly jokes, trying to ease the tension.

“And Snoke…”

“Armitage called the police. They’re on their way with an ambulance.”

Ben slides his uninjured hand down his face. “Shit.” he says under his breath.

“I think he’ll be fine.” Rey says quickly. “And I doubt you’ll get in trouble. Snoke is the one who violated the restraining order, after all. He’d be expected to deal with the consequences if he advanced on you. I’m sure the police will understand. It was self defense.”

Ben looks back at her. “It wasn’t, though. I wasn’t worried about myself. I was protecting _you_.”

“Me?” Rey asks, puzzled. “I don’t think I was in any danger. I doubt he would hit a nun.”

“It wasn’t that I was worried he was going to hurt you… the words he was saying were… vile. You don’t deserve to be talked to like that. You did nothing wrong.”

“In your eyes, maybe-”

“ _No,_ ” Ben interrupts. “It’s the truth, Rey. You did _nothing_ wrong. You- _we-_ were just living life how it’s supposed to be lived.”

The determination in his eyes, makes Rey not push the subject further… But was there truth in what Snoke had said? Is her soul beyond saving? Has she done too much to be forgiven?

She shakes the thoughts out of her head. She’ll think about it tomorrow… when she makes her decision.

“It’s getting late,” Rey whispers. “Snoke is dealt with and I’m exhausted. I’m sure you are too. Let’s just… tell the cops what happened when they get here and then go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully it’ll be better.”

Hopefully.

\---

It was a restless night. After telling the cops what happened, they left without any arguments, leaving the house eerily silent. Ben was still an empty shell as he slipped into Rey’s bed and curled himself around her, nuzzling his nose into her neck. She held his hand through the night, through the inevitable nightmares and screaming fits.

Somehow, he calmed down enough to let her sleep through the rest of the night, but when she wakes in the morning, the other side of the bed is cold and empty, save for a little note lying on the pillow.

“ _Rey,”_ it reads, “ _Needed to clear my head. Headed over to Kaydel’s to check on her. Be back soon.”_

She puts the note back on the pillow and turns over in bed to look up at the ceiling. Right. Kaydel. _Pregnant_ Kaydel. The thought of it churns her stomach. Ben wants that life. A wife, kids. And deep down, Rey thinks that she might want that life, too. Want it more than being a nun.

She has to make a decision. Today.

She sits up in bed, contemplating the pros and cons of staying here with Armitage and Ben.

Well, the freedom she has experienced this past week has been… let’s just say she hasn’t been happier. Also, her relationship with God hasn’t been the best as of late, and she guesses she pretty much ruined what was left of it after checking off each of the seven deadly sins. Not to mention what Snoke had said last night; those words still resonate with her. _You’ll never be forgiven. You’re a disgrace._

Even though Rey shouldn’t give Snoke’s words the time of day, she can’t help but think that he was right. If any of the nuns found out what she did… she lied to them. Told them that she was sick while she was actually out in the real world, sinning her life away and having mind blowing sex with a man she only met last week.

And that’s the other thing. _Ben_ . How can she feel so connected to someone, feel like she’s known him all her life, when she only met him one week ago? And last night… the way he lost his temper, blacked out in a fit of rage… _that_ was not the Ben she has come to know. As much as she hates to admit it, there’s still parts of him that she doesn’t know about. What would happen if he got angry at her? If he blacked out again and wouldn’t be able to control his actions?

No. _No,_ he would never hurt her. Goddamn her to Hell for even thinking about it. Last night was different. It was his abuser. The man who sent him to the hospital with a broken rib and internal bleeding. The man who is the cause for all of those scars on his back. It must have been terrible for him. To look into that face he thought he would never have to see again. To relive those memories that haunted him even in his sleep. This situation was different. It doesn’t change the way she feels when she’s around him. She feels like, for once in her life, she can be herself. She can tell him anything and he won’t judge her for it. Yes, they have religious differences. He’s an Atheist and she’s a nun for God’s sake. But that doesn’t matter to her. Because he looks at her the way nobody ever has before. Rey feels like there’s this thing, deep down in both of them, that has been slumbering for a while. This dark thing that was just released last night while they were tangled up in each other, Ben’s hand around her neck as he thrust deep and hard into her. This thing that they should discover together… and has absolutely no place in an abbey, let alone a church.

This life that Rey has been living, all the rules and the vows and the chastity… she didn’t _choose_ to have this life. It was forced upon her. A moment of weakness to make her foster mother happy. The woman who comforted her after Unkar’s many drunken tirades and beatings.

_Zena!_ Oh, God, she forgot all about Zena. The only mother figure in her life. The only woman who believed that Rey could get somewhere in life, whether it was a place she wanted to be or not. That’s why she was doing all of this. For Zena; to make her proud. What would she think of her now? If she knew Rey had sinned her way to a one-way ticket to Hell… and that she thoroughly enjoyed every second of it.

What has she done? She has sullied herself! She has passed the point of no return! She sinned and sinned and didn’t stop because it just felt so damn good. How can she go back now? How can she face Zena and Abbess Holdo and even Rose and the other novitiates? How can she face God? 

_No!_ She won’t think that way. All sins can be forgiven. Does the Bible not say, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”? Yes, Rey can go back. She can confess her sins, ask for forgiveness, and He will give it to her. Going back may not be her first choice, no, but it’s secure and familiar. It’s what would make Zena proud. If she stayed here, she’d have to start fresh. She has no money, no education further than high school, no friends except for Armitage and Ben. She’ll have to find a job and save up money for an apartment. Until then, she would have to stay with Armitage and she would feel terrible not being able to pay rent or chip in for groceries. She’d be a parasite in his life. She’d lose her friends at the abbey on top of everything. They wouldn’t want, or have the time, to hang around a dropout who lost her faith and sins on the daily.

She knows what she has to do, but she doesn’t know if she has the strength to do it.

\---

The visit with Kaydel was something that Ben didn’t know he needed. After the altercation with Snoke last night, he just needed to see his old friend. To get his mind off of one chaotic part of his life and focus on another. She said that she was doing fine, just a little bit of morning sickness and some strange cravings. The appointment is still set, though. She made him well aware that she has absolutely no interest in keeping the baby. And Ben is completely fine with it. It’s her body, she gets to decide what she does with it. It’s not for him to say, and it’s not like either of them need a baby in their lives right now anyway.

But the whole time he was there, he was just eager to get back to Rey. She took care of him and comforted him all throughout the night; holding him close and talking him through his anxiety attacks. 

Kaydel, of course, wanted to know every gory detail about him and Rey.

“What’s it like knowing you defiled a nun?” she had asked him.

He only snorted and told her to back off. It was an invasion of Rey’s privacy to talk about that kind of stuff without her permission. “All I have to say is that she’s a _very_ quick learner… and has some surprises up her sleeve.” Ben said.

Kaydel pushed him for more details, but he didn’t give in.

After a couple hours, he left, not wanting to keep Rey waiting for too long. She was probably already worried about him after last night.

Armie’s car is gone by the time Ben gets back to the house. He must have gone in to work early.

The house is quieter than usually; Rey is usually at the table eating breakfast or flipping through the channels on the TV around this time.

“Rey?” Ben calls out.

No answer.

He makes his way toward her bedroom. Maybe she’s still sleeping. He doubts she got much sleep last night. “Rey? I’m back.” he calls out again.

No answer.

Walking into her room, Ben finds it empty. The bed is made and there’s a little note in sitting in the middle of it. He cautiously walks toward it, heart skipping a beat, hoping it’s not what he thinks it is.

“ _Ben,”_ it reads, “ _I’m so sorry it has to be this way_ ,”

No. No, no, no, no, no.

“ _I thought it’d be easier to leave you a note instead of telling you face-to-face. I can’t stand to see you hurt anymore,”_

This isn’t happening. No, no, no…

“ _I’m going back to the abbey. This past week has been one I’ll never forget and I thank you for being with me every step of the way. This was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but, at the same time, it’s the easiest choice. Maybe it’s the push of society, maybe it’s just because I’m a coward, or maybe it’s just the right thing to do. For me and you. You deserve someone who knows who they are and what they want. You deserve a happy, steady life and then some. I’ll never forget you.”_

Ben reads the note about a dozen times.

“This doesn’t make sense.” he mutters to himself. 

Running to the closet, he finds it void of her clothes. He checks the bathroom next. Nothing. The dresser drawers. Empty.

Gone. She’s gone and left no trace. As if she never existed.

Ben falls to his knees, Rey’s letter crumpling in his fist, just as the dam breaks and his eyes flood with tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a sad update, but I promise this will end HEA!  
> Don't forget to follow my [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/adamdriveruniverse/) for updates and behind the scenes of my fic, or just for some fun Reylo/Adam Driver posts!  
> Thanks for reading, I appreciate all of you <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is seething with rage once he pulls into the parking lot. The first place he and Rey laid eyes on each other. Taking a couple deep breaths, he urges himself to calm down before going inside. He’s not angry with Rey. No, he would never be angry with her. He’s angry that she felt pressured into a life she didn’t want to live. Angry that she felt pressured to go back to that life after experiencing what true freedom felt like. Angry because he spent twenty-seven years doing exactly that, and regretted every second of it.
> 
> “Now or never.” he mumbles to himself.
> 
> So he gets out of his car, and all but runs up the steps and into the church. He’ll do it. He’ll bring her back and help her every step of the way. He just hopes that it’s not too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, all, to the last chapter! Before we get started, I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who read and enjoyed this. Thank you for all of your kind words and your encouragement. I never thought that this fic, that I started as a joke, would get this far. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you all. Thank you again <3

The second Hux walks through the front door, Ben is at his side, questions firing at his face one by one.

“Where the fuck have you been? Where’s Rey? Did you take her back?” and so on and so on.

Ben follows him through the house, down the hall, and into Hux’s office where he drops off his briefcase. Then all the way  _ back _ down the hall, through the living room, and into the kitchen where Hux fills up a glass of water… all while Ben is questioning him, almost purple in the face and Hux says nothing, promptly ignoring him until he has tired himself out.

Ben slunks down on the couch, sliding a hand down his face and taking a deep breath. “Just tell me.” he says, defeated.

Hux sits next to him, resting his forearms on his knees. “I drove her back to the abbey.”

Ben’s heart stutters. He already knew, but to hear it confirmed out loud… “You-”

Hux puts a hand up, silencing Ben. “Before you interrupt me, it was  _ her _ decision. She was completely adamant. I did not persuade her. I just asked if she was sure, and she nodded and that was that.”

“What… how…” Ben struggles to find the right wording as he tries to piece together the time they shared. She  _ did _ have fun, didn’t she? Was it something he did? Something he said? “I just don’t understand why.” he barely whispers.

Hux puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I don’t either. She was unnervingly quiet on the drive, but I could tell she was upset.”

Ben’s eyes snap to his. “How so?”

“Well her eyes and nose were red, like she had been crying long before I woke. She wouldn’t unclench her fists the whole drive; I was scared her nails would break skin.” Hux seems to notice the worry filling Ben’s eyes, his face, every visible part of his body. “I’m sorry, Ben. I know you two had grown quite close in the short time you shared together. I’m not sure what persuaded her decision, but I know for certain it was nothing you did.”

“She didn’t say  _ anything _ .” It was more of a statement than a question.

Hux just grimly shakes his head, mouth pressed in a tight line.

“I have to go see her,” Ben shoots to his feet, starting to pace and running his hand through his hair. “I have to convince her to come back.”

“What you have to do is respect her decision.” Hux says, watching him from the couch.

“I respect her decision, but it’s the  _ wrong _ decision.” Ben shoots back. “She was never happy living her life as a nun- no offense, but you knew it too. I thought…” he sits back on the couch. “I thought she would stay. We had fun. Genuine  _ fun _ .” he sniffles back tears. “I don’t understand.” his voice breaks.

They sit there in silence for a couple seconds, Ben avoiding Hux’s concerned stare by focusing on a groove in the coffee table.

“Give her a day.” Hux finally says. “Just give her a day to readjust. She’s already stressed enough as it is.”

Ben looks at him dumbfoundedly. “Readjust? My goal is to bring her back, and you want her to  _ readjust _ to a life she never wanted first?”

“Think about Rey. She’s stressed, upset, and overwhelmed. The last thing she needs is you barging into the abbey and making a scene, consequently embarrassing her in front of the other novitiates, revealing the truth that she was never sick, and getting her in a lot of trouble.” Hux takes a deep breath. “Just let her rest. Think things over. And  _ then _ you can give her your grand gesture of love.  _ Tomorrow _ .”

Ben laughs, but no humor lingers in his tone. “I wouldn’t call it a grand gesture of  _ love _ . I’ve only known her a week. It’d be more like a grand gesture of  _ hey, I really like you and would very much like to date you _ .”

Hux shakes his head. “Whatever it is,  _ wait _ . Have some constraint. Save the dramatics for tomorrow.”

Ben crosses his arms, fixating on the coffee table again and mumbles under his breath, “I’m not dramatic.”

\---

The last thing Rey wants is to walk into the novitiate dormitories and have all the girls sitting in the common area, looking at her as she arrives after a week of being “sick” and absent from the abbey. 

And that’s exactly what she gets. This day just keeps getting better.

“Rey!” Rose shouts, running over to her and grasping her forearms. “You’re back!” The other girls run over to her like a hoard of bees and take turns giving her a tight hug. 

The questions come surging toward her without warning. “Are you okay? What was wrong with you? We were all praying for you to get better. Were you deathly sick? Was it contagious? Why couldn’t we visit you?”

As much as it overwhelms Rey, she can’t help the smile spreading across her face. The fact that they worried about her-  _ cared _ enough to worry about her. It warmed her heart.

“I’m fine.” she reassures them. “But I’m still a bit groggy. I think I’m just going to lay down for a bit, if that’s alright.”

Another hoard of voices come tumbling toward her. “Of course!” Jannah says. “I’ll get you some water.” Paige says. “Rest as long as you need.” Phasma says.

Rey walks back to her room, Rose following her- seemingly a concerned roommate, but in actuality, thirsty for details.

Once the door is closed and everyone is out of hearing range, Rey plops down face first onto her creaky bed- one she did  _ not _ miss- and screams into her pillow. It doesn’t make her feel better like she thought it would.

She feels the bed shift under Rose’s added weight as she sits next to Rey, whose face is still smothered by her pillow. 

“What happened?” Rose asks, placing a hand on Rey’s back. 

Rey turns her head on the pillow to where she’s looking at Rose through a curtain of hair. Rose chuckles slightly and brushes her hair out of her face for her.

“Thank you.” Rey mumbles.

“Well? What happened?” Rose asks again. “I haven’t heard anything from you since you sent me that ridiculously long text the first night you were gone.”

To be honest, Rey is in no mood to recount the last week, going through her memories and looking back at all the fun she had… fun that she would never experience again. But, knowing Rose, she’s not going to stop pestering her for details until she finally gives in.

So she tells her. Everything. Obviously avoiding specific details for some…  _ events _ that transpired. But she tells her, the lump in the back of her throat growing painfully large, making her eyes water until she can’t hold the tears back any longer.

“It was amazing.” Rey sniffles. “ _ He _ was amazing.”

“He sounds heaven sent.” Rose says.

Rey sits up and faces her best friend. “Do you think I'm a terrible person? Having done the things I did? Rose, I’m scared. Scared that I won’t be forgiven.”

“Don’t you think that way!” Rose exclaims. “He will always forgive. Plus, it’s not like you committed mass murder. You just let yourself indulge in a bit of fun.”

_ More than a bit _ . Rey thinks to herself.

Rey takes a shuddering breath, attempting to calm herself. She shed too many tears today, her eyes may be permanently puffy. “Do you think I made the wrong decision?”

Rose gives her an assessing look. “I don’t think my opinion matters. What truly matters is how  _ you _ feel about this decision. That’ll determine whether it was the right or wrong one. And from looking at you right now, I’d say yes. You did make the wrong decision. Rey, you’re a mess and it’s obvious you regret it.”

“I regret not saying goodbye to him. I’m going to miss him terribly. But I  _ had _ to come back.”

“Who said you had to?” 

Rey’s brows furrow.

“That’s what I thought.” Rose smirks. “No one said you had to. The pressure you felt to come back all came from you. To make  _ others _ happy, but not yourself. You’re a textbook people pleaser.”

Rey barks out a humorless laugh. “Way to attack me, Rose. I feel loads better about myself, thanks.”

Rose holds up her hands defensively. “I’m just telling you the truth. Sometimes you have to face what you don’t want to acknowledge. All I’m saying is, you’ve experienced two completely different lifestyles. Which one made you happier?”

Rey knows the answer, but she just doesn’t want to face the truth yet.

That night, Rey is kept awake by her haunting thoughts. She just can’t stop imagining Ben’s reaction to the letter she left on her bed. Did he get mad at her? Will he hate her for the rest of his life? Did he never want to see her again? Honestly, it’s probably for the best if he feels that way. Somehow, it would make it easier to leave him in her past.

\---

Ben is pretty sure he didn’t sleep one wink last night. He was too busy going through what he was going to say to Rey today. 

Despite Snoke being incarcerated until the trial, Ben stayed at Hux’s last night, sleeping in what used to be Rey’s bed, the sheets still smelling like her. It comforted him, but at the same time, when morning came around and the other side of the bed was cold, it added to the hole in his chest left there by Rey’s decision to leave him.

Ben was dressed and in his car before Hux could even offer to drive him to the church. That’s where Ben is heading now. Hux informed him last night that Rey would most likely be there, bright and early, to atone for her sins. Ben didn’t bother to tell him that living a normal life and having fun isn’t something you have to atone for.

The drive to the church is a blur, Ben’s nerves getting the best of him. His heart has never beat so fast in his life. What if she refuses to come back? What if she doesn’t think she's making the biggest mistake of her life? What if seeing him causes her more pain?

He doesn’t care. He is going to get her back, goddamnit! Even if it’s the last thing he does. He won’t let her waste her life being something she’s not. Going along with what society tells her she should do. What her damn foster mother tells her she should do. A foster mother who never protected an innocent child from the wrath of a drunkard. Who chalked it all up to “God’s plan”.

Ben is seething with rage once he pulls into the parking lot. The first place he and Rey laid eyes on each other. Taking a couple deep breaths, he urges himself to calm down before going inside. He’s not angry with Rey. No, he would never be angry with her. He’s angry that she felt pressured into a life she didn’t want to live. Angry that she felt pressured to go  _ back _ to that life after experiencing what true freedom felt like. Angry because he spent twenty-seven years doing exactly that, and regretted every second of it.

“Now or never.” he mumbles to himself.

So he gets out of his car, and all but runs up the steps and into the church. He’ll do it. He’ll bring her back and help her every step of the way. He just hopes that it’s not too late.

As Ben walks through the large wooden doors of the church, he immediately spots a small group of novitiates in the first row of pews, heads bowed and kneeling. He knows one of them is Rey. One of them  _ has _ to be Rey. He can’t make out which one, though, because all of them are wearing black veils that keep their hair hidden.

He doesn’t know if it’s disrespectful to interrupt a nun’s praying, so he quietly strides down the aisle and situates himself in the row of pews diagonally across from the nuns’, patiently waiting for them to finish and trying not to look too awkward. But the nun on the end must have heard him because she lifts her head slightly… and does a double take.

Rey. It’s Rey.

\---

_ What the fuck is he doing here?! _ Rey curses in her head. God, her first day back and she’s cursing while she’s supposed to be praying. What a great start. She shouldn’t have looked in the first place, but the church was supposed to be closed to visitors until 6:30 and she wanted to know who it was. 

She shouldn’t have looked, God she really shouldn’t have. Because when she did, it was the last person she expected and she couldn’t help the slight gasp that escaped her mouth… catching the attention of the novitiates kneeling beside her.

“Is everything alright, Sister Rey?” Jannah asks.

It takes all of her strength to peel her eyes away from Ben, his irresistible shit-eating grin plastered on his face, and turn to Jannah. Then to Rose who is glancing between her and Ben… and giving her a knowing smile. 

“Yes, Sister Jannah. I’m sorry, I thought I felt a bug on me. Gave me a startle.” she manages a laugh. “If you could excuse me…” she glances back at Ben, eyes wide, but trying her best to look as casual as possible. “I’ll be right back.”

Rose quirks an eyebrow at her as Jannah says, “Are you alright?”

As Rey stands, she risks a look at Ben and covertly glances toward a door in the back of the church, hinting for him to meet her there. He gives her a quick, almost undetectable, wink that makes her knees nearly buckle as she turns back to Jannah.

“Just a bit light headed. I think I’m still recovering from my illness. I’m just going to get some water and I’ll be right back. Sorry, sisters.”

They all say their forgiveness as she turns around to find Ben almost to that back door. Walking as casually as she can muster, she shoos with her hand for him to not wait up for her. He slips through the doorway a couple seconds before she does, and she finds him waiting for her in a hallway that leads to the basement where the classrooms are.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she snaps at him.

He chuckles. “Not the warm welcome I was expecting.”

Arrogant ass. She huffs a frustrated breath, grabs his wrist, and leads him into a storage closet. This way it’ll be more private and they won’t run the risk of being caught together. Thankfully, it’s a bigger closet… well big enough for her and Ben’s large frame to fit comfortably. Mops, brooms, dustpans, and other cleaning supplies litter the shelves, making the room smell clean and dusty at the same time.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she asks him.

“What the hell was  _ I  _ thinking? What the hell were  _ you _ thinking, Rey? You left and didn’t even bother to say goodbye face to face. You left me a fucking  _ letter _ . A letter, Rey!”

“Because I was avoiding this exact situation! I didn’t want to see you upset.”

Ben huffs a laugh. “Well here I am. Very much upset. Seems like you didn’t get your way after all.”

Rey shakes her head. “So did you just come here to yell at me? Make me feel worse than I already do? Because if so, you can fuck right off.”

“Such foul language in a house of worship. Whatever will  _ He _ think?”

“I don’t have time for this, Ben. What do you want?”

Ben’s face turns serious, and she can tell he regrets his mocking tone. Good. “I came to get you back. And get some answers while I’m at it.”

“Answers for what?” Rey asks innocently.

He shifts on his feet and shakes his head disbelievingly. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Rey just gives him a waiting look.

“Okay. What happened to what you said the other day in the kitchen of the beach house?” the mention of the beach house brings a memory flashing back into her mind. A memory that has no place in church. “When you said that that was exactly where you wanted to be?” he continues. “What about freedom and everything we did together? Going to bars, watching me almost start a bar fight. Movie nights and eating as much junk food our stomachs could hold. Rage rooms and the beach and stargazing.” Ben steps closer to her to the point where they’re sharing breath. His smell of sandalwood and violet leaves overwhelming her. Her heart starts to pick up pace. “What happened to the, and I quote, ‘best sex you thought you were ever going to have’?”

Rey’s breath hitches unintentionally as his hand reaches up to lightly stroke her cheek.

“What about my goals?” he finishes.

Her eyes shoot up to his. “What do you mean  _ your _ goals?” she asks.

“Do you remember, in the car after the rage room when you asked me where I saw myself in the future?” Rey nods, still not knowing where he was going with this. “That life I told you about; a lawyer, free from Snoke, sleeping peacefully for once, living my life with someone who I love and care for.” Oh.  _ Oh. _ “I want you to be that person, Rey.”

She looks at him, dumbstruck and laughs humorlessly. He looks like she just slapped him in the face. “Don’t be ridiculous, Ben. It’s been  _ one week _ . You can’t… feel that way already.”

“But I  _ could _ . Goddammit, Rey! Can’t you see?” he takes her face in both of his hands now. “I’m falling for you.” her heat plummets to her stomach. “I could see myself loving you one day. After we’ve spent more time together and have really gotten to know each other.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Time. That’s all I want with you, Rey. And I can’t get that if you’re a nun. Please.” his voice cracks, causing tears to fall down her face and onto his hands. “Please come back to me, sweetheart.”

Those words. No one has ever said anything like that to her in her life. And she thought no one ever would. Until this moment, she denied it. Denied the fact that she was falling for him too. Hook, line, and sinker.

“I’m sorry.” Rey sniffles through her tears. “I was just so scared.”

Ben takes her into his arms and holds her tight. His warmth seeps into her like a heated blanket and she thinks that she could stay like this with him forever. 

He kisses the top of her head. “I know.” He whispers. “But I’ll help you, I promise. I won’t let you fall. I’ll be there to catch you every time.”

Rey lets the full expanse of her tears release now, nearly sobbing into his soft shirt.

“Don’t cry.” Ben pulls her off of him, only to cradle her face and lean his forehead against hers. “Don’t.” 

He kisses her. His soft lips pressing gently against hers is a feeling she thought she would never feel again. And she feels like she has finally found her home.

“Don’t” he says again, this time against her lips, wiping away her tears and kissing her harder, running his tongue against the roof of her mouth.

Rey arches into his touch, moaning against his mouth, chasing his tongue with hers. Ben’s hands roam over waist, her hips, and around her back to thoroughly kneed her behind. Bending down, he hooks his hands around her thighs and lifts her up. She wraps her legs around his waist as he all but slams her back against the wall of the closet. She gasps into his mouth as he grinds his hardness against her and reluctantly breaks contact with his mouth.

“Ben,” she gasps. “We- we can’t. Not here.”

Ben lifts a challenging brow as he moves to feast and bite on her neck. The feeling sends chills of pleasure through her, down her spine, reaching her throbbing cunt. She grinds against him this time as his teeth graze the skin where her jaw curves to meet her ear.

“Seriously, Ben.” she pants. “We’re in a  _ church _ .”

He lifts his head to pin her with a hungry stare and grins wickedly. “Let God watch.” he says. “Maybe once he sees how thoroughly I plan to pleasure you, he’ll change his mind on premarital sex.”

As she laughs, he sets her back down on the floor. “Take this off.” he orders, unzipping his pants. “I don’t want to fuck you with that veil on.”

His words alone are enough to make her come. God, how could she ever think she could give up someone like him. How could she have walked away from him? Never again. 

She hurriedly yanks her veil off, revealing her three vertical buns, kicks off her shoes, and pulls her tights off. Ben has her pinned against the wall again in a heartbeat; her legs once again wrapped around his waist. He kisses her hard as he reaches down between them to rub torturously slow circles around her clit.

Her breath hitches as she moves her hips, trying to make him go faster, harder. “I need to feel you,” she gasps. “I need you inside me.”

“As you wish.” he mutters against her neck, the same thing he said that night before she rode his cock to oblivion. The thought of that night and how rough they had been sends a burst of excitement through her body, making her more wet.

Before he could give her a chance to prepare herself, Ben slides himself into her, right to the hilt. She moans out in pleasure, only for Ben’s large hand to clamp down on her mouth. 

“I’m going to fuck you until you’re screaming my name, until you regret ever thinking of leaving. But we’re still in public, sweetheart,” he slides out and then slams back into her nearly dripping cunt. “So try not to scream too loud.”

She nods her understanding, gripping onto him harder, causing Ben to visibly shudder. “Good girl.” he whispers.

He cautiously removes his hand from her mouth and grips her thighs with bruising pressure. He then continues to fuck her against the wall, thrusting deep and hard and slow, drawing out her wetness, causing her to bite her lip hard enough to draw blood, trying not to make any loud noises in case anyone should walk past the closet. 

“Shit, I don’t know what I would do if I could never fuck this tight pussy again.” Ben groans onto her neck. He leaves wet, sloppy kisses there along with a couple bites that have Rey covering her mouth with her own hand.

He hits that spot deep inside of her and starts to thrust faster and she arches her back against the wall, trying to move her hips with him to the best of her ability. The sound of skin slapping skin and their quiet, labored breathing fills the closet.

“Ben,” Rey breathes. “Ben, faster. Please.” she whines.

Ben obeys, slamming into her and kissing her, biting her bottom lip and sucking. “Come for me.” Ben pants against her mouth. “Come one, sweetheart, be a good girl and come on my cock.”

Rey spills over the edge with Ben’s name on her lips, her whole body shaking as she spasms around him, intense pleasure spreading through her. He comes inside her not long after, biting her shoulder to muffle his moaning.

Both flushed and struggling for breath, they stay leaning against the wall for a couple minutes, coming down from their shared high. 

“Rough sex in a church basement.” Rey laughs. “There’s no coming back from this.”

Ben laughs along with her, leaning down to press one last kiss on her lips. “There’s certainly not.”

They finally decide to gather themselves and attempt to look somewhat presentable and put together and not like they just fucked in a storage closet.

“There’s so much that I still have to do.” Rey says. “Find a place to live, a job…”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Ben looks reassuringly into her eyes. “What did I say? I won't let you fall. Everything is going to be fine. We’ll get through this together.”

Rey smiles from ear to ear. “Together?”

Ben kisses her forehead and they walk out of the closet, hand in hand. “Together.”


End file.
